Lover's Comfort
by Purple256
Summary: Lover's Comfort is the story of how Roxanne, the Dovahkiin, ended up in Skyrim and met the love of her life, Farkas, from the Companions in Whiterun.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: This is my first real and earnest attempt at a video game fan fiction- Skyrim, to be exact. The working title is _Lover's Comfort_. To stay as true to the video game as possible, I have employed a hybrid of in-game storylines and dialogue coupled with my own, made-up ones. This was also done in order to build a coherent story that could be read. So without further ado, enjoy, Skyrim and/or Farkas fans!_

It was nightfall, and we had arrived at Sky Haven Temple. I was decked out in my Blade armor, carrying my Shield of Ysgramor and Elven Sword of Fire. My husband, Farkas, was with me, carrying his Honed Ancient Nord Greatsword of Fire that I gave to him as a present. We were trying to find our way to Markarth for the first time, and we only knew that it was somewhere near Sky Haven Temple, so we had made camp there. Now that we were finally on our way to the far western town, we had to carefully make our way across the precarious stone bridges and down the steps to find our way to the main path.

As we descended the last of the stone steps, we began to hear shouts. An arrow flew past my head and it was then that I began to see movement several yards away from us. Little did we know that we had just wandered into a Forsworn camp. "Oh, shit…" I muttered and immediately drew my sword.

"Let's get 'em!" Farkas proclaimed, drawing his sword, as well.

Together, we let out a battle cry and charged into the camp just as we saw some Forsworn bandits charge towards us. A savage bunch, the Forsworn were, wearing animal skins that barely covered their bodies and headdresses made from feathers. Three looters came at us, weapons flying. Farkas and I made easy work of them and moved on. The camp was a maze of wooden catwalks above some shallow water and there were Forsworn everywhere. They all started emerging from their tents and charging at us. A fire mage came after us and gave me and my husband some bad flame burns. After I killed the mage, I went over to Farkas, who was hunched over, looking badly hurt. "Are you alright, love?" I asked, and quickly put my hand on his shoulder, casting Healing Hands on him.

"What…?" he muttered and slowly stood up. "Hey…that felt good!" He rocked his shoulders back and forth and said, "Let's not waste any more time. There's still some bandits around."

Just as he said that, a few arrows whizzed past us again. Farkas growled and yelled, "You're making me angry!" and began running off.

I let out another battle cry and began charging at some more Forsworn bandits. Farkas and I now had separated, for he had apparently ran off to snuff out the sniping archer who was somewhere above us, shooting all those arrows at us. After I had killed a couple of Forsworn, I still had no time to rendezvous with my husband, as more bandits emerged almost of nowhere. I could hear him shouting angrily as well as the sounds of swords clashing from nearby, but I valiantly fought the warriors that were swarming around me and charging at me. The last bandit, a Forsworn woman, would not give me a break as she rabidly slashed at me with her two daggers, slicing me on the arms a bit. I finally managed to thrust my sword right into her heart. She gave a savage-sounding cry in pain, and when I yanked the sword out of her, she fell over dead. I ran to the sounds of the shouting and found Farkas.

I found him at the base of a ruin, shooting arrow after arrow up above with his Ancient Nord Bow. "Die, damn you!" he was yelling. Arrows were sailing to the ground nearby.

"Farkas, you're bleeding!" I cried, noticing the big gaping wound on his shoulder. It was completely drenched in blood. "Here, let me-"

But before I could raise my hand to heal him, a big ball of fire came down just a few feet away from us. "Agh!" I cried, quickly dodging it.

"Argh! Another fire mage!" Farkas cried, and with that, he began to run off.

"Farkas! Farkas, _wait_!" I began running after him. He was badly injured and would need some healing before he could go on. But before I could catch him, some more Forsworn bandits blocked my path and attacked me. "Hooah!" I slashed my sword left and right, slaughtering them like cattle. _I need to get to my husband..._

Just then, I felt a piercing, cold pain in my side. I looked down and saw a glowing ice spike sticking out of my waist. _Oh no, an ice mage…I hated those. _I ran immediately up the steps to where the source of the icicles were coming from, used a Fire Breath shout on a Forsworn bandit waiting there and found the Hagraven who was shooting the icicles. She shot another one into my leg, which hurt so bad that I could barely run, but I limped up to her as quickly as I could and killed her, finally.

All went silent and I caught my breath as the ice spikes disappeared from my body and the pain subsided. _Farkas…he's still down there…and he needs my help!_ I immediately turned away from the Hagraven and ran down the steps back down onto the maze of catwalks. "Farkas!" I cried out. I ran to the other end of the catwalk I was on. "Farkas, where are you?" It was a lot quieter down here, now. I ran across another catwalk, passing some of the Forsworn bandits that I had killed earlier. I saw someone moving up ahead of me. "Farkas?"

"You're going to regret ever coming here!" the person shouted and charged at me. It was a lone Forsworn bandit.

"Raaaaargh!" I cried angrily and slashed him to bits. When he fell to the ground, my eyes darted all around me. "Farkas! Where are you?"

No answer. Not even the sound of voices or movement. I became worried. "Oh, Farkas, no…" I ran across the catwalk again. _The last time I saw him, he was very badly hurt. If he got into a battle with another strong bandit, or worse, a fire or ice mage, then he surely would've been done for._ "Farkas?" I called out, frantically running around the maze of catwalks. I looked down at every body I could find, fearing the worst- that I would see my love, lying facedown on the ground, with arrows sticking out of his back…"Farkas, please…" My eyes began burning with the sting of tears. _Don't give up yet, Roxanne…_I told myself. I made my way up to the alcove above where I was last with my husband, earlier, when he was trying to take down the hidden archer. I found the archer's dead body, successfully taken down by my love, and it was then that I heard something down below. I looked over the ledge, and I could make out a tall figure with a large bow slung to their back. _Can it be…?_ "Farkas?" I called out to the figure below.

The figure turned around. I couldn't see their face in the darkness. But I heard their voice call back, "Roxanne?"

"Farkas!" I exclaimed happily, and began tearing my way down the stairs towards him. When I got down onto the catwalk, he held out his arms to me and I sprinted into them, burying my head in his shoulder. "Oh, Farkas, you're alive!"

"Roxanne!" he uttered, his voice sounding muffled against my shoulder, as well.

We embraced tightly like that for almost a full minute, my tears falling freely down my cheeks and onto his steel pauldrons. We finally pulled back and looked into each other's eyes. "I thought I had lost you," I said, my voice faltering.

"I thought I had lost _you_," he responded. "I'm so glad you're alright."

"Me too," I replied.

His expression then turned serious. "Come on. We need to get out of here. It isn't safe."

"Okay, let's go" I said. We quickly kissed and after I took one last glance around the area to scan for movement, Farkas and I then made our way out of the camp and headed west.

This is the story of soulmates. Two people, with very different pasts, who happened to cross paths with each other one day, fall in love, and become yoked with one another for eternity. This is the story of Roxanne and Farkas.

My name is Roxanne and I have been here in Whiterun for just a few days. I have been staying at The Bannered Mare and every now and then I ventured out of town to investigate the current dragon invasion. It had only been a few days since the incident at Helgen. I had been taken prisoner by a small group of Imperial soldiers, wrongly accused of helping a group called the Stormcloaks. It also probably didn't help that I was a Khajiit, either. People didn't seem to trust Khajiits or Argonians around Skyrim. But I wasn't born a Khajiit. You see, I am really a Nord from the land of Ceredia, far to the southwest of Skyrim. I come from a family of cruel warriors known as the Ihaniks, who practiced witchcraft of all sorts. For decades, our family fought with our rivals known as the Spagos. A few months ago, my leaders got into their heads to turn me into a Khajiit in order to deal more damage to the Spagos, but to make a long story short, I failed the mission. As a result, I was exiled out of Ceredia, forced to wander for days. I wandered from village to village. As a Khajiit, I was treated with suspicion everywhere I went. Khajiits were infamous for doing business in the black market. I got as far as the mountains between Cyrodiil and Skyrim before I was captured and brought to Helgen. So when I was finally brought to the executioner's block there, I felt ready to face my fate. To die was better than to live in exile as an imposter. But then…the dragon came and changed everything. He came like a black storm, raining fire upon Helgen and laying waste to everything and everyone. I narrowly escaped, helped by a man named Hadvar, who also ended up setting me free. I ended up in a small village called Riverwood and stayed the night there before coming to Whiterun.

Aside from being thrown into a new mess of figuring out why dragons are invading this land of Skyrim, I am now finally beginning to accept my new Khajiit identity. I feel so much more nimble and fast-moving. The fur keeps me warm when I'm wandering near the mountains, and being able to see much more clearly at night has been a definite perk. I still receive derogatory comments every once in a while from villagers, but for the most part, I am left alone. Nobody knows the truth about my past, and nobody here really _needs_ to know.

During my stay in Whiterun, I began hearing about a warriors' guild called the Companions. It was right here in town and consisted of a close-knit group of the most powerful and honorable warriors in Skyrim. They were looking for new members, so naturally, my interest was piqued. At first, I wasn't so sure about joining any guilds, but I thought to myself, _If I meet more people as nice as Hadvar had been to me, it wouldn't be so bad_. So one day, I decided to check it out. I was told to go to a place called Jorrvaskr, where the guild was located. It was a large building to the east of the Gildergreen tree, in the shape of an upside-down Viking ship. I marched up to the burly building and opened the heavy, double doors. As I entered, I was overwhelmed by the spacious hall I had just walked into. In front of me was a great hearth in the center of the hall surrounded by a huge table.

"You lost?" I heard a sarcastic-sound voice say.

I looked up and saw a tough-looking man with a ponytail staring at me.

"I-I'm here to-" I started, but before I could finish, I heard shouts from behind him.

"Wha-?" the man turned around and looked behind him. "Geezes, are those two at it again?" Ignoring me, he immediately turned around and ran towards the commotion.

I just stood where I was for a moment, confused at what was going on. I then looked at where the commotion was coming from, and decided to get a closer look.

"Come on now, watch the footwork. Keep your balance," I heard the same man say.

I looked at the direction he was directing the speech to and saw two warriors brawling with each other.

"Come on!" a guy with long, red hair shouted.

As I drew closer, I saw that one of the fighters was a female Nord wearing studded armor and the other was a male Dunmer wearing leather armor. They were egging each other on and throwing punches at one another. I could only stare as I had no idea what was going on. I started to wonder if I should leave and come back later…

Just then, the tough-looking man that had spoken to me earlier turned towards me and asked, "Do you need something?"

"Oh, uh…no," I stumbled, glancing back at the battling duo. "I mean yes, I-"

"Don't mind them," he said, aware that I was distracted by the fight. "Just working out some issues, the old way."

"Right," I said nervously. "Um…I'm here to inquire about the Companions. Who are they?"

"Ask any fool around here, and get a different answer," he replied. "Mercenaries. Warriors of honor. Brothers and sisters of the blade. Drunken rabble. Take your pick. I've been here longer than most of them. Even I don't know sometimes. I just hope they don't kill each other."

"Well…please allow me to introduce myself," I said. "My name is Roxanne. I hail from the land of Ceredia. And I am here to ask about joining the Companions."

"So you think you have what it takes? Huh. Lucky for you, I'm not the one who makes that decision. Talk to Kodlak Whitemane."

"Kodlak Whitemane…where is he so that I can speak to him?"

"He's probably in his room. Take the stairs. They're right over there," he pointed to the corridor behind the fighters. "Just tell him that you're looking to join the Companions. Who knows, maybe he's in a generous mood."

"And you are…?"

"My name is Skjor. I was lucky…the Companions found _me_. Gave me a reason to be fighting."

"Well, nice to meet you Skjor. I shall talk to Kodlak now."

"See you around then, maybe."

"Alright, thanks…" _Isn't he going to come with me to introduce me or anything?_ As I slowly made my way across the spacious hall, I realized that I was completely on my own. I took one last glance at the fighters duking it out with each other and shouting and went down the staircase. I opened another set of double doors and entered what looked like living quarters. There were tables with food to my left and to my right, a long hallway. There were a couple of women sitting down in the room across from me and when I entered, they looked up at me and stared in silence. I just now noticed an old lady dusting the cabinets. "'Scuse me," I spoke to her.

She looked up at me expectantly.

"Where can I find Kodlak Whitemane?" I asked.

"Go down that hallway all the way to the end room," she replied.

"Thank you," I told her and headed down the long hallway. I came to an anteroom and saw two men sitting at a table conversing with each other. One of the men had medium-length brown hair and looked young while the other had long white hair and a long beard that was also very white. He looked very noble, and I figured him to be Kodlak. As soon as I drew near, they stopped talking and looked up at me. The old man's eyes appeared very wise. My heart leapt into my throat and I was almost rendered speechless. "E-excuse me…are you Kodlak Whitemane of the Companions?"

"I am, stranger," the old man replied. "And who might you be?"

"My name is Roxanne…I hail from the land of Ceredia," I nervously answered, feeling the gaze of both Kodlak and the young man burning holes into me. "I…I am here because I want to know how one might join the Companions."

"Do you now?" he asked, perking up. He looked back at the young man almost as if in surprise. The young man gave him an impatient, bored look. He then looked back up at me. "Here, let me have a look at you." He then stood up out of his chair as I took a step back. He then examined me, inspecting my armor up and down, and appearing deep in thought. "Hm. Yes, perhaps. A certain strength of spirit."

"Master," the young man next to him spoke up. "You're not truly considering accepting her?"

"I am nobody's master, Vilkas," Kodlak snapped. "And last I checked, we had some empty beds in Jorrvaskr for those with a fire burning in their hearts."

"Apologies," Vilkas said reverently. "But perhaps this isn't the time. I've never even heard of this outsider."

"Sometimes the famous come to us," Kodlak said. "Sometimes men and women come to us to seek their fame. It makes no difference. What matters is their heart."

"And their arm," Vilkas added.

"Of course," Kodlak agreed. He then turned to me. "How are you in battle, miss?"

"I can handle myself," I replied, but then added quickly, "But I still have much to learn."

"_That's_ the spirit!" Kodlak said excitedly. "Vilkas, here, will get started on that." He then turned back towards Vilkas and said, "Vilkas, take her out to the yard and see what she can do."

"Aye," Vilkas replied and got up. "Follow me, young miss."

I followed him up the long hallway and through the double doors. Up the stairs we went, and I noticed as we crossed the great hall that the fight up here had been broken up. I finally followed Vilkas out the doors opposite of the entrance. Now outside, we stepped out onto a large patio and walked across it and down some steps into an open courtyard that was set up like a fighters' training ground.

Vilkas stopped and said, "The old man said to have a look at you, so let's do this." He then stood in front of me and went on, "Just have a few swings at me so I can see your form."

_Seriously? He wants me to hit him with my sword?_ I thought increduously.

"Don't worry, I can take it," he assured, as if reading my thoughts. He then drew out his sword and shield. I followed suit by drawing my own iron sword and shield. "Ready?" he then said. "Commence!"

I immediately went after him and we clashed swords for a bit. I successfully got a hit on his armor and he fell back for a moment. He recovered and swung at me and we sparred some more before he fell back again and said, "Enough!"

I immediately fell at ease. He sheathed his sword and so did I.

He took a deep breath and exhaled dramatically. "Not bad," he commented. "Next time won't be so easy." He then looked at me thoughtfully for a moment before saying, "You might just make it. But for now, you're still a whelp to us, new blood. So you do what we tell you." He then unsheathed his sword again and held it out to me. "Here's my sword. Go take it up to Eorlund to have it sharpened. And be careful, it's probably worth more than you are."

_That's it for now?_ I wondered. _Is this also part of my test, I wonder?_ I decided not to pry, so I obediently took Vilkas' sword from him and asked, "Who is Eorlund and where can I find him?"

"Eorlund Gray-Mane is the master blacksmith of Whiterun and also forges all the weapons and armor for the Companions. He is just up a set of steps from here." He pointed to the northeast and up.

"Okay," I said, and left him. _Boy, these Companions just don't waste any time in swearing in newcomers and bombarding them with tasks. I just hope it's all worth it._ I climbed up the stone steps up the side just below Dragonsreach and came upon a huge, blacksmith's forge. An old man was working there. I approached him. "Greetings. Are you Eorlund Gray-Mane?"

The old man looked up from sharpening a sword. "Why yes. I am Eorlund Gray-Mane. What brings you here?"

"My name is Roxanne," I answered, less nervous than I was before. "I am here on an errand for the Companions."

"I'm guessing you're the newcomer then?" he asked.

"I'm just doing what I'm asked," I replied. I took out Vilkas' sword and gave it to him.

"Ah, I've seen the likes of you many times before," he said, taking the sword from me. "The Companions like to give all newcomers a hard time. Look Miss, don't always just do what you're told. Nobody rules anybody in the Companions."

"Someone has to be in charge, though," I said.

"Well, I'm not sure how they've managed it, but they have," he replied. "No leaders since Ysgramor. Kodlak is the Harbinger, and he's a sort of advisor for the whole group, but every man is his own. Every woman, her own."

"Are you a Companion?" I decided to ask.

"Not actually a Companion myself, but none of them know how to work a forge properly, and I'm honored to serve them," he explained. "I work the Skyforge. Best steel in all of Skyrim. All of Tamriel."

"Nice to meet you, Eorlund," I said. "I'll need to be going now."

"Wait. I have a favor to ask," he said, stopping me.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I've been working on a shield for Aela. My wife is in mourning and I need to get back to her soon. I'd be much obliged if you could take this to Aela for me."

"I'm happy to lend a hand."

"That's a good lass." He then picked up a steel shield from the table nearby and handed it to me. "Remember, don't let them step all over you. You will become one of them before long, I'm sure of it."

"Thank you, Eorlund. Godspeed to you and your wife!" I then took Aela's shield back down to Jorrvaskr. I hadn't met Aela yet but I assumed that she was also another one of the Companions.

Once inside Jorrvaskr, I saw only the old lady in the great hall, sweeping the floor. I approached her again. "Excuse me…where can I find Aela? I have a shield that Eorlund wants me to give to her."

"Everyone is downstairs in the living quarters at this hour," she replied. "You'll probably find her in her room. Go down the same hall you went down this morning and make a left in the anteroom."

I thanked her for her help again and went downstairs. I went down the long hallway and into the anteroom, where I could hear people talking. To my left, I saw a tall, red-haired woman standing in the room having a heated conversation with the man, Skjor, whom I had met earlier. I cautiously walked in. Skjor said something to the red-haired woman which caused her to sigh. She then turned and saw me and said, "Sheesh! Ysgramor himself wouldn't have the patience to deal with all the rabble around here."

I wasn't sure if she was addressing me or not so I didn't know what to say. On her face, I noticed some fierce-looking war paint. I took her to be someone with seniority around here. "Are you…Aela?" I slowly asked.

"Yes," she said boldly. "You're the newcomer. Do you want me to show you to your room?"

"Um, yes, but…first I have something for you from Eorlund," I said and presented her with the shield.

"Why thank you!" she said, taking it from me. "Ah, good. I've been waiting for this. Good to see you made it up here."

"You've met this one yet?" Skjor asked. "I saw her training in the yard with Vilkas."

"Ah, yes," Aela replied, grinning sardonically at me. "Roxanne, is it? I heard you gave him quite a thrashing."

"Don't let Vilkas catch you saying that," Skjor warned.

I smiled inwardly. _He _did_ seem somewhat…winded when we had finished sparring_, I thought.

Aela turned to face me again and asked seriously, "Do you think you could handle Vilkas in a real fight?"

"I don't care for boasting," I replied.

"Ah, a woman of action," she said, appearing satisfied with my answer. "Here, let me show you where you'll be resting your head."

Aela then proceeded to lead me up the long hallway and into a smaller set of rooms, each with beds. A couple of other women came up to us and spoke to us. Aela introduced me to them, who were Njada and Ria. They were also new to the Companions. But they sure had cocky attitudes.

"Here are your quarters," Aela explained. "Just pick a bed and fall in it when you're tired. Tilma will keep the place clean. She always has." _Tilma…she must be the helpful old lady I always see cleaning and dusting around here,_ I thought. She then showed me around some of the other rooms and after coming back to my quarters, she finally said, "Well, here you are. Come see me again in the morning and I will give you something to do."

"Okay," I simply said and she walked off. I walked into the bedroom.

"Oh, hey there," Ria said to me. She was sitting on her bed. "I killed a bear today. What have you done?"

I chose to ignore her and got out of my armor and into my pajamas. _Don't let anybody step all over you, Eorlund said._ I will have to get used to this new lifestyle. I climbed into bed, my first free bed since coming to Skyrim, and fell asleep.

Dawn came and I woke up to find that all three of the other beds in the room were occupied with sleeping women. _I guess they like to sleep late here_, I observed, and I got dressed quietly. I went upstairs into the great hall and was greeted by Tilma, the housekeeper. She was enjoying her morning tea so I sat and chatted with her. We seemed to be the only ones up this early. Finally, after a couple of hours, I saw Aela emerge from downstairs. "Well, you're up early. Not much for sleeping late, huh?"

"Not really," I responded.

"So you ready to go to work?" she asked me.

"Yeah, what do you got?" I asked.

"I have received word from the Jarl that some Sabrecats have been causing trouble around Helgen. They seem to be coming from the den in Bonechill Passage. If you can go there and clear out that beast den for us, that would be great."

_Do I really have a choice?_ "Okay, you got it."

"This is not an easy task; I hope you do well."

"I'll try my best." I then left Jorrvaskr. First, I purchased some steel armor and weapons and outfitted myself with them, selling all of my iron armor and weapons. Then, I set out on my task.

Clearing out the beast den wasn't easy, as Aela had said, but I made it out, with minor cuts and scrapes. I came back to Jorrvaskr and reported to Aela.

"Well, I'm impressed," she said to me at the door, when I came in, all dirty and with a few cuts and scrapes here and there. "You're stronger than you look. Well done, Roxanne. Perhaps we can hunt together, someday."

"Is there anything else that needs to be done?"

"Nope. I don't have anything. Why don't you go wash off and come back up and maybe I'll think of something."

So I went downstairs and bathed. After that, I came back up and talked to Aela again. "I don't have anything for you…but Skjor was looking for you earlier and said that he has something for you to do. I don't know what it is, but you'd better hurry. He's in the study."

I entered the study and found Skjor standing there, reading. He saw me enter and said, "Ah, there you are."

"You wanted to see me?" I asked.

"I did," he replied. "Your time, it seems, has come."

"What do you mean?" I questioned.

"Last week a scholar came to us. He said he knew where we could find another fragment of Wuuthrad. He seemed a fool to me, but if he's right, the honor of the Companions demands that we seek it out."

"What does this have to do with me?"

"This is a simple errand, but the time is right for it to be your Trial. Carry yourself with honor, and you'll become a true Companion."

"What is this Wuuthrad fragment that I'm looking for and where am I going?"

"Wuuthrad is the name given to the ancient battleaxe that Ysgramor, our founder, himself wielded. Over time, Wuuthrad became broken into several fragments, and they have become lost in history. We have managed to find all but one of the fragments. The scholar that came to us claimed that it was hidden in a place called Dustman's Cairn, which is far to the west of here. That is where you will go and retrieve it."

"Consider it done," I obeyed and began to leave.

"Wait," he said. "You are not going alone, whelp. You will have a Shield-Sibling accompany you on this venture. We Companions know not to wander through caves and dungeons alone. They are very dangerous. Shield-Siblings are what we employ so that you can have someone watch out for you, and you them. Come. I will introduce you to your Shield-Sibling for this task." Skjor then led me outside onto the back patio. Some of the Companions were out here hanging out. I followed Skjor to the edge of the patio and saw that a lone young man was training with a greatsword out in the courtyard. "Farkas!" he called out to the man.

The man sheathed his weapon and walked over to us. I was struck by the man's physique. He had long, straggly black hair, unshaven face, pale skin with many scars, and dark war paint lining his eyes. His big shoulders and chest gave him an imposing stature. He had a somewhat frightening appearance, truth be told. "Yeah?" he answered in a deep and raspy voice.

"I'd like you to meet this new blood, Roxanne," Skjor said.

"New blood?" Farkas looked at me. "Oh, hello. I'm Farkas. Pleased to meet you, Roxanne." He held out his hand, which was large and muscular.

I reached out and took it, shaking his hand. He lowered his head a little bit and a slight, chivalrous smile came to his face. _Why, he's not that frightening after all,_ I thought.

"Farkas here will answer any questions you have," Skjor said. "Try not to disappoint. Or to get him killed. Well, I'll leave you to it!" Skjor said and left us.

"Welcome to the Companions," Farkas said to me.

"Thank you," I replied. "But Skjor says I have to prove my honor first before I can officially join."

"Let's see if you impress, then."

"Well, let's not waste any time."

Farkas smiled. "I like your attitude. Want to head out to Dustman's Cairn now?"

"Let's do it."

"Okay, then follow me."

Farkas and I left Jorrvaskr and headed out of Whiterun to Dustman's Cairn.


	2. Chapter 2

Farkas and I left Jorrvaskr and headed out of Whiterun to Dustman's Cairn. Once we got out of the city, the land opened up. Out here flowed streams and rivers of sparkling sapphire blue and vast fields of emerald green. I hadn't seen anything so beautiful since training out in the meadows in the outskirts of Ceredia. Gray, craggy mountains rose like fortresses all around us. There was an otherworldly beauty to this place, and I thought to myself, I must spend a day or two fishing in these streams or hunting bears out here once all the dragons have left. I felt like this was something to be cherished as soon as possible because its pristine existence seemed so fragile and fleeting.

As Farkas and I were going along the cobblestone path leading northwest, going at a slight jogging pace, he opened up a conversation with me. "Have you met all of the Companions yet?"

"Not yet," I replied. "How many are there?"

"There are nine total," he answered. "Add you and that makes ten. There used to be a lot more, but people don't tend to stick around for long, I guess because of how demanding it is."

"Why would Skjor tell me not to get you killed?" I asked. "I mean if I were him, I'd be more worried about the newcomer- me!"

Farkas snorted. "Oh, don't worry. Skjor likes to tease me, but he's a good guy. He challenges us to be our best."

"They all seem like good people," I said. "I would be honored to become part of such a faction."

"Do well, and you'll have no problem getting in," he said. "Although I have to say, it's nice to have a new face around. It gets boring there sometimes. I hope we keep you. This can be a rough life."

_You have no idea what my life has already been like,_ I thought. But that can be a story for another time. Unlike the other Companions, Farkas made me feel very much at ease. Despite his very rough and harsh appearance, he actually turned out to be very gentle and kind-hearted. He really seemed like he wanted to help me join the Companions. I also learned that he was Vilkas' twin brother. _I might have known,_ I thought when he told me this. _I thought there some physical resemblance between them._ But their personalities were very different. I think I was starting to like Farkas more. And I'm sure that under all those scars and war paint, he was a handsome Nord.

We finally reached Dustman's Cairn in about an hour. Tall, ancient burial stones surrounded a large hole in the ground which was accessible by stone steps. Farkas and I climbed down the steps into the barrow and opened a set of double doors made of solid iron. Once inside, a very dank smell invaded my nostrils. I looked all around me and saw that we were inside a man-made tunnel. Dark green moss hung from the ceiling. We took a few steps forward and emerged in a large room. Two torches lined the walls to our left and right. There was a dead body on the ground, but it didn't look like it had been there for that long. "Looks like someone's been digging here," Farkas observed, drawing his greatsword. "And recently. Tread lightly."

I followed suit and drew my steel sword.

"Okay, Roxanne. Lead the way. I'll follow behind you."

I gulped and proceeded through the room, examining the body but only finding a little bit of gold in a satchel. We then moved on through some more tunnels and caverns. Before we got very far in, we encountered some draugrs, which Farkas told me were long-dead Nords from ancient times, resurrected by necromancers that liked to roam the tombs and dungeons, practicing their magic on dead things. The draugrs were easy enough to fight. Their outer bodies were so degenerated to the point where their bones were visible and the entire shape of their eyeballs and teeth were visible. They wielded weapons and armor like any other living being but they moved very slowly and their eyesight, I imagined, was quite poor. But there were a lot of them. Such a horrible thing for these once-noble warriors of long-past history to be wandering around in unrest in this state, all because some magician used them as mere fodder in their twisted, dark arts! As Skjor had told me, Farkas and I backed each other up. He was a great warrior. I learned to respect him very quickly. Our casual chitchat had ceased upon entering battle down here, and I saw a whole other side of him emerge as we made our way through the barrow. He was a very serious and passionate fighter, always forging ahead with a battle cry to engage the enemy in close combat. He wielded and swung his greatsword like a master. I kept in mind that I should never be as unfortunate as to cross him.

We finally reached a large chamber that contained an Arcane Enchanter and two thrones. Farkas stopped to examine the artifacts in the room, which included some books. "I'm going to try to find some spell books and enchant my sword if you don't mind. If you want to, go on ahead and I'll catch up to you. Just yell if you run into any trouble."

_Will that really be alright?_ "Okay." Somehow, I felt like it was a bad idea to try arguing with him when he was in his business-like mood. I went to the other end of the chamber and found a gate barring the exit. _Ah yes, a gate. There must be a lever to open it here somewhere…_I didn't find one nearby, where they always were, so I kept looking. Farkas was sitting on one of the thrones, leafing through some books. I kept searching for a lever when I found a little room near the thrones and went in. I picked up some healing potions from a shelf and next to it, there was a lever. _Here we go!_ I reached down and pulled it. Just then, I heard a loud slam and when I turned around, I saw that a gate had come down right in front of me. I turned around and tried to pull the lever again to open up the gate, but it was stuck. _Oh, shit, I'm trapped in here!_ I realized. I turned back around and looked out of the gate. _Should I call Farkas?_ I thought. _I don't feel very…honorable in this situation._ Just then, I saw Farkas walk up to the gate, chuckling. "Now look what you've gotten yourself into," he said in a mock scolding manner.

_What? How can you be laughing about this situation?_ The expression on my face as I stared at him must've been such an alarming mix of surprise and fear that he immediately dropped the teasing and said reassuringly, "No worries. Just sit tight. I'll find the release."

I nodded, feeling the need to apologize somehow for getting both of us into this mess when all of a sudden, I saw a bunch of movement at the other end of the chamber behind Farkas. "What was that?" Farkas uttered, immediately drawing his greatsword and turning towards the clamber. It was a group of warriors swarming the chamber! I gripped the bars on the gate to get a closer look. They were all running in with swords raised.

"It's time to die, dog!" one of them yelled.

"We knew you'd be coming here," another one declared.

Farkas faced them, standing at the ready. He took a step back as they all began to surround him.

"Your mistake, Companion," a warrior spoke.

"Which one is that?" another warrior asked.

"It doesn't matter," his comrade answered him. "He wears that armor, he dies."

I watched helplessly as the warriors started closing in on him. Farkas took a few more steps back, coming closer to me.

"Killing you will make for an excellent story," a warrior spoke gleefully.

I clenched my grip around the gate's bars. _No!_ _He's outnumbered!_ _I have to help him! But here I am trapped like a rat…damn it!_

Suddenly, I heard Farkas declare calmly, "None of you will be alive to tell it." Then, I witnessed a truly horrific sight before my eyes. He began writhing as if in pain and it took me almost a full minute to realize what was happening to him. Thick, dark hair began covering him from head to toe and his entire physique seemed to change. Some of the warriors let out a gasp and I heard the clanking of swords drop to the floor as the warriors beheld this sight. Farkas let out a deep, throaty growl as his body completely transfigured into something beastly. On his hands grew long, sharp claws and his face lengthened into a canine-like muzzle with sharp teeth and turned black. Some of the warriors cried out in horror. Farkas was a werewolf! I stepped back from the gate and watched in horror and awe as he charged at the warriors and in a mess of blood, claws, and teeth, violently tore them all apart. I grabbed hold of the bars again and pressed myself against them so that I could get a closer look at this terrible sight- to fully _understand_ what was going on. But it was absolute chaos out there. When all of his adversaries had fallen, Farkas raised his great muzzle up in the air and let out a guttural howl. The sound rattled my bones and curdled my blood. He then ran off to my left and out of sight and before I knew it, it was over. Just then, to my surprise, the gate rose up before me. I stepped slowly out of the room that I was trapped in, afraid to encounter the unspeakable. I needed to see this werewolf close-up- to touch the fur, to feel the muzzle, and to look into the fierce, red eyes to believe it for myself. I slowly looked to my left, but the room was empty. I began walking towards that direction and nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw Farkas, back in his human form, walk up to me from around the corner.

"Are you alright?" he asked me gently.

"…Y-y-yeah, I'm alright," I answered uncertainly. "Uh, are you?"

"Yeah. I hope I didn't scare you," he answered.

"Um, what was _that_ all about?" I decided to ask.

"Well…it's a blessing given to some of us. We can be like wild beasts. Fearsome."

"Oh? Blessed? So you're not going to…make _me_ like that when this is all said and done are you?"

"Oh, no," he quickly replied. "Only the Circle have the beastblood. Anyway, we should keep moving. Still the draugr to worry about. Remember…'eyes on the prey, not the horizon.'

"Okay…" I felt like I shouldn't inquire any further anyway so I pressed onward. The gate that had originally blocked the way forward was now open. We made our way through several more rooms, killing draugrs and also other enemies left and right. Farkas told me that the other enemies were called Silver Hands and that they targeted Companions members for some reason. We even encountered some giant Frostbite Spiders down here, which were a huge menace. They would pop out from behind thick curtains of white cobwebs and try to bite us with their teeth, which were as large as daggers, and shoot poison at us which burned like acid when it touched our skin. I also constantly wondered if Farkas was going to transform into a werewolf again and I could finally see this phenomenon up close. But he did no such thing, nor did he make any mention of it again.

Finally, we reached a large, airy chamber with a big, stone altar at the head of the room. Many stone coffins lined the walls of the room. Farkas and I slowly approached the altar, and saw that there was a small pedestal, in the center of the altar. Sitting on top of it, was what looked like a broken fragment of a large, flat blade. Farkas nodded at me and said, "That's it! That's the fragment of Wuuthrad. Go ahead and take it, but prepare for battle. I have a bad feeling about this room." I glanced at all of the coffins lining the walls, and I think I knew what he meant.

I drew my sword and cautiously picked up the fragment. As soon as I did, I heard creaking and clanking noises. I turned around and saw that all of the coffins started to open. My heart began to race in anticipation of what was about to come. I began taking a few steps back and bumped into Farkas. He stood poised, prepared for the battle, facing the other side of the room. We watched as draugrs emerged from the open coffins and saw us. "You take that side of the room!" I ordered Farkas. "I'll take this!"

"Got it!" Farkas replied, and we separated, with me charging towards the reanimated draugrs on the left side of the room and Farkas charging towards the ones on the right side. Draugr after draugr came out and attacked us. It was chaos! Some even appeared from other rooms to attack us! The onslaught seemed endless. But we both persisted and we hacked and slashed at every one until there were none left. We knew we had killed the last one when all became quiet save for our heavy breathing and the metallic sound of us sheathing our swords.

"You alright?" Farkas asked me, breathlessly.

"Yes. You?" I asked, just as much out of breath as he was.

"I'm fine," he replied. "Well, looks like you did it. You got the fragment. Let's head on back to Jorrvaskr."

A great sense of relief and accomplishment washed over me as we dragged some of the draugr bodies to the edges of the room to clear the path. Farkas followed me as I then made my way back through the tunnels from where we came. We found the exit out of Dustman's Cairn and climbed back outside and out of the barrow. The sun was low in the sky to the west, casting an orange glow on the open meadows all around us. We both then hiked the long way back to Whiterun. An hour later, we were back in Whiterun and making our way up the steps east of the Gildergreen tree towards Jorrvaskr. Farkas' brother, Vilkas, was waiting for us at the top of the steps.

"We've been awaiting your return," he said to us as we ascended the steps. He then nodded at Farkas, who was all sweaty and breathless. "Brother," he nodded at him.

"I got the fragment!" I exclaimed as I walked up to him.

"Excellent," Vilkas replied. "Come, follow me.

I nodded and followed Vilkas. Farkas joined his brother's side as Vilkas gave him a pat on the shoulder and asked him how it was. They talked between themselves and I followed them around to the back of Jorrvaskr. Kodlak and the rest of the Companions were waiting there in the courtyard training ground.

When Kodlak saw us, he said, "You've returned. And you brought the fragment!"

"Yes, I have," I said. I then handed it to him. "Here it is."

Kodlak took it from me and said, "Wonderful. You have my utmost thanks."

"Harbinger," Vilkas spoke. "Does this mean that she is one of us now?"

"You are correct," Kodlak said to him. "Miss Roxanne, stand over here." He gestured to the space next to him. I obeyed and he addressed the rest of the Companions with me at his side, "Brothers and sisters of the Companions, today we welcome a new soul into our mortal fold. This woman has endured, has challenged, and has shown her valor. Who will speak for her?"

"I," Farkas declared immediately, stepping forward. "I stand witness to the courage of the soul before us."

"Would you raise your shield in her defense?" Kodlak asked.

"I would stand at her back, that the world might never overtake us," Farkas proclaimed.

"Would you raise your sword in her honor?" Kodlak asked.

"It stands ready to meet the blood of her foes," Farkas proclaimed.

"And would you raise a mug in her name?" Kodlak asked.

"I would lead the song of triumph as our mead hall reveled in her stories," Farkas proclaimed. He then looked at me and gave a little smile.

I felt my face grow a little warm. _Why thank you, Farkas. You are too kind…_

"Then the judgment of this circle is complete," Kodlak declared. "Her heart beats with fury and courage that have united the Companions since the days of the distant green summers. Let it beat with ours, that the mountains may echo and our enemies may tremble at the call."

"It shall be so," Vilkas spoke up.

"It shall be so!" everyone else shouted, raising their fists.

At this, my heart swelled with pride and appreciation. Never before had I witnessed such loyalty from fellow warriors. I finally began feeling like I was part of a family. And a very honorable one, at that. Kodlak put his hands on my shoulder. "Well, Miss Roxanne, you're one of us now. I trust you won't disappoint."

I couldn't contain my smile any longer. I beamed visibly, and everyone applauded. We then proceeded to hold a small party and everyone enjoyed freshly-cooked food out on the patio. There was also plenty of mead to enjoy, which I partook in. I hung out with Aela, who was beginning to actually warm up to me now. At one point, after everyone had had plenty of mead, each person stood up on the patio in front of the doors and related a wild and crazy tale about one or their own exploits in battle. Aela related a story about how she single-handedly took down three snow bears standing on a cliff high above her in the woods. Vilkas had a story about how he and Ria slaughtered a mammoth together, and Farkas told a story about how he beheaded a small group of necromancers trying to resurrect a dead werewolf in a cave. Njada, Ria, Torvar, and Athis also related their own stories. Spirits were high and everyone seemed so animated. After Athis told his story, everyone began cajoling me to relate my own tale, so I eventually gave in and stood up. I proceeded to tell everyone about the dragon I battled at the Western Watchtower several days ago after coming to Whiterun for the first time. Feeling so good after having had a couple of bottles of mead, I had no qualms acting like a showman.

"The dragon, like a coward, hovered at a distance above me and a small group of soldiers from the imperial legion!" I shouted, raising my arms like the dragon's wings. "But I wasn't going to have any of this! I ran up the steps of the watchtower," I demonstrated by running across the patio, "and met the dragon face-to-face at the very top!"

Everyone gasped.

"Did you look the dragon in the eye?" Njada asked me.

"Yes," I answered. "And a fierce, scary-looking beast it was! Ten times my size! I was so close that I could see every scale, every vein in its webbed wings!"

"Did the dragon attack you directly?" Aela asked.

"Yes!" I answered. "It opened its great beak of a mouth, and out came a huge blast of fire, blowing me backwards and burning me!"

Everyone gasped again.

"I was so blinded by the flames that I nearly lost my footing and fell off the tower, but I stood steadfast and before I knew it, the fire had ceased and I was able to pull out my bow quickly enough to fire a shot right into its eye!"

"Wow!" Kodlak cried.

"The dragon doubled back and gave a great pained shriek, at which I took the chance to fire a couple of more arrows! And it finally fell out of the sky, its great body hitting the ground like a big CRASH of thunder, and its wings followed with a second CRASH!"

"You killed the dragon?" Vilkas asked.

"Yes, sir," I replied, "And when I climbed down from the tower to examine its body, the whole thing suddenly erupted in flames! 'Step back!' someone shouted, and we all had to take a few steps away as the dragon burnt right up. Suddenly then, I felt a great wind erupt from the body of the dragon and I nearly fell backwards as the wind overtook me! I then suddenly felt…stronger! The dragon's soul had entered me!"

A louder gasp erupted from the crowd.

"The dragon's soul?" Ria questioned.

"I've heard such stories!" Skjor said in awe.

"But what does it mean?" Vilkas asked.

"I do not know," I admitted. "But it sounds like while I am here in Skyrim, I am bound to find out."

I then took a seat at the table with Aela, Njada, and Ria. They began asking me a bunch of questions, most of which I did not have answers to, but after a while, we got to laughing and joking again. After a few hours, it was well into the night and the party died down and we all headed inside to get ready for bed.

"So those dragon stories are true," Vilkas said to me as I made my way downstairs. He appeared fascinated. Farkas was with him.

"I'm still learning about them myself," I said.

"You are a very brave woman," Farkas said. "Those things are scary."

"I wish to know more about these dragons," Vilkas pressed. "And your experiences with them…absorbing their _souls_ and everything. We _must_ sit down and talk about it sometime. I have so many questions to ask you!"

"You, my brother, can ask all the questions you want," Farkas remarked, smirking. "Someday, I want to go _hunt_ a dragon with you."

"So be it, my Shield-Brother!" I exclaimed.

"_I_ prefer to read about them," Vilkas proclaimed snootily. He then put his hand on his brother's shoulder. "But if you want to go out and kill a dragon…then be my guest." He gave him a couple of hard pats on the shoulder and went on down the stairs.

"Okay, elf-brain!" Farkas retorted. "Then _I_ shall get all the glory!"

Vilkas stopped and turned around. "What did you call me?" he challenged, narrowing his eyes.

"You heard me!" Farkas snickered.

Vilkas pursed his lips together tightly and growled, balling both hands into fists. "Why you…"

Farkas smiled nonchalantly and said, "See, Roxanne, I'm a doer. My brother here…talker."

"Oh yeah?" Vilkas mocked. "_I'll_ show you a doer!" He then charged towards Farkas on the steps. I watched in surprise as he subdued his brother by the shoulders and pushed him down. "Agh!" Farkas cried out. "You crazy bastard!" I burst out into laughter as they engaged in a mock wrestling match, growling and shouting insults at each other. I could not stop laughing.

"Hey! Clear the stairs!" I heard Aela bark. She was standing at the top of the stairs and looking at the spectacle in disdain. Njada was standing beside her, scowling.

Farkas and Vilkas stood up and Vilkas said, "My apologies, Aela. I was just teaching my brother a lesson."

Aela made a clicking sound with her tongue and uttered, "Men…" She and Njada walked past them and joined me as we entered the living quarters and left the twins behind.

"Don't be afraid to boss those two around, Roxanne," Aela said to me after we closed the door. "Sometimes they act like little boys."

"I thought it was funny, truthfully" I said. "I didn't want to break them up."

"Hmph," she snorted. "I don't know where you get your patience for such rabble."

"Are they always like this when they have too much mead to drink?" I asked.

"Yes, and sometimes even when they don't drink," she sighed. "Sometimes I actually find myself wondering what the Companions would be like with no men around."

"It would be much cleaner," Njada remarked.

"And smell better," Ria chimed in from her room, joining our conversation.

_But I don't know if it would be as much…fun,_ I almost said.

"Well, I'm going to bed," Aela said. "Goodnight, girls!"

"Goodnight!" Njada, Ria, and I said to her and retreated to our own quarters.

After getting undressed, I climbed into bed and lay awake for awhile. I found my thoughts drifting back to my family I left in Ceredia. As I mentioned before, I came from a very large clan of Nords called the Ihaniks. My own family unit within the clan was large, itself. My father, Niklaus, had twenty wives, all of whom were designated as my mothers. In all, I had thirty brothers and forty-one sisters, and I was among the youngest. From as early as I could remember, I was taught in the ways of the fist, blade, and magicka. I was taught not to fear blood or death. Our family was somewhat close-knit, but one could hardly call it loving. I had no idea who my real mother was, and in fact, it wasn't until recently that I realized that I was born from a single woman. Our parents were pretty harsh and abusive, but I learned very quickly how to defend myself and be tough.

Growing up, I only knew to hate the Spagos. They were a close-knit family like ours and I never knew the real reason why we hated them so but I was always told simple things like "they stole from people" or that "they killed animals for fun." Many times, a brawl broke out between one or a few of my siblings and one or a few of the Spagos. Some ended in death while others ended in injuries followed by solemn vows of vengeance. My parents and my older siblings said that we had to kill them all whenever we had the chance. But the Spagos were very advanced in magicka. It was very difficult to engage them in close combat. So that is why, one day, one of my brothers, Wendel, got the idea to turn me into a Khajiit. He had just started learning magicka and alchemy. He wanted me to invade their house and steal their spellbooks, and he had read about Khajiits and how they could see in the dark and move without making a sound. He had somehow gotten a hold of one of the Spagos' spellbooks about shapeshifting and transmutation and decided to perform the ritual on me. He promised me that he would transform me back and that the book would tell him how to do it so I went along with it. On the day before I was to go out and embark on my theft mission, Wendel read the book and performed the ritual on me to turn me into a Khajiit. It worked, and I had become like the feline race. My body became covered with black and white fur, I grew a tail, and my teeth and fingernails became razor-sharp. Aside from the aesthetic changes, I also felt a change within me, as well. I felt much more lithe and nimble. My eyesight became superior when it got dark. And my teeth and claws did some damage to whatever I sliced them through. I felt ready to impress my brother and my family by taking on this mission and being successful. However, I didn't count on the rest of my family's reaction when they saw what happened to me. When my parents first saw me in my Khajiit form, they were immediately disgusted and kicked me and Wendel out of the clan, disowning both of us. Deciding that we would no longer feel welcome in Ceredia at all, Wendel and I exiled ourselves and headed north through the wilderness. We survived by hunting and fishing, and whenever we went through towns, we would covertly steal food and clothing from the residents there. In one town not too far from Ceredia, we were caught stealing fish from a barrel right outside of an inn and were pursued by the owner. I was able to escape, but Wendel wasn't. I had thought he was running right behind me into the trees but once I was safe under the cover of the thick forest, I turned around and saw that he was gone. I had no choice but to continue onward, assuming that he was dead. I reached the land of Cyrodiil a few days later, my psyche and sense of self-worth degenerated as I quickly realized that without Wendel, I was alone. And without his spellbook, what I thought was going to be a brief stint as a Khajiit was actually going to be a lifetime of accepting what I had become, for there was now no turning back- I would be a Khajiit forever. I was without a family and without a companion for the very first time in my life. My life had hit an extreme low, and it was then as I was traveling through Cyrodiil when I was captured by Imperial soldiers and brought to Skyrim. They took me and a couple of other prisoners to a town called Helgen, and there I watched as the soldiers cut the head off of one of the prisoners on a chopping block, and called upon me next. It was at this very moment that the dragon swooped down and attacked the city. I always call it _the_ dragon because it was then when I felt that my life had changed. Before that moment, I was a sad and lonely sod, ready to die, but after, I felt as if the dragon had granted me a second chance at life, and I felt a renewed sense of purpose. I would never hope to transform back to my old self again, but the things that I could do with myself, the things that I could do with my life…didn't seem all hopeless any longer. I decided that I would help the people discover why dragons had returned to their land, as they hadn't been there for hundreds of years, and to help them eradicate this reemerging threat.

As I lay there, lost in thought, I then thought about all the events that had transpired since coming to Skyrim and ending up in Helgen, Whiterun, and finally, here at Jorrvaskr. I thought about all of the people that I had met who didn't treat me with contempt or suspicion and wondered why this was so. I wondered why Hadvar had set me free and essentially pardoned my execution. I wondered why I had suddenly gained the admiration of Aela, Farkas, Vilkas, and Kodlak. I surely didn't _deserve_ any of this. Yet I felt a great sense of comfort and happiness as I thought about these people. And now I was part of a family again- the _Companions_, it was called. They all really did begin feeling like true companions. And I imagined that someday I would view them as true brothers and sisters. _Maybe…but there's still some things that I've yet to know about them, _I knew. For one thing, it still somewhat bothered me how nonchalant Farkas was about the whole werewolf incident. _Is he just used to that or is he really expecting me to become used to it, myself? _I wondered. _And what is this Circle that he mentioned? Would I ever really become a true member of this family or am I just deluding myself?_ I then drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, I got up early again and went to the table to eat some breakfast. My head felt like it was pounding from the wild and exciting day and night before, but having some bread, fried eggs, and cheese made me feel a little better. Tilma and Kodlak were up. Tilma was busy in the kitchen so I spoke with Kodlak. At some point, I don't remember how, I brought up the subject of werewolves. I think my curiosity about the incident with Farkas became too great that it somehow just slipped out.

"I see you've been allowed to know some secrets before your appointed time," Kodlak remarked in a somewhat surprised manner.

"Yes, but we were in great danger," I said in Farkas' defense. "I got myself trapped and Farkas was greatly outnumbered. He was so…powerful."

"It is a powerful…blessing that we share, yes," he said.

"So you have it, too?" I asked.

Kodlak sighed. "Yes. Perhaps it's okay for you to know everything. Not every Companion shares the blood of the beast. Only members of the Circle, who are the most powerful members. Some take to it more than others."

_Well, I sort of already knew that._ "Why were you hesitant to call it a blessing?"

"Because I do not really see it as so. The others will differ with me on this one but I believe it is a curse." He then looked solemn as he continued, "I grow old. My mind turns towards the horizon. To Sovngarde. I worry that Shor won't call an animal to glory as he would a true Nord warrior. Living as beasts draws our souls closer to the Daedric Lord Hircine. Some may prefer an eternity in his Hunting Grounds, but I crave the fellowship of Sovngarde."

"Then…you're looking to cure yourself?"

"Yes, but it's no easy matter. But…that is something to be talked about at a later time. Anyway, Roxanne…please promise me that you will keep this a secret, especially to those outside of Jorrvaskr. We who possess the beastblood are not exactly liked. What you have seen in Farkas was an incredible display of power. But he also could have easily used it on you, as well. In beast form you see, we cannot so easily discern what is good and what is evil. We only know one feeling- and that is the need to feed."

"I see," I said, trying to take this all in. "So you're saying that Farkas could have killed me if he wanted to down there?"

"Yes, Roxanne. When I heard about what happened I was shocked myself to find that you were unscathed. Perhaps those bars that stood between you and him were the only thing keeping _you_ alive during that attack. That is why we only use that power when we absolutely need to. I already gave Farkas a lecture about it. I believe he was treading on thin ice when he used that power with you present and it had nothing to do with failing to keep a secret."

After this conversation with Kodlak I had to go back to my room and think for a while. It was a lot to take in. I also began wondering what exactly this Circle was and how one became a member in it. Not that I had become eager to join, but I felt like I was learning new secrets everyday about the Companions.

Late in the morning, I went out to the patio and found Farkas enjoying a drink all by himself. Vilkas and Torvar were in the courtyard, practicing their sparring techniques. I joined him at the table.

"Enjoying the weather?" I asked. "Or enjoying Vilkas getting a beatdown?" I winked, alluding to last night's funny event.

Farkas laughed lightly. "Of course," he replied. "Want some mead?"

"Oh, no, I'm good for now," I said. "Thanks anyway."

"Had enough last night?" he asked good-naturedly.

"Oh yeah," I responded, putting my hand on my head. "Had a little headache this morning."

"Our favorite mead will do that to you," he said. "You'll get used to it."

I watched him in silence as he gulped down his drink and put the tankard down.

"Sorry," he said. "I'm not much of a talker. My brother, Vilkas, is a better talker than me. He may be able to join us, soon."

"It's okay. I…I just wanted to apologize," I started.

"For what?"

"About the incident down in Dustman's Cairn. I feel like I put you in danger, getting myself trapped and all and I-"

"You don't have to apologize. You did what you had to do, and that's all that matters. Those Silver Hands that came in were solely after me. If anyone needs to apologize, it's me, for putting you in a situation that you had no business being in."

"Well…I just want to thank you for saving me. As my Shield-Brother you…you did a very good job in protecting me."

A smile formed on his face. "That's good to hear." Immediately, though, his smile faded and his expression grew very serious. "I promise I won't use my beast form in your presence again, though."

"That's okay. Kodlak told me everything."

"So you know all about us?"

"The Circle? Yes. And I promised that I wouldn't tell anyone. I don't quite understand everything about it, but…I won't pry. It really is none of my business, after all."

"Thanks, Roxanne. I really couldn't ask any more of you. I'm glad you seem to understand where I'm coming from."

"I do. It must be…difficult…to constantly feel like you're being prejudiced or hunted." As I said this, I felt like I was saying it to myself, as well.

Farkas must've sensed my sudden melancholiness and distant look so he then asked me, "So how did a Khajiit like you end up in Skyrim, anyway?"

"I…I didn't come here on my own accord," I explained, trying not to show the hurt of being called a Khajiit. I then proceeded to tell him about how I was arrested by Imperial guards and how I was wrongly accused of conspiring against the Empire and nearly executed before a dragon interrupted everything. I told him that I was going to stay in Skyrim for a while because I needed to find out more about the sudden dragon invasion. However, I left out the part about how I was turned into a Khajiit by my brother. Somehow, I felt like I couldn't let him in on this secret just yet. At this point, despite finding out about his lycanthropy secret, I still barely knew him. However, after our long conversation at the table, I felt like we knew and understood each other a lot better. _I shall enjoy being his Shield-Sister on many occasions very much,_ I thought.

After this, I asked him what I should do next and he told me that Aela had something for me, so I talked to her. She wanted me to clear out another beast den so I did that, came back, and she told me that there was really nothing else to do. So I decided to leave Jorrvaskr for a while and pursue my mission to find out more about the dragons.


	3. Chapter 3

So I decided to leave Jorrvaskr for a while and pursue my mission to find out more about the dragons. This mission brought me to Riverwood, where I was called upon by a woman named Delphine who was also interested in finding out more about the dragons. She didn't know why they were returning to Skyrim either, but she told me about a group of elves in Skyrim who was particularly interested in these events. They were called the Thalmor, and they seeked to advance their influence over all of Skyrim. In order to find out more information from them, we penetrated their embassy in the northern region and were able to obtain some important documents. Delphine then said that she needed some time to go through them so I left her to go back to Whiterun.

When I arrived in Whiterun, I decided to load up on some more supplies so I made my way to Belethor's General Goods store. On my way there, I saw Farkas and Torvar coming out of the Bannered Mare. Farkas saw me and shouted, "Hey, welcome back!" He then turned to Torvar to say something to him. I imagine he said something along the lines of catching up with him later because I saw Torvar wave to both me and him and walked away in the direction of Jorrvaskr. Farkas ran up to me and said, "Good to see you back in town again. How are you doing?"

"I am doing well," I replied. "Spent a day in Solitude. I'm glad to be back, though." I decided not to tell him about Delphine or my latest exploits with her.

"Good to hear," he said.

"And you?" I asked.

"Oh, same ol' same ol'. Been training with Skjor and Vilkas. Getting teased and called names by everyone."

I laughed. "Well, you look well. You and Torvar like hanging out at the Bannered Mare?"

"Yeah. We like to grab drinks there sometimes," he said. "In fact, you and I should do the same sometime. How about tonight? To celebrate your return to Jorrvaskr."

"That sounds great," I said. "I will see you back at Jorrvaskr shortly. I just need to stop by Belethor's for a bit."

"Great! See you later," he said.

I bid him farewell for the time being and went on with my business. Once that was taken care of, I returned to Jorrvaskr. Skjor wanted to talk to me, saying that he had another assignment for me. However, he didn't tell me exactly what it was right away, this time. He just said that he had "something special planned for me." He told me to meet him in the courtyard tonight. I realized that I would have to tell Farkas since he wanted to take me out drinking that same night. I found him outside in the courtyard, boxing with one of the stuffed mannequins that were set up against the stone wall. I walked up to him and said, "Hey, Farkas. I'm sorry to interrupt."

He stopped boxing and saw me. "Oh, hey Roxanne. Nothing to worry about. What's going on?"

"I just wanted to let you know that Skjor wants me to do something for him tonight. And I'm afraid that means I won't be able to go have drinks with you."

"Aw, that's too bad," he said, disappointed. "Sounds important, though."

"Yeah, he just said it was something 'special,'" I quoted.

"Hmm, maybe he's going to present you with a new sword or something," he surmised. "Well, I guess we'd better take a raincheck then."

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Not a problem," he says. "Companions business comes first."

I left him and went shopping around Whiterun, ate lunch at The Bannered Mare, and at about seven o' clock, I went back to Jorrvaskr and to the courtyard. Skjor was waiting. When I approached him, he whispered, "No one is following you, correct?"

I nodded, somewhat curiously. _Why is he being so secretive?_ I wondered.

"Okay, we are going into the Underforge. It is The Circle's secret hideout," he said, leading me away from the courtyard.

"Hideout?" I whispered.

Skjor nodded and suddenly stopped at the edge of the courtyard near the solid rock wall that was under Eorlund's Skyforge. Just then, a hole in the rock wall opened up. I gasped in surprise. A secret door! Skjor then gestured towards it and urged, "Please, after you."

I went in and Skjor followed behind me, sealing the wall shut. It appeared as if I had just entered a cave. It was very dim in here so it took my eyes a while to adjust.

"Are you prepared?" Skjor asked me.

"Yes," I answered, although I had no idea what I was preparing myself for. "What is this place?"

"Here's all you need to know," he began to explain. "Jorrvaskr is the oldest building in Whiterun. The Skyforge was here long before it was. And the Underforge taps an ancient magic that is older than men or elves. We bring you here to make you stronger, new blood. You are about to be inducted into the Circle now, do you understand?"

"Oh! Yes," I replied uncertainly. _Wait, is this the same Circle that Kodlak and Farkas told me about? The ones "blessed" with lycanthropy? Am I about to gain this "blessing," too?_ I didn't want to say anything about it because I wasn't supposed to know, so I just followed Skjor into another cavern. My heart nearly stopped when we emerged and I saw a black werewolf in front of me. "Farkas?" I blurted out.

"No," Skjor said. "It's Aela. Do not be alarmed, Roxanne. She's agreed to be your forebear. We do this in secret because Kodlak is too busy trying to throw away this great gift we've been granted."

"Wait a minute, Skjor," I said. "I have to tell you something. Kodlak told me about this. He told me about the blessing that you all have. And I'm not so sure…he referred to it as a curse."

"A curse!" Skjor exclaimed. "He thinks we've been cursed. But we've been blessed! How can something that gives you this kind of prowess be a curse? So we take matters into our own hands."

I still looked at him, feeling very uncertain.

"Don't worry," he reassured. "We all know about the dangers of this blessing. But what Kodlak probably didn't tell you is that you _can_ control it. You can choose when you want to transform and when you want to come back to human form. See? Aela will not hurt you, I promise."

I looked up at Aela. Her glowing red eyes met with mine and I felt my blood curdle. However, she made no move towards me.

"To reach the heights of the Companions, you must join with us in the shared blood of the wolf. To be part of the Circle- to be like Aela, Kodlak, Vilkas, Farkas, and myself. We are all members of an elite group, and you are about to partake in this very elite ceremony. What say you? Are you prepared to join your spirit with the beast world, friend?"

_Oh, dear._ I really didn't know what to say. Ever since I heard about this Circle, I was very curious and I have to admit, almost jealous that I couldn't fully understand or be a part of something so secretive. If I do this, I will no doubt become a werewolf, myself. _And will I do horrible things? But if Skjor says that I can control it…_"Okay, I'm ready."

"Very well. We will initiate the ceremony." I then watched as Skjor took a dagger and slit Aela's furry wrist. Bright, red blood began pouring out and he held her wrist over a large bowl of water in front of her. The blood poured out of the wound and mixed into the water, turning it red. He then let go of Aela's wrist, grabbed a goblet, and scooped up some of the blood-mixed water. He then handed me the goblet. "Drink this."

I now had no choice but to take the goblet from him. I brought it to my mouth, held my breath, and gulped it all down. I couldn't really taste the blood which was a fortunate thing, but I immediately felt dizzy. The next thing I knew, I passed out.

I opened my eyes. Everything was lined with red. A human being stood in front of me and began running at me. He attacked me with his sword. My arm suddenly burned with pain and I attacked him, feeling intense rage. I felt so _strong_. With all my strength, I grabbed and clawed at him, my very fingernails digging into and tearing through his armor and flesh. He fell to the ground, screaming. There was blood all over him and the sweet smell of it invaded my nostrils. And I suddenly became very hungry. _Blood…need blood._ I immediately bent down and my nose touched his corpse, still warm, and the wetness felt so strange on my nose, but it felt _good_. I stuck my tongue out and began lapping it up and, feeling even hungrier, I bit into the exposed flesh on his shoulder and began chewing at it and finally, _devouring_ it. Suddenly, I felt dizzy again and I felt myself falling onto him. And then all became black.

"Roxanne! Roxanne!" I heard a voice call out urgently. I came to. "Are you awake?" It was Aela. I looked up at her face, a human. I didn't feel hungry all of a sudden. And I felt as if I had just woken up from a dream. _What's going on here? What just happened?_ "I was starting to think you might never come back," Aela spoke. I stared at her confused, still trying to comprehend my current situation. I looked around me. We didn't seem to be anywhere near Whiterun anymore. And I was naked. My armor was strewn all around me. "Wh…where are we?" I asked.

"We're near a place called Gallows Rock," Aela answered. "Put your armor back on! There's a pack of werewolf hunters camped there. The Silver Hand. I think you've met them before. We're going to slaughter them. All of them."

_The Silver Hand…the same ones that tried to kill Farkas down in Dustman's Cairn._

"Okay…" I replied and reached down and outfitted myself back up and followed Aela. Suddenly, the memory of previous events hit me. The last thing I remember was being in the Underforge with Skjor and Aela in werewolf form and taking part in a blood ritual to join The Circle. That meant that…I was a werewolf now. And I had just experienced my first transformation, although I didn't remember any of it. I just felt like I had been knocked out for awhile or something. "Do I…do I have beastblood now?" I decided to ask.

"You've acquired it now, yes," Aela responded. "Yours was not an easy transformation. But you're still alive, so congratulations. Skjor has already scouted ahead, so we're following right behind him. He and I are about to celebrate your initiation!" We headed towards a fort where some Silver Hands started attacking us so we fought back and did away with them. As we entered the fort, Aela started telling me more about the Silver Hands. They were a group of hunters who hunted specifically after werewolves. I knew about them a little bit from what Farkas had told me but now I understood more. As we went deep inside the fort, the true horrors of the stories that I had heard had materialized. There was room after room of dead werewolf bodies and even severed werewolf heads. Some of the rooms even held elaborate holding and torture devices. What they were used for and why was something I wished to never find out firsthand. In one room, there was a bunch of prison cells. A couple had dead werewolf bodies in them but I noticed that there was one live werewolf locked up in a prison cell. I wanted to show Aela but she was busy inspecting a Silver Hand body at the other end of the room for a moment. I decided to try and free the werewolf, ignorantly thinking that it might thank me or something, so I picked at the lock and finally got the door to open. "There you go! Free now!" I declared. The werewolf seemed to be in a daze the entire time but as soon as it heard my voice, it came charging out of the cell and right at me! I fended it off with my sword as it growled and clawed wildly at me. Suddenly, an arrow flew in from behind me and hit it in its neck. The werewolf cried out in pain and wildly thrashed about, at which I took the opportunity to shove my sword right into its abdomen. Blood came pouring out of it. It gave another pained cry and fell over dead. I stood in shock as Aela ran over to me and asked worriedly, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied breathlessly, staring at the werewolf's body. The only thing that was running through my mind at the moment was, _That thing was _human_ once_.

"Don't do that again! I know you mean well but remember that werewolves do not have the same consciousness as their human selves!"

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I won't do that again. Thanks for covering me. But…now it makes me wonder…why didn't you attack me and Skjor down at the Underforge then?" I pointed out.

"I…I really don't remember," she admitted. "Skjor probably had me heavily sedated. Farkas was my forebear and I had wondered why he didn't attack me either, but I found out that that is why. That's the only way we can perform those ceremonies."

"Oh," I said. _Boy, what have I gotten myself into?_ "Um…I don't know if I should ask this but, is it possible that that werewolf was a former Companion once?"

Aela stopped and sighed. "We can't rule out the possibility. We had a few that went missing years ago. But…" she appeared deep in thought for a moment. She then shook her head and said, "It's too late now, anyway. What's done is done."

I looked at her thoughtfully. She seemed pretty emotionally distraught about something. I decided that now wasn't the time to pry into the matter, though. I followed her further into the hideout and we finally found the Silver Hand leader, hiding deep within in some kind of ritual room with a few other Silver Hands. They were all standing at an altar at the front of the room and when we arrived, they turned around and saw us.

"You came here at a bad time," he said to us. He was covered in blood. "Or shall I say, the perfect time?"

"You inhumane scoundrels!" Aela growled, pulling out her iron dagger. "You're going to die!"

The man laughed. "Yes. Come on, Aela, dear. Let's see that beast within you come to life again. I will enjoy skinning you alive and wearing your fur on my naked body."

"You sick son of a…" Aela threatened. "Aggghhhh!" She then charged at him with her dagger and they battled with each other. I charged at the other Silver Hands and slaughtered them to pieces. Once they were disposed of, I helped Aela dispose of the leader. I then bent down to check the leader's dead body for some gold to loot, when all of a sudden I heard Aela yell, "No…!"

I looked up and saw that something had caught her eye to the right of the altar and she ran over to it. "What is it?" I asked and ran over to her. She had her hand over her mouth but I followed her eyes to the ground, and to my utter surprise and horror, saw that Skjor was laying there, dead.

"The bastards…somehow they managed to kill Skjor," she said angrily.

I looked at her sadly. "No…" I didn't want to believe it, myself, either.

"He was one of the strongest we had, but numbers can overwhelm," Aela explained sadly. "He should not have come without a Shield-Brother." She then bent down and closed Skjor's eyes with her hand. She then looked up at me and said, "Come on. Let's get out of here. You and I have work to do. The Silver Hand will tremble at our sight."

We then left the hideout and headed on back to Jorrvaskr, feeling proud of ourselves for slaughtering the Gallows Rock Silver Hands but also somewhat melancholy over Skjor's death. We couldn't mourn for long, though, as Aela advised me to keep quiet about the whole Gallows Rock event, saying, "I'll take care of it myself. Kodlak doesn't really approve of any of us provoking the Silver Hand. I'll break the news about Skjor to him but you…you were off hunting sabrecats and don't know anything, understand?"

I nodded apprehensively. "What about my initiation?"

"Yes. You must not tell him that you were initiated into the Circle either," she urged. "Kodlak seems to have a particular disdain of beastblood these days. I don't want to get you in trouble."

_Thanks, I guess?_ "Okay…" I realized, though, that this meant that I would also have to keep my beastblood a secret from everyone else, too- especially Farkas and Vilkas, since they would probably tell Kodlak.

When we got back to the gates of Whiterun, she urged me to head on back to Jorrvaskr first and go with my made-up sabrecat-hunting story if anyone asked. She stayed behind in the outskirts of town and came in later. She broke the news to everyone about Skjor's death, and we all fasted that night in mourning. At some point, I believe Kodlak did have a private conversation with her, probably to lecture her about fighting the Silver Hands. I kept quiet about the whole thing, trying to hide the guilt that I felt.

Later on that night, I couldn't sleep (Aela said it was the beastblood), so I went out into the courtyard and practiced my archery. All of a sudden, I was distracted by movement out of the corner of my eye, so I looked up and saw Farkas emerging from the patio. "Farkas! You scared me! What are you doing up?"

"I should be asking you the same thing," he said good-naturedly and sat on the steps.

"I just couldn't sleep," I said. I then wondered if he would suspect anything about my beastblood.

"I can't either," he echoed. "But it's because of my cursed beastblood that I can't get a restful night's sleep."

"So you think it's a curse, too," I remarked.

"I have mixed feelings about it. Anyway, don't stop doing what you were doing. I just needed some fresh air."

"Okay…" I replied. _I don't think he suspects anything_, I observed, somewhat relieved. I went back to my arching, sending off a few arrows at the target board several feet in front of me. I then sent practice shots at each of the mannequins lining the courtyard before stopping to glance at Farkas. He was still sitting on the steps, and he was watching me.

_Was he watching me this entire time?_ I thought, suddenly feeling very self-conscious. _I still hope that he doesn't suspect anything. It's making me very nervous…_

I raised up my bow, now very aware that he was watching my every move. My arm faltered and my bow slipped out of my hands, falling to the ground with a loud CLANK.

I heard a burst of laughter come from him. Becoming angry, I bent over to pick my bow off the ground. "Farkas!" I yelled. "Do you mind?"

My outburst made him laugh even more, and then he stood up, his laughter finally dying down. "I'm sorry, Roxanne. I didn't mean to make you mad. You just…you were just…so deep in concentration it was…it was-"

"What?" I huffed, thinking he was going to say that I looked funny or something insulting like that. I inspected my bow closely to see if it had any chips or cracks.

"Well, awe-inspiring," he finished.

"_Awe-inspiring?_" I questioned, looking up at him.

"Yeah," he said. "You really seem to know what you're doing."

"Oh. Well…thank you," I said uncertainly. _He _was_ observing me very closely,_ I thought, a little unnerved.

"Anyway, I'm sorry if I made you nervous. It's just that Skjor used to sit and watch me and my brother when he trained us."

"Oh. I'm really sorry about Skjor, Farkas."

"It's okay…you know what he used to say to me, though?"

"What?"

"He used to say to me all the time that I 'have the strength of Ysgramor…and my brother has his smarts.' I have to say _that_ smarts!"

I laughed a little at his joke, but immediately grew serious and said, "I'm sorry. I can understand why that would hurt your feelings."

"It's not just Skjor either, though. Many people don't think I'm smart. _Those_ people get my fist."

"Well, there you go. And I don't think you're not smart. I don't care what Kodlak says; I think you did the right thing in using your beast form to save me down in the barrow."

"Thanks. I'm glad you think so."

"If anyone tells you that you're not smart, they'll get _my_ fist, too!"

Farkas laughed heartily. "You know what? I _like_ you!"

I laughed, as well. "Well, I like you, too! Sorry about my angry outburst."

"Don't worry about it. Hey, listen. I'm kind of embarrassed to ask this, but do you think you could look at my archery skills real quick? I was trained mainly in two-handed weapons, but I've always wanted to master archery, as well."

"Oh, sure, I could do that. But don't you think Aela is the better person to help you with that, to be honest?"

"I have to admit, she scares me. You're a lot nicer than her."

"Oh, thank you. Okay…I'd be glad to do that for you, then. Come here."

He walked over to me and said, "Okay, show me your stance when you're fighting a dragon."

"Well, it's like this," I said, and proceeded to demonstrate. "Now, let's see your stance."

I gave him my bow and then he demonstrated his stance, which was, admittedly a little sloppy. "Here, spread your feet wider. Don't lock that elbow." I reached up and corrected his left arm. He was wearing a short-sleeved tunic and when I reached up to grab his arm, I was surprised to feel how firm and massive his biceps were. He was very well-built. I looked up at his face, which was partially illuminated in the moonlight, and it was set in concentration. Being this close to him, I noticed things I hadn't noticed before- how strong and masculine his jaw and brow were, how muscular his arms were, and…other things, too. The way his profile looked in the high-contrast light, I thought to myself, _This guy is incredibly handsome. And here I am, standing so close to him with my hands on his body. _I felt my face grow warm.

"So am I doing it right?" he asked, breaking me out of my brief stupor.

"Yes, yes. Now you are," I quickly replied, hoping that he couldn't tell that I was blushing. Thankfully, all of the fur on my face probably covered the fact.

He let go of the arrow that he had strung. I ran over to the target where the arrow landed to inspect it more closely.

"How close was I?" he asked.

It was high above the bullseye. "Eh…not very close. You just put too much strength into it."

"Show me then how you do it, Shield-Sister," he said with a smile.

I smiled back and said, "Okay, this is the way to do it." I took my bow back from him, strung an arrow into it and shot it. It didn't hit the bullseye head-on but it was much, much closer than his arrow.

"Impressive!" he exclaimed.

"It didn't make the bullseye, though," I protested.

"That's much better than me," he pointed out.

I laughed. "Don't worry. With practice, you will get it eventually."

"Okay. I believe you."

"You might as well work on it until dawn if you can't sleep," I said in jest. "If you'll please excuse me, I'm going back to bed." I was now beginning to feel tired.

"Sure thing, Roxanne." I watched as he then picked up a bow and started working on his stance.

"I was just kidding, Farkas! You should try getting some rest, too."

"I can't. I told you already. I'll do as you say and practice 'till morning."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, brother. Okay, suit yourself. I'd love to watch, but I'm tired!"

"Rest well, Roxanne."

"And shoot well, Farkas. Goodnight." I went back inside and back to bed. But I really just ended up tossing and turning all the way until morning. I finally had enough at about 5:00AM so I decided to just get up, get dressed, and go upstairs. Tilma and Kodlak were up and about as usual at this hour. But before I could even sit down at the table to have breakfast, Kodlak said to me, "Miss Roxanne, I need to speak with you. Come with me, please."

"Yes, Harbinger," I obeyed and followed him downstairs into his room. He seemed serious and when he closed the door behind us, I knew that he meant business. I was a little concerned.

"Please, have a seat," he gestured to the table in the corner and we both sat down. "Roxanne, please tell me the truth. You were not out hunting sabrecats yesterday, were you?"

_Oh shit, he found out,_ I thought. "No," I admitted, looking down at my hands, deciding that I wasn't even going to try to lie anymore. I then spoke carefully. "I was not hunting sabrecats. I was…with Aela and Skjor yesterday."

He crossed his arms and said, "I know."

"I'm sorry, Harbinger, I…I was…well, Skjor…he-he initiated me into the Circle and Aela was my forebear. After the initiation, I passed out and the next thing I knew we were at Gallows Rock and we had to go in and save Skjor. But we were too late."

"Your hearts are full of grief, and my own weeps at the loss of Skjor. But his death was avenged long ago. You have taken more lives than honor demanded. The cycle of retaliation may continue for some time."

"I'm sorry," I said again, feeling like I had disappointed him. "And I'm sorry about…joining the Circle. I know I shouldn't have let him talk me into it."

"Skjor and I had our disagreements. It is true that Skjor truly believes that beastblood is a blessing rather than a curse and I could never talk reason into him about otherwise. But Roxanne, as in all matters of faith, the reality is more complicated than one believer would tell you. If you have a moment, I want to tell you the story about how we became werewolves."

"I'm listening," I said.

He then proceeded to tell the story. "The Companions are nearly five-thousand years old. This matter of beastblood has only troubled us for a few hundred. One of my predecessors was a good, but short-sighted man. He made a bargain with the witches of Glenmoril Coven. If the Companions would hunt in the name of their lord, Hircine, we would be granted great power."

"And they became werewolves?" I asked.

"Yes," Kodlak answered, almost in a whisper. "But they did not believe the change would be permanent. The witches offered payment, like anyone else. But we had been deceived."

"But aren't we more powerful now?" I questioned.

"The witches didn't lie, of course. But it's more than our bodies. The disease, you see, affects not just our bodies. It seeps into the spirit. Upon death, werewolves are claimed by Hircine for his Hunting Grounds. For some, this is a paradise. They want nothing more than to chase prey with their master for eternity. And that is their choice. But I am still a true Nord. And I wish for Sovngarde as my spirit home."

_Wow, I really didn't know this, I thought, trying to take it all in. I wish I would have found out sooner._ I said to him, "I'm sorry, Harbinger. I…I didn't realize that beastblood had all those consequences."

"I just wish someone like me, Vilkas, or Farkas could have had a chance to talk to you before you joined The Circle. They or I could have given you the whole story and you would have been in a better position to make a more informed decision about joining."

"I understand. I noticed that Farkas does not like his beastblood, either."

"Farkas has suffered a great deal in his past, as well. I know that in his heart, he wants to be a good and honorable Nord, but he has some…things in his past that he needs to reckon with."

"How so?"

"Well, Farkas, and also his twin brother, Vilkas, were orphans. My Shield-Brother, Jergen, rest his soul, found them many years ago being held captive by a group of necromancers and rescued them. He reared them as his own, and raised them up as Companions, teaching them swordfighting and smithing. They both learned very fast- Farkas, because of his physical strength, and Vilkas, because of his quick wits."

_This is a common theme, isn't it? Not acknowledging Farkas' intelligence around here, _I wondered. _I know I said I would punch the next person who called Farkas stupid but I sure wasn't going to lay my hand on the Harbinger._ "How did they become werewolves?" I asked.

"Jergen bestowed them with that power when they became adults," Kodlak explained. "He had beastblood, himself, you see. But he was a lot less resentful of it than I was, as you can probably guess. And of course, both brothers took on the power with a vengeance. At the time, they were the most powerful warriors among the Companions, what with Jergen and myself aging. They were feared all over Skyrim and were basically the reason they became hunted by the Silver Hands."

"So why did Farkas start resenting his power? And what about Vilkas? Does he resent it, too?"

"I honestly do not know how Vilkas feels about his power because he does not speak freely about it. He hasn't used his beast form for many years. He seems to be saving it, I suppose. He is a very calculating person, as I have told you, so I imagine he's very disciplined with that power."

"And Farkas?"

"Farkas used his power a little too liberally. But he was young, and he didn't care to work on controlling it as much as his brother did. But one day, that all changed. You see, just as many young men do, Farkas fell in love. A woman named Jorielle captured his heart. She was an entertainer at The Bannered Mare- very beautiful with a fiery personality. But she was also fickle and sometimes mean-spirited. She was known all over town to leap from partner to partner like a sparrow from branch to branch. I tried to warn Farkas but he would hear none of it. He asked her to marry him and she agreed. Then, the night before their wedding was to take place, Farkas went to her room at the inn, meaning to surprise her with an early wedding gift. And he found her in the arms of another man."

"Oh, dear!" I gasped.

"It shouldn't have surprised him in the least bit, but with him being so young, he _was_ surprised. He became so incensed that he transformed into his wretched beast form, knowing full well what he was doing. He tore both his prospective bride and the young lad apart with his bare hands. He then left the inn long before the guards got there and was able to get away by hiding in the hills nearby. He came back here to Jorrvaskr, and dear Roxanne, I have never seen anyone weep such tears of anguish and regret. I will never forget that day. He eventually came to forgive himself for the terrible deed and also get over Jorielle, for he finally realized how unfit she was to be a bride and also a lady. But to this day, fifteen years later, he has harbored resentment towards his beastblood and is very hesitant about using his powers. I have no doubt he was torn when he had used it to save you, Miss Roxanne."

"I am glad you told me this, Kodlak," I said. I felt as if my heart immediately went out to Farkas. _Poor thing. He _has_ suffered a great deal._ I then decided to ask, "Isn't there a way to cure one's self?"

"That's what I've spent my twilight years trying to find out," he admitted. "And now I've found the answer."

"Then tell me," I urged.

"The witches' magic ensared us, so only their magic can release us," he explained. "They won't give it willingly, but we can extract their foul powers by force."

"Do you want me to find the cure for your beastblood, Kodlak?" I asked him.

"I would be eternally grateful if you would undertake such a task," he said.

"I will do my best then," I said. "Tell me what I need to do."

"I want you to seek them out," he said. "Go to their coven in the wilderness. Strike them down as a true warrior of the wild. And bring me their heads. The seat of their abilities. From there, we may begin to undo centuries of impurity."

"Am I to do this alone?" I asked.

"Aye, you shall have no Shield-Sibling this time. But the spirit of Ysgramor goes with you, to restore the honor of his legacy.

"Okay, Harbinger."

"Is there anything else you require of me before you go?"

"Well…" After this whole conversation, I have to admit, I finally felt the real temptation to tell him about the secret _I_ had been hiding- that I was not really a Khajiit and that it was also witchcraft (not sure if of the Glenmoril kind or not) that robbed me of my true identity. But I felt it would've been inappropriate at the present moment. _I will tell him someday…I must do him this favor first. And then I will tell him. And perhaps I will tell everyone else at Jorrvaskr, too._ "No, Harbinger, that is all. I will go to the coven, immediately after breakfast."

"My humble thanks to you, Roxanne. Talos guide you."

I quickly sat back down at the table and ate a sweet roll before everybody else woke up. I then put on my armor and took my sword and departed from Jorrvaskr. The cave where Glenmoril Coven was was so far away that I got there just as the sun was setting. There was a creepy chill to the place. But I bravely walked into the cave, my weapon drawn. I walked through a long, icy tunnel before I emerged in a medium-sized cavern, and I was immediately attacked by a witch. She blasted me with frost magicka, but I made quick work of her. When she was dead, I cut off her head and took it with me out of the cave before any other witches could found out what was going on and possibly come after me. I high-tailed it all the way back to Whiterun, and I got there before the sun rose the next morning. I was exhausted. But when I came back, I saw that the city was up in arms. And the stirring seemed to be coming from Jorrvaskr. Forgetting my exhaustion completely, I hurried over there and found a couple of Silver Hand bodies on the ground in front of the building.

"What happened here?" I asked Torvar, who was inspecting the bodies.

"The Silver Hand. They finally had the nerve to attack Jorrvaskr," he said ruefully. "We got most of them, but I think a few stragglers made it out."

"These two aren't a problem anymore," Aela said, walking up to us. "Roxanne, you're back!" she then exclaimed upon seeing me. "You'd better hurry inside. Vilkas has been looking all over for you."

"Vilkas?" I questioned, and then left her and ran inside.

"Roxanne! There you are!" I heard Vilkas' voice. In front of me, there was a huge mess. Chairs were overturned, food and other liquids were spilled all over the floor, and I even saw a couple of bodies on the floor. "Where have you been?" Vilkas appeared in front of me, standing firm.

"I-I was out doing an errand for Kodlak and I- what happened here?" I asked.

"The Silver Hand," he said angrily. "They finally found enough courage to attack Jorrvaskr! We fought them off, but…the old man…Kodlak…he's dead."

"Oh, no! Kodlak is dead?"

"Yes. Roxanne, I don't know what you were out there doing, but you should've been here helping us defend the place."

"I'm sorry, Vilkas. Like I said, Kodlak sent me off to do something very important for him. W-was anyone else hurt?"

"No," Vilkas answered. "But they made off with all our fragments of Wuuthrad."

"Oh no…" I uttered.

"Roxanne, you and I are going to reclaim them," he declared.

"How are we going to do that?" I asked.

"We will bring the battle to their chief camp, Driftshade Refuge. It is a small fort southeast of Dawnstar, which is north of here. I am going there, and you are coming with me." I then watched as Vilkas raised his fist in the air, and his eyes began filling with the Nord fire. "There will be none left living to tell their stories. Only songs of Jorrvaskr will be sung! We will avenge Kodlak! And they will know terror before the end."

"Aren't the others coming, too?"

"No. My brother and Njada will tend to Kodlak's body and take it up to Eorlund to prepare his funeral. And the others will start cleaning up the place. But you are going to accompany me and we will strike at the heart of the Silver Hand!"

"Okay, then. Lead the way, Vilkas."

We went back out of Jorrvaskr and headed north to Driftshade Refuge.


	4. Chapter 4

We went back out of Jorrvaskr and headed north to Driftshade Refuge. There, Vilkas and I cleared out the place of all Silver Hands and found all of the stolen fragments of the Wuuthrad and brought it back. I had never seen such fire, such will as I had that day in Vilkas. But unlike his brother, he spoke very little to me the whole time.

When we returned to Jorrvaskr, Vilkas said to me, "The others have probably prepared Kodlak's funeral by now. Let us go to the Skyforge to pay our respects."

I followed him up to the Skyforge and saw that the funeral was already prepared. Red Companions flags were stood up all around the forge and I saw that all of the other Companions, Eorlund, and even some other people in Whiterun were gathered around him, looking solemn and somber. In the center of the forge lay Kodlak's body on a pyre, with red flags lain all around it. I walked solemnly behind Vilkas as he took his place by his brother, Farkas' side, and I took my place next to Aela. She looked at me and acknowledged my presence, although did not smile. I noticed that she was the only one in our group holding a torch. All was silent among us. Eorlund, who was standing next to the pyre, spoke up, "Who will start?"

Aela boldly proclaimed, "I'll do it." She then stepped forward towards the pyre. I saw that her face was as solid stone. "Before the ancient flame…we grieve."

"We grieve," everyone echoed.

"At this loss…" Eorlund spoke.

"We weep," Aela answered.

"We weep," everyone echoed, including me this time, who had caught on to the ritual.

Vilkas then took a step forward and spoke, "For the fallen…"

"We shout," Aela answered.

"We shout," we all echoed.

Farkas took a step forward and spoke, "And for ourselves…"

"We take our leave," Aela answered.

"We take our leave," we all echoed.

There was then a brief pause when Aela looked at everyone, as if to make sure there was no more to be said, and then she walked towards the pyre. I watched as she tossed the torch she was holding onto the pyre, and the whole thing erupted in flames. I watched as Kodlak's body started burning up and I said silently, "Goodbye Kodlak. I wish I could have shared many more words with you but I hope you find rest at last." _No…no, he won't find rest,_ I realized. In all the chaos that had ensued I had totally forgotten about my errand that I was to do for him. I still had the Glenmoril witch head in my possession. _But what was I supposed to do with it? Can I still cure Kodlak even now?_

Aela turned to address the audience. "His spirit is departed. Members of the Circle, let us withdraw to the Underforge, to grieve our last together."

I watched as the crowd began to disperse, but each Companion stayed behind momentarily to wait until everyone was gone.

Eorlund approached me. "Do you have the fragments of Wuuthrad, still?" he asked. "I'll need to prepare them for mounting again."

"I return them with honor," I said, handing him the fragments with both hands.

"Don't get too flowery on me," he said. "How are you doing, Miss Roxanne?"

"Oh, I'm doing okay. I just…I wish I could have spent more time with Kodlak. He was a great leader."

"Indeed he was."

"Who will be the leader now?"

"I do not know, Miss Roxanne. I imagine that you will work that out amongst yourselves. Miss Roxanne, I have a small favor to ask of you."

"What is it, Eorlund?"

"There's another piece of Wuuthrad, that Kodlak always kept close to himself. Would you go to his chambers and bring it back for me? I'm not sure I'm the best one to go through his things."

"It would be my pleasure."

"Thank you. I'll be here."

Before I left the Skyforge, I went up to Aela and gave her a hug. She smiled at me and said, "Thanks for what you and Vilkas did."

Vilkas was behind her and he took my hand in both of his. "Thank you for helping me do what needed to be done."

"It was an honor taking on the Silver Hand with you both," I said.

"Let us go to the Underforge now," Aela said.

"I will be there shortly," I told her. "Eorlund wants me to bring him another Wuuthrad fragment from Kodlak's chambers."

"Ah, yes, I had forgotten about that," Aela said. "Well, we'll be waiting for you."

"See you down there, Roxanne," Vilkas said, and I left them.

As I went down the stone steps, I caught up with Farkas, wanting to exchange some words with him, as well. But he just looked at me, frowned, and said, "Leave me," and kept on walking. I just stood there, stunned. _What? What was that all about? Is he upset with me or just overcome with grief?_ I watched him walk away without ever turning around. Having no choice but to ignore him for now, I continued down to Jorrvaskr and went inside.

All was quiet in here, as everyone else was outside. I went down into the living quarters and saw that all was quiet down here, as well. I wasn't sure where Tilma was but I didn't want to bother with her at the moment. I didn't exactly want to be asked why I was snooping around Kodlak's things. I went into Kodlak's bedroom and searched under the bed and in every container. I finally found the tip of what looked like an old battleaxe sitting inside the top drawer of his nightstand on top of a worn-looking book. I took it and then picked up the book, curiously examining it and feeling the leatherbound cover in my hands. There was no title on the cover, so I opened it up. Upon seeing the shaky, uncertain handwriting writing about dreams of Sovngarde and nightmares of Hircine, it immediately dawned on me that I was reading Kodlak's journal. I immediately closed the book, hesitated for a second, and quietly placed the book back into the drawer out of respect. _I don't think it is in my place to read his journal_, I thought. _At least in private, like that. I shall leave it alone. _Eorlund was waiting for me to return anyway and the others were waiting for me to join them in the Underforge. I walked out of the bedroom and hurried back outside, all the way back up to Eorlund.

"You're back," he said upon seeing me arrive.

"I have Kodlak's fragment," I said, handing it to him.

"Thank you, Miss Roxanne. Your Shield-Siblings have withdrawn to the Underforge. I think they're waiting for you."

"Okay, thanks, Eorlund." I departed from him and went down the steps and entered the Underforge. In the main chamber- the same place where I was initiated and took on the beastblood, all members of The Circle were gathered and talking among themselves.

"You finally made it," Aela greeted me, with her arms crossed.

"My apologies," I said. "Did a small errand for Eorlund. I…I just want to say that I am very sorry about Kodlak. I just wish that I knew him as long as the rest of you had before he passed. In the short time that I knew him, I have come to realize that he meant a great deal to the honor of the Companions."

"Indeed he did," Vilkas agreed. "That is why my heart grieves, for his soul is in Hircine now instead of Sovngarde."

"Do not grieve over something you can't control," Aela said to him.

"It's not that," Vilkas said firmly. "It's just that the old man had one wish before he died. And he didn't get it. It's as simple as that."

"Being moon-born is not so much of a curse as you might think, Vilkas," Aela responded, her lips pursed.

"That's fine for you," he responded. "But he wanted to be clean. He wanted to meet Ysgramor and know the glories of Sovngarde. But all that was taken from him."

"And you avenged him," Aela said.

"Kodlak did not care for vengeance," Farkas spoke up.

"No, Farkas, he didn't," Vilkas replied. "And that's not what this is about. We should be honoring Kodlak, no matter our own thoughts on the blood."

"You're right," Aela admitted. "It's what he wanted, and he deserved to have it."

"Kodlak used to speak of a way to cleanse his soul, even in death," Vilkas said. "You know the legends of the Tomb of Ysgramor."

"'There the souls of the Harbingers will heed the call of northern steel,'" Aela recited from memory. "We can't even enter the tomb without Wuuthrad, and it's in pieces, like it has been for a thousand years."

"And dragons were just stories," we heard another voice say. "And the elves once ruled Skyrim." It was Eorlund. We all turned to him.

"Eorlund!" I exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"Here to shed some light into a seemingly hopeless situation!" he declared. "Listen you all…just because something is, doesn't mean it must be. The blade is a weapon. A tool. Tools are meant to be broken. And repaired!" He then held a battleaxe in front of him. It was Wuuthrad! And it looked as good as new again!

I saw Vilkas' eyes open wide. "Is that…? Did you repair the blade?"

"This is the first time I've had all the pieces, thanks to our Shield-Sister here. 'The flames of a hero can reforge the shattered!'" We watched as Eorlund held Wuuthrad in a battle stance and approached us. "The flames of Kodlak shall fuel the rebirth of Wuuthrad. And now it will take you to meet him once more."

"This is…beyond words, Eorlund," I said incredulously.

"You have truly outdone yourself, master smith," Vilkas added.

"Come, come," Eorlund shrugged off. "A smith is only as good as his materials. Now…" he then approached me with the battleaxe in hand. "As the one who bore the fragments, I think you should be the one to carry Wuuthrad into battle."

"Me?" I questioned. "Oh I…I certainly am not more worthy than any one of us here to wield this great weapon of Ysgramor."

"Nonsense, Roxanne," Aela spoke up. "You have proven yourself more than worthy to be among the Circle. I think such an honor befits you."

"I have no qualms with letting Roxanne carry Wuuthrad," Vilkas added. "Do you, my brother?"

Farkas hesitated with his arms crossed before saying tersely, "No, I do not."

_What in the world has gotten into him lately?_ I wondered.

"Then I give you Wuuthrad," Eorlund declared, handing the weapon to me.

I carefully took the battleaxe from him, delicately sheathing it. It was heavy.

"Prepare to journey tomorrow to the Tomb of Ysgramor. For Kodlak."

"For Kodlak!" we all cried.

At that, Eorlund left. Then, the rest of us followed suit and we went back to Jorrvaskr to get ready for bed. _What a crazy, chaotic two days it has been!_ It was amazing to think that I had been awake for almost forty-eight straight hours, but I only felt tired enough to fall into my bed and relish at the comfort for a moment before realizing that my beastblood was probably going to keep me awake much longer.

After about an hour or so of not being able to fall asleep, I finally got out of bed and went upstairs. _If I can find the cure for Kodlak, perhaps it wouldn't be such a bad idea to cure myself of beastblood someday, too._ It was very quiet and dark, and also hot. I stepped out onto the patio to cool off.

"Your beastblood got you restless, again?" I heard a stern voice say in the darkness. Surprised, I looked around and saw Farkas sitting on the steps, just as he had two nights before. I cautiously walked up to him. His back was facing me and he didn't turn around when he continued, "And I know now that that's what kept you up last time, too."

_He doesn't sound very happy with me at all,_ I thought. _I'm going to have to get to the bottom of this._ "Farkas, I'm sorry. I know I should've told you sooner. I…I couldn't tell you that I had just been initiated into The Circle. When I was sworn in, Aela told me to keep it a secret from Kodlak. I thought if I told you then you would tell Kodlak."

He stood up slowly and faced me. I could barely see his face in the darkness as the clouds completely covered the moon, tonight, but I had no doubt that he wasn't smiling like he usually did. "Was it Skjor who told you to join? He told you to join, didn't he? He probably made it sound like it was the greatest thing."

"Yes…it was Skjor. But Farkas, I was going to tell you and Vilkas eventually. Really."

"That's not the point!" he yelled abruptly. "You shouldn't have joined. It's bad enough that Skjor didn't even consult me or Vilkas about it before letting you join, but you shouldn't have agreed so quickly. I thought you would know better than that, but I guess I was wrong."

I was taken aback by his intense reply._ Why is he so angry about this? And why should he get to decide whether I should join, anyway? Skjor was his elder, after all. _"I know I should have given it more time," I said firmly. "I was naïve, okay? But it's too late for that now. And not only that, Kodlak _did_ find out. He wasn't very happy, either. He told me what should've been told to me long before."

"And what's that?"

"I know about the power, Farkas. I know how terrible it is."

"In the wrong hands, it is."

"I know. And I promise not to abuse it."

Immediately, he became animated. "How can you be so sure? You've only had it for a few days! I knew I never should have used it when you were with me." He then walked past me and made for the door.

I just stood there, shocked for a split second, before finally turning around and blurting out, "Kodlak told me what you did, Farkas. Many years ago…"

Farkas stopped in his tracks and turned around to face me again. This time I could see his face clearly. There seemed to be a mix of anger, disappointment, and sadness in his light blue eyes, which almost seemed to glow in the darkness of the patio. "So he did, huh?"

"Yes. I now understand why you resent your beastblood so much."

His eyes narrowed thoughtfully. "Well…so he told you what I did. So what must you think of me now, then? Go ahead, tell me. Tell me that I'm a monster. Because that is what I really am."

"No you are not. You are not a monster. You were just naïve, like I was."

"And now because you took on these powers so quickly, you're going to make the same mistakes I did."

"I don't know about that, Farkas. I don't know what's going to happen. But I do know one thing. Kodlak asked me to fulfill his last wish. He asked me personally to find the cure for his beastblood. He had sent me on a mission to find it that day when Jorrvaskr was attacked."

"He did?"

"Yes. And I am going to do everything that I can to fulfill Kodlak's wish. That is why I am taking Wuuthrad to Ysgramor's Tomb tomorrow."

"And what are you going to do once we're there? How will you cure Kodlak?"

"I don't know. That's what I'm hoping to find out. I believe that we will all figure it out. We _must_ figure it out!"

"So…you're going to cure Kodlak of his beastblood and finally give his soul rest. And you think this heroic task is going to justify all of the terrible things you will find yourself doing in the near future?"

"No. How can I justify something that I have not yet done, when I don't even know what I'm going to do?" He was starting to make my blood really boil now.

"Trust me, you will need it. And just know this: If you ever use your beast form on me and I live, I am not helping you find the cure."

_Such rudeness!_ I was beginning to seethe now. "Fine!" I said, my voice raised. "I wasn't planning to use my beast form on anybody ever again anyway, but if you believe that I am destined for failure, then I shall not argue with you!"

"Fine!" he replied just as hotly.

With that, I walked brusquely past him and back into Jorrvaskr, slamming the door behind me. I went down into my room and sat on my bed with my arms crossed, just as I did when I was a little girl whenever I was extremely frustrated about an injustice that one of my siblings committed upon me. _I am _not_ you, Farkas! How dare you accuse me of doing things that I haven't even done or thought of doing yet! I don't care what you've done in your past but that doesn't give you the right to verbally assault me like that!_ After awhile, when I calmed down a bit, I began thinking, _I know you're not really angry at _me_, Farkas. You've been hurt. You really need to truly forgive yourself of your past and put it behind you. And I need to put Kodlak's soul to rest. If I do that, then maybe there will be hope for Farkas and I and everybody else who wants to be rid of this foul curse upon us. I need to get my mind set on my most important assignment of all, tomorrow…_

I finally was able to get a little sleep, after all. First thing in the morning, I got up, outfitted myself with my best armor and weapons, and went upstairs. I ate a light breakfast of bread and cheese and soon, Aela and Vilkas came up to join me, out of their beds earlier than usual. "My brother will be here shortly," Vilkas informed me. I really had begun to think that he wouldn't join us after all after our exchange last night, which would've been fine with me. I was still feeling hurt by his words. Finally, several minutes later, Farkas emerged from downstairs. "Sorry I'm late. I'm ready to go."

The four of us went outside and began making our way out of Whiterun and north to Ysgramor's Tomb. It was a long trek and took almost the whole day. When the sun was starting to pass directly overhead, the four of us sat down together off of the main path on some rocks for a meal break. There was a fast-flowing stream just behind us that was churning water so loudly that we didn't really say much to one another, except for Aela saying that she was going to try to catch some salmon. The rest of us began foraging around the immediate area for firewood. As I was picking up some small sticks a little ways away from the stream, I heard someone say, "Roxanne."

My fur bristled as I turned my head towards the voice to see Farkas standing there right behind me. I stopped what I was doing.

"I just want to say I'm sorry. About what I said to you last night," he said, his voice tinged with remorse. "I didn't really mean what I said about not helping you find a cure."

I paused for a moment before standing straight up and facing him. "It's okay," I said to him calmly. "I understood where you were coming from."

He looked down at the ground. "I guess…in my past, I had a big problem with believing in myself. And I still do." He then looked up at me again. "But you really seem like someone with integrity. I feel terrible for distrusting you so quickly and I'm sorry. I will never do that again."

Finding myself touched by his candor, I said, "I forgive you. I also hope that you can forgive yourself, though."

"I have. I guess I was angry because I was…afraid."

"Afraid?"

"Yeah…when I first got to know you, Roxanne, I…I really thought you were a good person. I still do. I really like you." He paused, suddenly appearing nervous. He cleared his throat and went on. "So when I first found out that you joined The Circle, I became worried. I didn't want…someone like you to get involved with that stuff. And I became afraid that before long, you might go through all of the hurt and suffering that I've been through. And I couldn't let that happen to you. I can't let that happen to anybody."

"Well, I'm touched that you thought that. But Farkas, what do you mean by…'someone like me?'" I asked.

"I don't know," he answered. "All I know is, when I met you, I noticed that there was something different about you."

"What do you mean?"

"It's in your eyes. The way you carry yourself. You seem to radiate…all that is good in this world. That's hard to find nowadays. And it's more than just belonging to a certain group."

"I've never heard anyone talk about me like that before. I'm far from perfect, you know. All I know is that I feel like I had disappointed you somehow. I felt really bad about it."

"No, you just didn't know. How could you? You were destined to join The Circle. You are one of our greatest warriors, Roxanne."

"Thank you. That means a lot coming from you."

He gave me a smile and we went right back to work gathering more firewood. We all then returned to our resting area, where we built a very small fire and cooked the salmon that Aela caught over it. We all said very little to one another the whole time because of how loud the rushing water behind us was, and also I'm sure each and every one of us were lost in our own thoughts about Kodlak and how we were going to go about curing his beastblood. Finally, when we had finished eating, we banked the fire, threw the salmon bones back into the stream, and continued northward into the snowy mountains.

As we trekked up the cold northern mountains, where snow was starting to fall, there was something that I was dying to ask Farkas. I waited until there was a moment where Aela and Vilkas had gotten a little ahead of us, and then I cleared my throat and said, "Farkas?"

"Yes?" It was snowing very hard now, and we had to almost yell at each other to hear over the cold wind.

"Did you get this upset when Aela joined The Circle?" I asked.

"Um, well, no…I didn't," he admitted.

"Hmph, how dare you give me such a hard time then!" I said in mock exasperation.

"I know, I'm sorry," he apologized. "But Aela's…different."

"Different? Different how?"

"I don't know," he answered. Then, he said something else but a loud gust blew his voice into the wind. I could've sworn he said something like, "…someone I care about…"

"What was that?" I asked when the gust quieted down.

"Nothing," he quickly said.

"No. You said something else."

"Huh? No, I couldn't talk because the wind was too loud. But…I have to say you've been a good friend to me. That means something."

"Well, you've been a good friend to me, too. You are the friendliest face I know at Jorrvaskr."

"I appreciate that."

Finally, we all arrived at Ysgramor's Tomb. We all went in. In the first chamber, there was a large statue of Ysgramor standing in the middle of it. Vilkas stopped and said, "This is the resting place of Ysgramor. And his most trusted generals. We should be cautious."

"Why do we need to be cautious?" I questioned.

"The original Companions," he responded. "Their finest warriors rest with Ysgramor. You'll have to prove yourselves to them. It's not that you're intruding. I'd wager they've actually expected us."

_So potentially, we might have to battle with hundreds of strong warrior spirits?_ I thought. _Oh, great…_

"They just want to be sure that you're worthy," he went on. "Be ready for an honorable battle."

"Wait…aren't you coming, too?" I questioned.

"No, I shall stay here," he replied. "There is…too much grief in my heart to go on and find out what lies ahead. I leave you, Aela, and Farkas to go on ahead without me."

"Will you be waiting here when we get back?" Farkas asked him.

"Yes, brother, I will be," Vilkas answered. "Now Roxanne, put Wuuthrad onto the statue and the way ahead will be opened."

I took out the heavy Wuuthrad and put it onto the statue where Ysgramor's hands were. Suddenly, a stone door to our right opened.

"Good luck," Vilkas said to us and saw us off.

Aela, Farkas, and I moved on through the many corridors, and sure enough, we encountered many spirits roaming about the tombs. They were the ghosts of past Companions and they tested us by fighting us with which we honored with the tips of our swords and arrows. Eventually, we came to a huge open chamber with a pond in the middle. A couple of spirits were standing at the far end of it and Farkas and I forged ahead to attack them while Aela stayed behind to shoot them with her arrows. We did away with the spirits and we noticed that to our left, there was a narrow archway which was covered with very thick spider webs. I began hacking at them with my sword when Farkas suddenly shouted, "Wait!"

I stopped slashing and turned to him. He looked very nervous. "I-I can't go any further, Shield-Sister," he stammered.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"Um…" he started, clearing his throat. He came closer to me and leaned in to say quietly, "Please don't laugh, but…ever since Dustman's Cairn…the big…crawly ones have been too much for me," he admitted.

"Oh…" I said, my voice trailing off for second because at first I thought he was joking. But the serious look on his face indicated that he most definitely wasn't. Trying to keep a straight face and contain my laughter, I almost responded with, "Big, tough guy Farkas is afraid of _spiders_?"But he looked so genuinely uneasy and afraid that I kept my mouth shut, for fear of seriously humiliating him.

"Everyone has his weakness, and this one is mine," he went on in a defensive manner. "I'm not proud, but I'll just go back and stay with Vilkas. Give my regards to Ysgramor."

"Okay…be careful on your way back!" I watched him quickly saunter off across the huge chamber. He exchanged a few words with Aela- I wasn't sure if he told her what he told me as I could only see her facial expressions. I watched as her eyebrows became raised with concern and then he left her.

I looked at Aela as she came up to me. "Man, those must've been some spiders you guys encountered if he's _that_ afraid," Aela quipped. I could tell that she was almost on the verge of laughter, as well.

"Just…be on your guard. Whatever you do, don't let them bite you," I said. I had to admit, those spiders _were_ frightening. But I learned to keep my distance when fighting them and they were relatively easy to kill. _Poor Farkas, he just can't get a break, can he?_

We hacked our way through the thick spider webs and finally entered the nest of the large spiders. Aela and I made quick work of them with her shooting arrows from a distance and me taking the risk of getting close enough so that I could stab their eyes with my sword.

We made our way through some more rooms and just as we entered another large burial chamber with a flame in the middle, Aela and I noticed something strange about it. "Do you see that?" she asked me.

I think I saw what she saw, too. The flame was glowing bright blue, and there was a spirit standing in front of the flame and as we got closer, we saw that it did not try to attack us. The blob suddenly looked up and saw us.

"Greetings, Shield-Sisters," its voice boomed. It seemed to be coming from all directions. But it sounded very familiar.

"Kodlak…is that you?" I questioned.

"Of course," the spirit replied. "My fellow Harbingers and I have been warming ourselves here. Trying to evade Hircine."

"But there's nobody else here," Aela said and she and I looked all around us. I didn't see anybody else, either.

"You see only me because your heart knows only me as the Companions leader," Kodlak replied. "I'd wager old Vignar could see half a dozen of my predecessors. And I see them all. The ones in Sovngarde. The ones trapped with me in Hircine's realm. And they all see you. You've brought honor to the name of the Companions. We won't soon forget it."

I decided to tell him about the lycanthropy cure. "Kodlak, we have come here to cure you. Vilkas said you can still be cured."

"Did he now?" Kodlak said. "I can only hope. You still have the witch head?"

"Yes," I said, searching around in my satchel. "Yes, I do." It was all dry and shriveled up now.

"Excellent," he replied. "Throw it into the fire. It will release its magic, for me at least."

Obediently, I took the Glenmoril witch's head out and placed it into the fire. As it burned up, the flame glowed very brightly and Aela and I watched in horror as Kodlak's spirit writhed and twisted and suddenly, a bright red blob came out of him. When it materialized, we saw that it was a wolf spirit! It began to attack us.

"Vanquish it!" Kodlak cried.

Aela and I attacked it and killed it, finally. It fell over, dead, and then vanished into thin air.

"At last, you have slain the beast inside of me!" Kodlak said after the ordeal was over. "I thank you, Roxanne and Aela, for this gift. The other Harbingers remain trapped by Hircine, though. Perhaps from Sovngarde, the heroes of old can join me in their rescue. The Harrowing of the Hunting Grounds. It would be a battle of such triumph. And perhaps someday, you two will both join us in that battle. But for today, return to Jorrvaskr. Triumph in your victory. And Roxanne…lead the Companions to further glory."

And with that, Kodlak vanished.

Aela and I exchanged surprised glances. "Did I hear right?" she questioned. "Did he say you were to lead the Companions?"

"He did indeed," I said incredulously. "I…I'm floored."

"You've earned the right," she said proudly. "Your strength and honor are apparent to all. And it's my honor to be first to address you as Harbinger."

"Why thank you, Aela," I responded. "I promise to lead and serve you all as valiantly as Kodlak did."

"Let's go tell the others!" she exclaimed, and we left the burial chamber. On the way out of the tomb, we found the twin brothers near the entrance, still by the statue.

"So what happened?" Vilkas asked us.

Aela and I told them everything. We told them how we encountered Kodlak's spirit and what he said to us. I told them that we finally cured him of his beastblood and that he named me the new Harbinger. At this, Vilkas said, "So. Harbinger! If you had told me a few months ago that some outsider I had never heard of would lead the Companions, I might have slit your throat. But I've seen what you can do. And heard of the love that Kodlak had for you. The trust. Let's hope you can show that his heart was not deceived. Good luck, my friend."

"So you're the new Kodlak," Farkas said. "I don't know what that means, but I hope that it goes well and that I can serve you well."

"I will serve you with all of my loyalty, as well," I said. I then left them as they all wanted to stay for a bit, and made my way back to Jorrvaskr.

The next day was going to be my first full day as Harbinger of the Companions. I spent the morning studying Kodlak's old books. I thought back to our last conversation together in his room and I felt good that I was finally able to fulfill his last request. However, there was still one thing bothering me. I had meant to tell him about my secret, but I never got the chance. And now he was gone. I _had_ to tell the rest of the Companions before too long. I decided that I would make an announcement at lunchtime.

When lunchtime came around, everyone gathered together at the table and ate some good food. When everyone was mostly done, I decided to come out with my announcement before people started heading off to do other things. I stood up out of my chair, cleared my throat, and said, "May I please have your attention?"

The conversation around the table began dying down.

"Shh! The Harbinger speaks!" Aela rasped.

"There is something that I have to tell you," I started, feeling my knees start to shake a little. "There is something you all must know about me, your leader."

Things _really_ got silent now. I took a deep breath and finally came out with it. "I am not really a Khajiit."

There were gasps here and there, and a din started up. I didn't really know where to go from here.

Vilkas' voice broke through the din. "So what are you, then?"

It grew quiet again. "I am a Nord," I proclaimed, answering his question. "I am Roxanne Phillippus and I hail from the land of Ceredia."

"But we don't understand…" Torvar started.

"I come from the Ihanik clan, a family that was steeped in centuries of battle and fighting tradition. In that sense it isn't that much different than what I am a part of now, the Companions. But we Ihaniks were a bloodthirsty bunch. We did not know true honor and mercy. We were especially thirsty for the blood of the Spagos, another clan in this same land. Ever since I was a babe, I was ordered to hate the Spagos, and to tell you the truth, to this day I am not sure if such a hatred was justified. But my siblings and I were only taught to kill every Spago we saw. It wasn't easy, though, as they were a family that was very learned in magicka. So one day, one of my brothers, Wendel, devised a plan to overtake them. He was able to steal one of their spellbooks and by performing the ritual prescribed in it, he turned me into a Khajiit. This was in order for me to sneak into their palace and steal all the rest of their spellbooks. But after my parents found out what we had done, they threw us out. Wendel and I were exiled, and we decided to make our way northward. Unfortunately, he met his end prematurely in the wilderness between here and Cyrodiil. But with little time to grieve, I went on and I ended up here."

"No wonder," Njada said. "I didn't think you _sounded_ like you came from Elsweyr."

"Oh no, I am sorry," Aela said.

"That is what I wanted to tell you," I finally said, and got up from the table and went out into the patio. When I was out there, I walked over to the overlook and looked upon the entire land of Skyrim. It was a beautiful land. I wonder if what I told them will change anyone's opinions about me. I stood there for a long time, leaning over the short stone wall, feeling both relieved and melancholy at the same time- relieved because my secret was finally out, but also melancholy because it was then that it started to sink in that I really had no hope of ever regaining my true, physical self again.

Just then, I heard Farkas' voice. "Hey." I turned around, surprised to see him standing there. "Oh, Farkas…hi," I replied.

"You don't mind if I join you out here, do you?" he asked me.

"No. Go ahead."

The sun was starting to set, and it set the whole land below aglow.

Farkas stood next to me and admired the land below, as well. He then spoke, "I just thought I'd say to you…that I don't think any differently of you than I have before."

"I'd understand if you did, but…thank you…for that sentiment."

"Would you like to go have some drinks at the Bannered Mare? Right now?"

I realized that I had completely forgotten about our raincheck. I wasn't really in the mood but I decided that I should at least let Farkas take me there. I could tell that he wanted to make a nice gesture towards me, which I admit, was appreciated. "Sure."

We walked over to the Bannered Mare and went inside. It was hot in here, and the air was filled with smoke and the smell of hot food and sweat. It was also kind of noisy. In the middle of the big room, Mikael, the bard, was playing his lute and singing, and Nord men and women were laughing and shouting from the tables. Farkas and I walked over to the bar and sat down. "Hello, Roxanne," Hulda, the bartender greeted. "Hey there, handsome," she said to Farkas. "What'll it be?"

"Two bottles of mead, please," he said.

As she reached under the counter to get the mead, she said, "Where've you been, Roxanne? I don't see you here anymore."

"I'm staying at Jorrvaskr now," I answered.

"Part of the Companions now, huh?" she asked, presenting the bottles to us and then putting two tankards onto the counter.

"Yep, she's been a great addition to the family," Farkas declared. "And now she's Harbinger."

_He said _family_. What a comforting word, especially coming from my favorite Companion._

"Harbinger, wow!" Hulda marveled, opening the bottles and pouring the mead into the tankards. "Following in Kodlak's footsteps, I see. Good luck, my dear."

"Thanks," I said.

"Shall we toast?" Farkas asked.

"We shall!" Hulda replied. She then bent down to get another bottle to pour herself some mead.

Farkas then raised his tankard, and Hulda and I followed suit. "To Roxanne, the new Harbinger of the Companions!" he exclaimed. We all then clinked our tankards together and chugged. The cold, sweet mead ran down my throat, refreshing me. Immediately, I felt better. Hulda tended to other customers and out of the corner of my eye, I saw a gaudily-dressed brunette Nord woman walk up to Farkas and ask loudly, "Hey there, Companion. Buy me a drink? I've also got a room if you want to talk." Her lips were a bright, cherry-red color.

"No thanks, can't you see I'm busy?" he replied, gesturing towards me.

Without even turning to look at me, the woman just smirked and turned around and walked away.

"Sorry about that," he apologized, appearing embarrassed.

"You are quite the ladies' man around here, aren't you?" I remarked.

I saw the light skin on Farkas' face flush a bright pink. "The Companions get a lot of attention everywhere we go. Some wanted, some not."

"And was that wanted or unwanted?" I teased.

He chuckled. "Unwanted. It gets old after awhile. No doubt you're going to have men falling at your feet when they find out who you're associated with."

I laughed. "Yeah, right. Over this?" I pointed to myself, referring to my furry, feline body.

"You never know," he said in a more serious tone.

"Hmph," I said bemusingly and turned back to my drink, finishing it.

As we ordered another bottle from Hulda and drank that, Farkas asked me questions about my family and my past, and I divulged. After finishing our second bottle, we decided to head on back to Jorrvaskr. As we walked back, I couldn't help but feel a little perturbed. I tried to figure out what exactly was bothering me, but all I knew was that the feeling started with Farkas' reply to the question about my body. _What did he mean by, "You never know?" I know I'm strange-looking- not human, so does that mean he was agreeing with me on that fact or what?_ When we arrived at Jorrvaskr and went our separate ways, I went downstairs to tidy up Kodlak's room- now my room, and found myself wondering, _Does Farkas find me attractive at all? Why am I even wondering such a thing, anyway? _I mused over this for the entire time I was in my room and then started to wonder if I was developing an attraction towards Farkas, myself. _No, that's silly. We're just friends. In fact, we're more like brother and sister now._ But still, there was no shaking the fact that my feelings for him were starting to change as we had gotten closer, and I could sense it. And with that came a deeper sense of urgency to keep it from developing further.


	5. Chapter 5

As I stacked some of Kodlak's old books on a chair in the corner, I heard a strange noise. Freezing my movement, I listened hard. I heard what sounded like…sniffling and sobbing. I put the books down and went out into the hallway. The sniffling was a little louder now. I looked to my right and noticed that the sound was coming from Aela's room. Her door was closed, so I quietly stepped closer. There was definitely someone crying in that room, and no doubt it was Aela herself, as I didn't hear any other sounds. _Aela…what is she crying about?_ I wondered. I thought about knocking on the door but I decided against it and to just leave her alone. I turned around and began to walk away, when I heard the sound of the door opening behind me. "Roxanne!" I heard Aela yell.

I jumped a mile and then turned around. "Oh, you scared me!" I cried.

Her face looked as cold as stone, but I noticed that her eyes and nose were red- definitely crying. "Likewise! I thought you were Tilma! Were you wanting to see me?"

"Oh, no," I answered quickly. "I was just-" My eyes darted to my left and right and I realized in defeat that I couldn't think of a clever alibi. So I blurted out, "Are you crying?"

"No!" Aela quickly responded, now the one getting flustered. "It's nothing."

"Nothing?" I questioned.

For a second, she appeared to mull over something before finally sighing and saying, "Alright…come in here." She then led me back into her room and closed the door behind us. "Have a seat."

I sat down at the small table in the corner and she followed suit. I noticed that she never let up on her tough appearance now even though I knew she had just got done sobbing. "We're like sisters now, are we not?"

"I should hope so," I replied.

"Then I guess there are some things you should know about me," she proceeded to explain matter-of-factly. "I would hope that you could come to me, too, if you ever need a sympathetic ear."

"I would," I said.

She took a deep breath and then continued. "So…one of the things you're probably wondering is why I've got such a beef with the Silver Hands."

"They hunt you," I piped up. "Because they don't like werewolves for some reason."

"Right," she replied. "But for me, it's a lot more personal than that."

"Does this…happen to have anything to do with those missing Companions you once told me about?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Tell me about them."

Aela looked up from her hands and I noticed a faraway look on her face. She paused like that for a moment and then began telling the story. "Once, not too long ago, the Companions had in their ranks three of the most renowned animal hunters Jorrvaskr had ever known- their names were Piers, Cyrus, and Krev, also known as Piers the Slayer, Cyrus the Butcher, and Krev the Skinner. About three years ago, they went missing. It was while they were on a campaign against the Silver Hands at Gallows Rock."

"Where you and I were!" I exclaimed.

"Yes," Aela nodded. "After we realized that they weren't returning, the twins and I went on a rescue mission to find them. Once we got to Gallows Rock, we were in for an unpleasant surprise. The Silver Hands ambushed us- there were so many of them that we couldn't take them down, and they overtook us. They locked me and Vilkas up in a cage with a dead werewolf- Cyrus. And I saw that Piers was in the cage next to us."

"And Farkas?"

"Farkas, the fool…I don't know what he was thinking but he used his beastblood and transformed into a werewolf. He tore most of the Silver Hands apart but then, he didn't expect to meet the mastermind behind the capture- Krev, himself.

"Krev the Skinner? Wasn't he on your side?"

"Let me explain. Piers, Cyrus, and Krev all took on the beastblood not too long before this, but pretty much all of them did it unwillingly. It took a lot of convincing, mostly from me, to get Piers to take the blood oath, but after Cyrus and Krev took it and lived with it for awhile, all three of them came to hate it. I was just as surprised as any of us when I then learned that day we were captured that Krev hated beastblood so much that he turned on us all, and made it his life's mission to hunt down every werewolf he could find in Skyrim and to do away with them. I can't imagine what Farkas was thinking, if he was even thinking at all in his beast form, but before he could do anything, Krev subdued him with a poisoned dagger and brought him into the altar room."

_It's all starting to make sense now,_ I thought. _The torture devices, the altar, the werewolves locked up in those cages, and Aela's reaction._ "Was that…Krev…that we killed the other day?"

"That was him," Aela nodded solemnly.

"Then he deserved to die," I said. "He _turned_ on you guys!"

"He did indeed," Aela agreed.

"Then…how did you escape that day?" I asked.

"I picked the lock on my cage," she replied. "I had a few lockpicks, and after several tries, Vilkas and I were finally able to break out. Vilkas then went to go rescue his brother, and I stayed behind to try and break Piers free. But then everything went wrong again. The lock on Piers' cell was a lot harder to pick for some reason, and it took so long for me that Piers finally whispered to me, and I'll never forget these words, 'Aela, do not die with beastblood in your veins. You guys get out of here.' And before I could say anything, he transformed into the beast he so hated, broke out of the cell and ran straight into the altar room. I watched as he began attacking Krev, giving me, Vilkas, and Farkas enough time to get out of there, which we did. And we escaped death, with Piers' help."

"What happened to Piers?" I asked.

Aela looked sullen. "He no doubt fell to the Silver Hand eventually. As a werewolf, he would've endured…unimaginable torture…for days and weeks on end, being locked up and then brought back out for their numerous twisted experiments…" She shook her head and said, "I don't even want to think about it."

Just then, it dawned on me. "That werewolf that we killed down there…you don't think that was..."

"Piers?" she finished. "No…it wasn't him. It couldn't have been him." She looked troubled again and then shook her head once more. "It doesn't matter, anyway. His mind would've been so far gone by that point that…" She trailed off, appearing as if she were going to break into tears.

"Piers was…close to you?" I assumed.

With a melancholy expression on her face, she nodded. "He was my Shield-Brother. And we _were_ close. Very close."

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Anyone here can be your Shield-Sibling," she explained. "Just ask and they will fight at your side. But…at some point, you will find that you forge a bond with one or two of them that is closer than any other. It might be because your fighting styles are similar. Or your personalities are similar. For me and Piers, it was both. In fact…I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I was in love with him."

"Oh," I replied, now fully understanding. "I am sorry, Aela."

"Don't be sorry for me," she said. "The greatest mistake I believe I ever made was not telling him that."

"Why not?"

"I was afraid. I don't know if you'll understand this but…spending so much time with him and fighting together- it was natural for me to become fond of him. That was just my weakness as a woman. I let that fondness get too far. He probably just thought it was all part of his duty as a Companion."

"Hmm," was all I could say.

"I let my heart rule, and it got me in trouble," she explained. "Just remember that."

"I will," I said. I then stood up. "Well, I'd better get going."

Aela smiled. "Alright. I just want to say that it's good to have another quick-eyed Shield-Sister in the hall. Come to me with any troubles, okay?"

I nodded. "Thanks, Aela." I then left her and went back to my room. Sitting down on the bed, I thought about what Aela had told me. _Poor woman. She had lost her lover in such a tragic manner. But she has a point about how letting her heart rule got her into trouble. If she hadn't had become so attached to Piers in the first place, then she wouldn't have been so heartbroken to have lost him. Jorrvaskr was no place to seek out and find love. You never knew when your next mission was going to be your last- nor your Shield-Sibling's. It's almost funny. We are encouraged to treat one another as close family but discouraged to become _too_ attached. _ I then began to wonder about something. _Is that what's happening to me with Farkas? Am I becoming too…attached to him?_ As I thought about it some more, it became harder and harder to deny it. It really _was_ happening. All the respect and nice gestures that Farkas showed towards me and all of the time that I was spending alone with him…it had gotten me all worked up emotionally. But it's really all for nothing because, just as Aela said about Piers, Farkas is only doing it because it's his duty as a Companion and as my Shield-Brother…and because he's just a really nice guy.

_Besides,_ I thought sadly, _He would never be physically attracted to me, anyway. No human would be. I was basically an animal. And there is no hope in all of Tamriel of me ever going back to my human form. I have to get this absurd feeling of attraction towards Farkas quashed once and for all. And I have to start by spending as little time as possible with him._

That evening, at the dinner table, I sat with Aela and Ria and had some leg of goat. I couldn't help but steal a glance at Farkas, who was sitting along the long side of the table, between Vilkas and Torvar. He looked up from his plate and right at me. Embarrassed, I immediately averted my eyes to the smoldering coals in the hearth, pretending that I was staring at it all along. _I need to stop looking at him so much,_ I knew. I then went back to eating.

When I had finished my dinner, I got up to follow Aela and Ria downstairs, but Farkas approached me and said, "Hey, Roxanne."

"Hey," I replied coolly. _Remember, not _too_ much interaction…_

"Want to train with me outside for awhile?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Sorry. Can't. I have…something to do for Aela downstairs." I said the last part quickly as the excuse literally just came to my mind right that second.

"Oh, okay," he responded, appearing a little disappointed. "Well, goodnight to you, Roxanne."

"Goodnight," I said and turned away from him. As I made my way down the stairs, I immediately felt guilty. _I don't feel good brushing him off like this,_ I thought. _He's such a good friend and Shield-Brother to me._ _But if I don't, then I may just…_

_May just what?_

_Fall in love with him._

_Nonsense!_

_It's true. I have no choice. I can't have _that_ happen._

With that resolve, I went down into the living quarters to spend the rest of my night in my room.

The next morning, I climbed out of bed after a fitful night of unrest and got dressed. As I made my way upstairs, I thought to myself, _These sleepless nights are getting worse. I'm going to have to cure my beastblood soon or I may just go insane. If I could just stay with and talk to someone throughout the night, it would make it more bearable._ But Njada and Ria were sound asleep since they didn't have beastblood, and Aela and Vilkas locked themselves up in their rooms all night. Aela probably thought a lot about Piers, Cyrus, and Skjor and grieved for them, and Vilkas probably read and studied his numerous books. Farkas was really the only one who liked to be up and about at night, sometimes going on walks outside. _But I need to avoid him as much as possible, so that option's out._

As I ate breakfast, individual people started slowly emerging from the living quarters until everyone was at the table.

"What shall we do today, Harbinger?" Njada asked.

"Work on your training, as always," I said. To be honest, I was still learning how to lead the Companions and I could only imagine what Kodlak used to have everyone do on a daily basis.

"I propose we do something a little different today," Vilkas piped up.

"Oh? What's that?" I asked.

"I say we go get some training on the field," he declared. "The Jarl has issued a bounty on the giants at Bleakwood Basin since they've been terrorizing travelers from Whiterun. He wants them taken care of as soon as possible, and you know what that means!" He looked around at everybody at the table with a mischievous grin.

"Ooh, giant battle!" Njada exclaimed excitedly.

"Sounds like fun," Aela piped up.

"I'm up for it," Farkas declared.

"What say you, Harbinger?" Vilkas said, turning to me.

_Giants…those things were strong. But what a fun battle it would be with my newfound family at my side!_ "Let's go kill some giants!" I announced.

The whole table erupted in cheers and battle cries. We all finished eating our meals quickly with a newfound fire burning in our hearts. Then, we all got up and headed downstairs into the living quarters. In the main hall of the living quarters, we began getting our armor and weapons out and outfitting ourselves with them. Aela, Njada, and Ria helped me with my steel armor and I helped them with their various pieces of armor. I felt like we were preparing to go to war. The sound of helmets clanking as they were set upon our shoulders, the sound of leather being slapped as the dust and wrinkles were removed from them, and the sound of various metal weapons sheathing as they were placed into their owners' scabbards intermingled with our own voices as we talked and sang about the glories of past battles and the one just ahead of us.

When we were all ready, Aela said to me, "We need to say the Companions Salute now."

"Companions Salute?" I questioned, never having heard of it before.

"It's kind of a…prayer that we say before going into battle," she explained. "It goes way back- maybe not all the way to Ysgramor but it is pretty old. I'll say it this time and next time you can."

"Okay," I said.

Just then, Vilkas approached us. "Are you going to say the Companions Salute?"

"Yes, I will be saying it," Aela responded. She then shouted to everyone in the room, "Gather 'round, everybody!"

Everyone began forming a circle in the middle of the hallway. I stood between Aela and Njada. Aela began speaking,

"As we enter into the fiery throes of battle

Let our swords swing valiantly

Let our arrows fly true

And let our hearts burn with Ysgramor's flame.

Woe to our enemies who fall before us

That our glories shall be sung

And our name ring throughout the ages."

I watched and followed suit as everyone raised a hand above their head and yelled simultaneously, "For glory and honor!"

Our circle then dispersed and we made our way upstairs and out of Jorrvaskr. As we passed through the town of Whiterun, people stopped what they were doing to stare. Some even took their hats off and saluted. As we made our way out of the great gates of the city, the Whiterun guards standing there saluted and said boldly, "Hail, Companions!" I never felt so good in my life to be a Companion as I did in these moments.

Once we were out of the city, I asked Vilkas, "Do you know where Bleakwind Basin is?"

"Aye," Vilkas replied. "Just due west of here."

"Lead us there," I told him.

"Will do, Miss Roxanne," he said and forged ahead. The rest of us followed him as we headed west. As we marched along the cobblestone path out of the town, I thought about the time when Farkas and I used this same path to make our way to Dustman's Cairn. It seemed so long ago. I looked up to see Farkas walking a few steps ahead of me. He turned his head every once in awhile to admire the land around him- gazing into the open fields and mountains in the distance. I wondered what he was thinking about. _Is he thinking about fighting dragons and trolls in those hills? Or is he thinking about how majestic the mountains look with the mist shrouding them?_ _I wonder if he ever finds himself dreaming about places beyond Jorrvaskr? Beyond Skyrim?_

"How do you like your new post?" Aela's voice broke into my thoughts.

I immediately felt like blushing again as I realized my eyes were practically burning a hole into Farkas' back at that moment. I looked at her and replied, "I like it."

My thoughts about Farkas were then thankfully diverted as Aela and I chatted the whole way to Bleakwind Basin.

Eventually, Vilkas led us off of the cobblestone path and into open, wild meadowland. Wild grasses and tundra cotton dotted the landscape as well as small, rocky knolls here and there. After making our way through the grass for awhile, Vilkas suddenly stopped and we all stopped, as well. We watched as he stuck out his left hand behind him, pointed his palm down, and ducked down with his body. We all took that as the signal to get down low and tread quietly, for we were now near the giants' camp. As we drew closer to a small hill, I could make out a fire in the distance. Still drawing closer, I saw that it was actually a huge bonfire made by the giants. We were getting closer. Vilkas began bearing to his left, and we ascended the small hill up to a pile of boulders and we all crouched down among them. Some of the boulders had white markings on them- giant artwork.

"Roxanne, come with me," Vilkas said to me in a low voice and continued, "The rest of you wait here."

I followed Vilkas as we crawled among the boulders up to some fallen stone pillars. The hill dropped down from there into the basin below where the giant camp was. He peeked with his head over the pillars and gazed out into the basin below for a few seconds before gesturing at me to look, too. I slowly lifted my head and looked down into the camp. Surveying the area, I saw the huge bonfire in the middle, various strange contraptions made of animal hide, and of course, the giants themselves. There were two of them- one of them was standing in front of the fire with its back to us and another was standing near some trees at the edge of the camp to my right. I felt a tap on my shoulder and I looked at Vilkas to see him gazing to our left. I followed his gaze and saw a big, hairy mammoth standing by some trees at that edge of the camp. He then ducked down and I followed suit. He whispered, "This is going to be challenging."

I looked at him.

"Two giants and a mammoth," he went on. "Perhaps splitting up into groups to take them on would be wise. What do you think, Harbinger?"

I swallowed as I attempted to assess the situation in my mind, as well. _Vilkas sure likes putting me on the spot,_ I also mused. _I guess that's just the way he is._ "I think…you are right. We shall split up. You and Ria take on the giant. The one nearest to us. Torvar and I will take on the other giant, and Farkas, Athis, and Njada will take care of the mammoth. Aela shall stay hidden as much as possible and shoot with her arrows."

Vilkas smiled and nodded with approval. "A sound plan. Let's regroup."

We then crawled back to the other Companions and I explained to them the same plan that I initially told Vilkas. We then quickly wished each other good luck and set off towards the camp. No longer wanting to be hidden, we unsheathed our weapons and ran into the basin, unleashing our battle cries. Torvar and I charged into the trees at the northeastern edge of the camp and I let loose with some arrows from my bow at the angry giant, who was stomping his feet on the ground and growling. He was a massive being, towering over us, his legs as thick as the trees themselves. Torvar stood in front of the giant's feet and braced himself as the giant swung at him with his club and missed. I shot another arrow and hit the giant on his right hip and ran behind a shrub before he could come after me. Torvar kept him busy as I kept shooting arrows at him, aiming for his head and neck. Just then, some movement out of the corner of my eye caused me to immediately turn my head to my right…and my eyes opened wide as I saw a mammoth charging straight towards me!

"Torvar, look out!" I screamed, and he turned to me and then turned and saw the mammoth. He ran forward out of the giant's way and I ran in the opposite direction at the very instant the mammoth charged into my former spot and into the shrubs, creating a great ruckus as it skidded to a stop, sending dust, rocks, and sticks flying everywhere. I took advantage of that second as it tried to turn around to shoot an arrow at it, and got its side. It roared angrily and turned towards me, getting ready to charge again. In a panic, I shouted the only two words I knew of the Fire Breath Shout, "Yol TOOR!" and out of my mouth shot a great flame which burned the mammoth and stunned it for a second. At that very moment, Torvar came running and plunged his sword into the mammoth's great neck and it doubled over. It did not get back up, and as the dust cleared, I could hear triumphant cries from the other side of the trees. _We conquered the giants and their massive pets!_ Torvar climbed on top of the mammoth and let out a victory cry. I raised my sword up in the air and screamed victoriously, myself. He and I then rejoined the others in the camp, and I was able to see the battle damage. Two giants lay in the grass with blood and arrows all over them and the other mammoth was lying limply at the other end of the camp. Vilkas and I had not accounted for that second mammoth to come and ambush us! All eight of us Companions stood near the bonfire and celebrated with shouts and whistles and playful punches and hugs. It was then I finally knew what it was like to be a true Companion. It was an intensely marvelous feeling.

"Let's go back to Jorrvaskr! This calls for a mead celebration!" I shouted.

There were more cheers and cries in reply, and then we all headed back on the path to Whiterun in high spirits.

Back in town, we entered Jorrvaskr and were greeted by Tilma, Vignar, and Brill. Vignar was the patron of the Gray-Mane Clan and Brill was his servant. They both hung out at Jorrvaskr a lot and Vignar liked to tell stories about his younger days as a formidable warrior. Vilkas liked talking to him because he knew so much about Nord history. We told them all of our exploits and declared that we were going to have a celebratory dinner. We all sat down to eat dinner and every one of us was absolutely ravenous, so dinner was finished very quickly. We then all gathered outside on the patio to enjoy some nice, cold bottles of mead. Athis and Torvar then put on a skit in the courtyard showing everyone how the battle went down in Bleakwind Basin. It started to get out of hand, though, when they exaggerated some parts of the story so grossly that some of us began shouting at them and heckling them. It was all in good spirits, though. There was much laughter to be had, as well. And I should still mention that I managed to avoid conversation with Farkas throughout the evening, even when it did appear that he wanted to talk to me. I stayed close to the women, instead.

When the celebration was over and it was late, everyone began streaming inside to get ready for bed. I knew what that meant, and my spirits began to dip. _It's going to be another long and lonely night being holed up in my room. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this._ I was at the point where I was seriously thinking about just up and going to Glenmoril Coven to get a witch head and cure myself without telling anyone.

As I bid everyone goodnight and congratulations on the successful battle, I tried to be quick with Farkas but then he said to me, "Hey, do you think you can train with me tonight? I asked Aela if she needed you this time and she said no."

_Well, damn,_ I thought. _Looks like he did away with my one good excuse._ Unable to think of a backup plan, I hesitantly replied, "Sure."

He smiled and said, "I appreciate it. I've been practicing what you showed me the past couple of nights."

I followed him out the door again and onto the patio, which was now quiet- a huge contrast from how it was just a few minutes before. "Well, let me watch you, then," I said.

"Okay," he said and walked out into the courtyard as I took a seat on the steps. The moon was full tonight so the courtyard looked almost as bright as day. As I watched him pick up a bow from one of the mannequins I thought proudly to myself, _Well, I managed to avoid spending too much time with him for about two whole days and now I no longer feel like I'm developing feelings for him anymore. We're just friends! And just friends we will be! And I can handle it!_ I crossed my arms defiantly and observed him shoot a few arrows at the target board. "That was good!" I said to him. "Your stance is getting much better! Remember to keep your right elbow in line with the arrow."

"Thanks," he replied. "Why don't you come out here and join me?"

_Sure, why not. I can handle it now._ I got up and picked up another bow and we took turns shooting at the target board for a bit. I then watched as he put up his bow and picked up a greatsword. "How's your two-handed skills? Wanna spar?"

"I've never wielded a two-handed weapon before," I confessed.

"Come on, I'll show you," he said, holding his greatsword out in front of him. "It's not too hard."

"Alright…" I said with as much confidence as I could muster and picked up an iron greatsword from another mannequin. It was heavy.

"That thing's taller than you are," he teased.

"Oh, be quiet!" I hissed, raising the sword in front of my face, trying not to look clumsy.

He chuckled. "Okay, take a swing at me."

Trying to hold the heavy sword as steady as I could, I swung at Farkas, and the sword seemed to take forever to fly at him. He easily blocked it.

"Good, now swing harder," he said.

I brought the greatsword back and swung at him again, which he again blocked easily.

"I barely felt that one, sister," he teased again, which only made me more frustrated.

This time, I brought my sword back as far as I could while maintaining my stance and then swung as hard as I could, putting my entire body into the swing. When my sword met with his, they met with such great force that I could feel the reverberation in my entire body, and the rebound thus caught me off guard. In that instant, I lost my balance and nearly fell backward. Farkas reached out and grabbed me with his strong arms and I ended up dropping the sword. It fell and hit the ground with a loud CLANG and I grabbed Farkas' chest by instinct to keep from falling onto him. "You alright?" he asked, not letting go of me.

I quickly took my hand off his chest, practically pushing myself away from him. "Yeah, yeah! I'm fine!" I became flustered.

"You've got some strong arms there," he remarked. "Just need to work on controlling your body."

"I'm so sorry," I said nervously, my face growing hot. "I didn't mean to…" I trailed off, showing him with my hands that I was extremely embarrassed for grabbing onto him.

He laughed. "Don't worry about it."

"Um…" I stammered. "I…think I've had enough training for now." _I really need to get out of here._ That uncomfortable feeling was starting to creep up on me again.

His smile faded and he asked in a serious tone, "Hey, do I make you nervous?"

"Huh?" I questioned, feeling even more nervous now. "N-no. Of course you don't. I'm just getting really tired all of a sudden and think I should try going to bed now."

"Roxanne, what's wrong?" he asked. "I noticed you've been avoiding me a lot lately."

My heart felt a tinge. _So he _has _noticed after all._ I responded as innocently as possible, "_Avoiding_ you? Why would I want to do that?"

"I don't know, but I've been thinking…maybe I somehow made you uncomfortable when we went out for drinks the other night," he said as he put up the greatsword.

"No…no you didn't."

He stood in front of me and explained, "Look, the truth is, you were the first woman I've ever gone out and had drinks with. Alone, that is." He began to appear nervous, now. "I didn't really know how to act in that situation. So I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable in any way."

I looked at him thoughtfully, wondering why he was so nervous. "Farkas, you didn't make me uncomfortable," I said with reassurance. "I had a great time." _And it was the truth. In more fact, I had felt like I had _too_ great of a time._

This made him smile. "Well, I'm glad." His face then grew serious again as he added, "Maybe it's just me then, but…I just feel like you've been acting different around me since then."

A sense of guilt filled me and I said, "I'm sorry. I…didn't hurt your feelings did I?"

One corner of his mouth turned up into a lopsided smile and he shrugged. "Maybe a little bit," he said quietly.

Surprised, I remarked, "I didn't know I did that. I'm sorry."

"Yeah. Well, I won't lie. I guess I kind of…miss talking with you."

"Miss talking with me? Wow, Farkas, I…I didn't know you enjoyed it that much." I felt my face grow hot again.

He shrugged again. "I do. I'm not much of a talker, but with you it's enjoyable."

His words made my heart fill with warmth. "Well, I enjoy talking with you, too," I admitted. "You're my favorite Shield-Brother."

"Is that all?" he asked.

"Well…" I started, not sure of what else to say. "And a good friend."

"Is that really what you think of me?"

_I just said so!_ "…Yes," I replied, beginning to feel very awkward.

He paused with an uncertain look on his face, and then began apprehensively, "I hope you don't mind me saying this but…" He licked his lips nervously now. "As a man, a friendship with a woman is…" he trailed off and sighed. "What I mean is…you might see me differently than I see you." He scratched his head in frustration. "I'm not really making any sense am I?" he finally said in defeat.

"No…" I said meekly, afraid of what he was referring to.

"You know I'm not very good with words," he said nervously. "So I'll just come out and say it. I think I'm in love with you, Roxanne," he said, looking deep into my eyes.

Immediately, my eyes opened wide and a surprised "ohh" escaped from my lips and my hands flew up to my cheeks, as if to conceal the flushing that I'm sure would've been _very_ visible if it weren't for all of the fur. "I-I-I don't know what to say…"

"You don't have to say anything," he said, and then he started leaning his face towards me.

Overcome with shock at what he was about to do, I reeled back and put my hands on his shoulders to stop him. "Farkas, wait! I'm sorry, I…I can't do this." My mind suddenly felt like a jumbled mess.

He frowned and gave me a confused look.

"As a Khajiit…I just don't…feel comfortable…"

"It doesn't matter to me what you are, Roxanne."

I shook my head, feeling incredibly embarrassed and about to lose my mind. "I just can't do this. I'm sorry." Feeling a lump form in my throat, I immediately left him there and ran back inside. I quickly went down the stairs and into my room and shut the door. There, I threw myself onto the bed and wept. My head was pounding and I felt dizzy. I asked myself over and over again, _What just happened? Was I dreaming? Did Farkas just say to me that he was "in love with" me? And did he just try to kiss me?_ But the more I asked them, the more I denied it. But it was also harder to deny the veracity of my own feelings. Truth be told, I really had grown fond of him, too. He made me feel very strange and I felt like I was enjoying his presence too much for my own good. I have to admit, my heart fluttered when he told me that he was in love with me, but it also made me very sad. I was not comfortable as a Khajiit at all. Every inch of my body was covered in fur. I had an animal's tail and muzzle. When he leaned in to try to kiss me, I just couldn't let him do it. He would have recoiled at the feeling of my furry mouth and whiskers and I would've felt so ashamed. I couldn't let him fall in love with me. He needed a proper human woman. He needed to feel the caress of soft, smooth, human skin and the touch of soft, smooth lips. He will surely not like mine. And it would only make him yearn for a human woman. There was no way I could live under that shame.

As I lay there, wondering what I was going to do, I felt as if I should confront him and say something to him. But after mulling over various scenarios in my head, nothing seemed right. _There's no way I can even _face_ him now,_ I knew.

_But I have to talk to him. Tell him how I really feel and tell him that I'm just not comfortable._

_But he said that it didn't matter._

_It matters. It matters to me. And there's nothing I can do to make myself feel better about it._

_What am I going to do?_

_Tell him that it would never work out. Tell him to leave me alone._

_I can't do that. We'd see each other everyday. I can't bear to face him again. I just can't._

_Then there is only one thing to do. Leave. Leave him. Leave Jorrvaskr. Leave Whiterun for good._

_Can I really do that?_

_If I never look back, I can._

I then made my decision. Immediately, I got up and began gathering my things. I put on my armor and took everything with me. My heart was pounding the whole time. Before I left the room, though, I realized that I couldn't just leave Jorrvaskr without saying anything. I was the Harbinger, and even though I wanted to disappear quietly without ever being seen again, I knew that wouldn't have been wise without at least naming someone to take my place. So I put my stuff down, got a roll of paper and pen out of a drawer, and began to write.

My Fellow Companions,

It is with great regret that I inform you that I must vacate my post as Harbinger. After doing some thinking, I've realized that I can no longer run from my newly-acquired identity. As unwanted as it may be, I have come to see that I need to embrace it wholeheartedly, or there will never be peace in my heart. There is no known cure for my condition. Therefore, I am going to Riften to dwell there, where Khajiits like me are welcome. I hope that you will all understand. Thank you all for your friendship and loyalty to me. It will never be forgotten. In my absence, Aela shall serve as Harbinger.

Regards,

Roxanne

I started to wonder if it was such a good idea to let everyone know of where I was going. For some reason, it made me not feel so bad for leaving, so I left it in the letter. After all, I was still on good terms with everyone else, so I had no reason to be secretive. In my mind, giving my location made the guilt a little easier to bear. I took the note with me upstairs. The great hall was dark and empty- I had no idea where Farkas was at the moment, nor did I even want to think about him, as thinking about him gave me a sick, sinking feeling in my stomach, so I quickly put the note on the table in front of the door. I then took one last look at the great hall before going out the front door and bidding goodbye to Jorrvaskr.


	6. Chapter 6

It had been a harrowing few days in Riften. When I got into town, everyone was up in arms about thieves breaking into their houses and stealing things. I hardly got a town welcome because of all this bedlam. Riften was a bustling town on the shores of Lake Honrich in the southeastern part of Skyrim, in the Hold known as the Rift. It was about the size of Whiterun and had all of the same things that Whiterun had- a central marketplace, an inn, a Jarl, and plenty of residences, belonging to both rich and poor. That's where their similarities ended, though. Unlike Whiterun, it was always cloudy and foggy in Riften, it seemed. There were many Argonians and a few Khajiiti living here (none in Whiterun). The citizens didn't seem to be as nice, either. But it was probably because everyone was always so suspicious, thanks to the thief problem here. I eventually got to the bottom of it and found out that there was a faction called the Thieves Guild that was mostly responsible for these crimes. This guild lived down in The Ratway, a maze of sewers deep under Riften. I went down there one day to check it out and I actually encountered some members of the guild. At first, they were unfriendly to me but after awhile, they actually began warming up to me and asked me to join, probably since I was a Khajiit. There was money in it for me if I joined and performed jobs for them. The first couple of jobs were easy enough. They involved stealing valuable items and planting them in someone else's pocket in order to frame them, and bribing various citizens to pay debts owed to the guild. In a short amount of time, I became somewhat skilled in the art of thievery, lying, and blackmailing. At the time, I did not regret any of it, but I do now. Seeing much promise in me as the newest member of the Thieves Guild, one of the senior members of the guild, Vex, sent me on my first real mission, which was to invade Goldenglow Estate, a honey farm west of Riften, and set some of the property on fire. I left the Ratway with the intention of fulfilling this mission but before I could even depart from the town, I began having second thoughts. I couldn't shake the feeling that this mission was so daunting and so against my nature. So instead of heading out of Riften to fulfill my mission, I abandoned it and decided to sever myself from the Thieves Guild. This was a personal decision only and I did not try to let them know about this, for I didn't want anything bad to happen. And they never came looking for me.

It was my fifth day in Riften when I went to the Bee and Barb to secure a room for the night and I sat down to talk to Keerava. A couple of days before when I was doing work for the Thieves Guild, I had threatened her to pay her debts to them and treated her pretty badly. Now, I apologized to her and tried to make amends with her. She slowly warmed up to me after that. As I was talking with her, a male Khajiit took a seat next to me and began studying me.

Before I got up to go to my room, I looked at the Khajiit man next to me, wondering what he wanted from me. He had orange-brown fur with dark brown stripes and wore a belted white tunic. He smiled and said, "So sorry. This one couldn't help but notice that you're new here in town." He had a very thick accent but his voice sounded youthful.

"I am," I answered.

"Where is this stranger from?" he asked.

"I'm from Ceredia," I replied uncertainly, wondering why he had taken a sudden interest in me.

"This one has never heard of that place," he said. "Allow an introduction to Mar'jan. Who come from Elsweyr." He stuck out his furry hand.

I took it and shook it. "Nice to meet you Mar'jan. I am Roxanne." _Should I have given him my real name? _I started to wonder. _And Khajiiti sure talk funny- why do they always refer to themselves in the third person?_

"Mar'jan has come such a long way to see his sister," he explained. "She leads one of the trading groups north of here. This one is also looking to join the mage's college. Does Roxanne know that place?"

"The College of Winterhold? I've heard of it," I replied. "But I've never been there. Winterhold is very far to the north from here."

"Yes," he said. "This one is just resting here in Riften, but he has come to like this place. Making lots of new friends."

"Well, perhaps you will find some here," I said.

"Mar'jan hopes so. Would Roxanne like to be his friend?"

_That was very direct._ "Sure. I'll be your friend."

"That makes Mar'jan very happy." He smiled and then said, "Goodnight Roxanne."

I bid him goodnight and then went up to my room. _That sure was a friendly fellow,_ I thought, getting ready for bed. _So many strange people here in Riften._

Early the next morning, I got up and talked to Keerava again. I asked her if the inn needed any helpers for I was looking for some employment to keep myself occupied now that I was no longer doing jobs for the Thieves Guild- something that didn't involve stealing, bribing, or breaking the law. She told me that she didn't need any helpers, but there was a place here in town that could use some- namely, the Temple of Mara.

So I left the inn and walked over there. It was a grand-looking, stone temple at the eastern edge of the central marketplace. Moss covered most of the stones, giving it an ancient, yet peaceful appearance. I opened the double doors and stepped inside. I was greeted by the smell of burning candles and incense and before me was what looked like the inside of a chapel. Rows of pews ran along the left and right sides of the room, and the aisle in the middle led straight to the altar itself, which had the stone Divines emblem sitting on it surrounded by candles. Behind the altar was a larger-than-life statue of what I assumed to be the goddess herself. Wearing a long robe, her arms were held out to either side of her with the palms facing up. Her head was turned up towards the heavens, as if she were praying or singing.

"Blessings of Mara upon you!" I heard a voice say. A Redguard man in brown and yellow robes appeared from behind the altar.

"Hello, um…are you the head priest here?" I asked.

"I am," he said. "What brings you to the temple today, my child?"

"I was told that you are currently accepting employment," I explained. "I would like to apply."

"Wonderful! There's no need to apply. We'll take you on right away. Come with me."

I followed him through a corridor next to the altar which eventually led to a small room with a bed in it. "This will be your room," Maramal explained. "You will stay at the temple and help out with various tasks throughout the day. Of course, I also hope that your heart is open to serving Mara just as the rest of the priests do."

_Hmm, I have never heard of this Mara before._ "Tell me more about this goddess, Mara."

Maramal's face lit up and he became animated. "Oh! Where to begin? Mara…is the goddess of love. Her domain encompasses the emotions we strive the most to embrace; love, compassion, and understanding. It's difficult to appreciate her gifts in these dark times, but you should consider her light a beacon in the storm. The temple spreads her gifts by tending to the sick, the poor, and the lost."

"Why are there so many seats in here?" I asked. "Are there shows in here of some kind?"

"The seats are for wedding guests," he explained. "We also perform wedding ceremonies for all the loving couples in Skyrim."

"Wow, wedding ceremonies, huh?" _Well, that explains the setup of the pews and the aisle in the middle._

"Yes, m'lady. In fact, you may even have one here, yourself…when you're ready, of course."

"Oh," I said, blushing. "I don't know when that would be."

"Are you familiar with how marriage and courtship work in Skyrim?"

"No, not really."

"Then I'll be glad to explain it to you! Typically, love in Skyrim is as earnest as the people who live here. Life is hard, and short, so there is little room for long courtship. A person who is looking for a spouse simply wears an Amulet of Mara about the neck, showing they are available. When another person shows interest, and the two agree to be together, they come to the Temple and we arrange a ceremony."

"Interesting," I commented.

"Would you like to buy an amulet?" he asked me.

"Oh, no thank you," I replied humbly. "I don't really have any suitors in mind at the moment."

"Very well," he said. "Just remember…you don't have to have a suitor in mind to wear the amulet. Sometimes, your suitor will find _you_. At least…that's how Dinya Balu, my wife, found me."

"Oh, you have a wife!" I exclaimed, and immediately felt silly for doing so. _Why is that strange?_

"Yes, she is a priestess of Mara," he explained. "In fact, she has been a disciple of Mara longer than I have. It was she, who found me, poor in spirit and destitute in happiness in the wilderness of Skyrim. She loved me when everyone else hated me. She sheltered me when everyone else drove me out. She has been…my savior." He had a faraway look on his face.

"You love your wife very much," I observed. "That is wonderful to have such a bond."

"It is beyond words," he gushed. "But my point is, you will find love in the unlikeliest places. Mara has ways of arranging such things in the most unexpected ways possible."

I stood silent, not sure of what else to say.

"My apologies for the diversion. We need to talk about your employment. There are some temple clothes for you in the wardrobe here. Put those on and then meet me in the main sanctuary and I will get you started on your tasks." He then left me and closed the door behind him.

As I walked over to the wardrobe, I thought about what he had said about Mara and her beliefs. I also started to wonder if it was possible for me to find the kind of love that Maramal had found. It seemed so…rare. Just then, an image of Farkas' face appeared and his words, "I think I'm in love with you, Roxanne," rang in my mind. _That sweet voice._ I felt a pang swell in my gut again and I shut my eyes tight to get rid of the image and the voice. _No, I'm not looking back…_I told myself. As long as I was the creature that I was, I would not ever be comfortable with human love. I was going to have to find something else.

In the wardrobe, there was a long, brown robe with a cloth belt. I took it out and changed into it, feeling like a new person. In a way I was, as I was leaving my old life of fighting and bloodshed and trading it in for a peaceful, humble life as a temple worker. I went into the main sanctuary to receive my briefing from Maramal, and soon, I was officially a servant and disciple of Mara.

My first day working at the Temple of Mara was an uneventful yet peaceful one. I helped with keeping the place clean, polishing the shrine and the statue, and transcribing temple missives. I also got to meet Dinya Balu, the wife of Maramal, when she came in from a day of tending the temple garden. She was a very sweet woman. She was a Dunmer, which I did not expect, but it illuminated Maramal's words, "you will find love in the unlikeliest places," more than ever. I also met Briehl, another Maran priest. He was a timid but hardworking Nord.

After the temple was closed for the day and I got everything cleaned up, I retreated to my room to get ready for bed. As I climbed into the lumpy hide cushions and lay my head on the pillow, I thought, _This has been the most peaceful day I have had in a long time._

Many thoughts ran through my head as I lay there in the dark, still mindful that my beastblood was going to keep me awake all night possibly. I thought about Ceredia and the family that I left and I thought about Wendell, the brother that I had lost. I thought about Delphine and if I should seek her out again and I thought about the dragons. And as much as I tried not to, I thought about the Farkas and the Companions. Images of Farkas' friendly smile and playful, bright eyes threatened to come pouring into my mind like a deluge and I struggled inwardly to shut it out. But the surge was too great and the flood started- at first as images from that moonlit night when he came clean with his feelings toward me and then as imagined glimpses into what he must've thought and felt when I ran out on him like a coward. Tears came flowing out of my eyes as I felt my heart breaking just as Farkas' must have.

The next morning, I woke up a little disoriented. As my recollection of the day before came back to me, I wondered if I had actually fallen asleep through the whole night. As I listened to the muffled voices and footsteps in the main sanctuary just beyond my wall, I knew that it was morning. Amazed that I was actually able to get _some_ rest, I tried to remember what I was doing and thinking about right before I fell asleep. Then, when I remembered, I felt that pang again and I thought, _I can't do that anymore- think about him. There's got to be something I can do about that._ I got up and slowly made my way to the sanctuary.

"At last, you're up!" Maramal said. Dinya Balu and Briehl were up and about, as well.

"Apologies for not being up sooner," I said, rubbing my eyes.

"Please try to be up by five," Maramal instructed. "The temple opens to visitors at six and we need to make sure everything is ready."

"It's only her first day," Dinya Balu gently chided her husband. "I'm going out to water the garden now." I watched as she sweetly kissed him and then quietly padded out the door.

I immediately got to work on lighting all of the candles. I tried to keep my mind blank but nearly faltered again when I felt my thoughts drifting towards Farkas again. I got mad at myself. _This needs to stop! I can't be thinking about him anymore. I need to forget about him! But how?_ I looked up at Mara, as if she would have the answer ready for me. And then I immediately thought, _That's it! There _is_ a way that I can forget about Farkas. I'll do it by finding someone else to love._

I found Maramal in his room writing a letter and I approached him. "So sorry to interrupt, but…I think I'd like to buy an Amulet of Mara."

"Ah, so you've changed your mind," he said and looked up at me and smiled. "Wonderful!" He then got up and went over to a table in the corner, pulling out a lockbox. As he opened it and took an amulet out, he said, "Each one of these is finely handcrafted by our priests and blessed by Mara herself. It'll be 200 gold."

I reached into my pockets and took out the money and handed it to him. He gave me the amulet and I put it around my neck.

"May Mara guide you into finding love and companionship with a special person," he said ceremoniously.

"Thank you," I replied and went back to work.

In the middle of the afternoon, when there wasn't much to do in the temple, I went outside and took a walk around the marketplace. With my hood off and the Amulet of Mara visible around my neck, there was no mistaking the reaction that I got from the Khajiit men that I encountered in the area. They would stare at me and some even came up to me and sniffed my body. I was so bewildered by this behavior that I recoiled and walked away from them, making my way to the Bee and Barb.

Once inside, I took a seat at the counter, and Keerava saw me and said, "Well if it isn't the Ceredian! How's temple work for you?"

"I like it," I replied.

"Glad to hear it. Would you like something to drink?"

"I'd like an ale, please."

As she got out the drink and poured me some in a cup, I heard a familiar voice next to me say, "Roxanne, my friend?"

I turned and looked at the man sitting next to me and recognized Mar'jan. His furry face was hidden under a blue mage's robe. "Mar'jan! I didn't recognize you!"

"Likewise," he said. "Mar'jan has been practicing magicka…to be ready for the college. Friend works at the temple now?"

"Yes, I do," I answered. "I thought you were going to go see your sister?"

"Mi'shah will be coming to Riften tomorrow. Mar'jan will wait for her." I then watched as his eyes focused on my necklace and his eyes went wide. "That amulet…that's…"

"An Amulet of Mara," I finished.

"Mar'jan knows about the amulet. So, friend is not married? Mar'jan finds that very surprising."

"He does? I-I mean, you do?"

"Mar'jan thought friend would already have a mate. But he was wrong."

"Do you have a mate, Mar'jan?"

"No, Mar'jan does not. But he finds Roxanne to be very compatible."

"Com..patible?"

"This one shall soon find out. Meet Mar'jan tonight just outside of the Riften gates." He then quickly got up from his seat while I sat there, confused, and walked out of the inn. _What…in the world was _that_ all about?_ I wondered.

"Wooo, sounds like you've got an interested suitor," Keerava commented.

"I…suppose," I said uncertainly.

"Why the puzzled look on your face?" she asked with a smirk. "Aren't you gonna let him sniff you?"

"_Excuse_ me?" I cried. "I d-don't understand…"

"Where'd you say you were from again?" she questioned. "Sara da-"

"Ceredia," I corrected.

"I've never heard of the place myself. Are there many Khajiiti there?"

"No…" I replied, not wanting to explain myself. "I am the only one."

"So you don't know anything about Khajiit customs?"

"No." I shook my head, wondering what I was about to hear.

"Oh, dear…" she sighed. "Well, I've got some news for you then about Khajiit courtship and marriage. I don't know too much about it myself, but I hear that the courtship is very fast. The bonding ritual takes no more than a few minutes, and the marriage thing really wasn't part of the custom until later, when they were forced to act more civilized. Marriage is more of a formality to them than a requirement."

"What is the bonding ritual?"

"Well, I'm sorry if this shocks you, but…the man basically puts his nose all over you and sniffs you." She paused as my face curled in disgust and continued, "It's supposed to see if you're compatible physically or something…and then, if he sees that you are, you mate."

I was speechless. _That is so…repulsive! I would have to do that as a Khajiit?_

"You don't look too enthusiastic about it," she observed. "Look, I'm just telling you now so that you aren't completely shocked by it later when you meet Mar'jan. I'm sorry about your…your situation there. It sounds like you had a rough life being the only Khajiit in a faraway land."

"Um…thank you, Keerava, I think I…am going back to the temple now." I felt sick. I left the inn and went back to the temple. I went downstairs into the basement and started crafting some healing potions that were needed in the day-to-day business of the temple and tried to clear my head. _I don't know if I can do this,_ I thought. _I thought that embracing the Khajiit lifestyle was going to be easy but now I am not so sure. Their customs are just so strange. But I know I'll have to eventually._ There was no going back to my old lifestyle and customs. I was not a Nord anymore and would never fit in as one. I had no choice but to try my best to learn all of the Khajiit customs and to accept them.

That evening, when it was getting close to the time that I had to meet Mar'jan, I went up to Maramal and asked, "Have you performed very many Khajiit wedding ceremonies?"

"To tell you the truth, I have only performed two during my priesthood," he answered. "I don't get very many requests to do them because…as you know, they aren't taken very seriously."

"No, I don't know," I said earnestly. "I…I'm not familiar with Khajiit courtship at all. I was the only Khajiit where I came from."

"You are not from Elsweyr?" he questioned in surprise.

"No, I'm from a place called Ceredia," I answered. "I only now just learned from Keerava about the Khajiit courtship custom and I have to say I am…shocked."

"Well…it is strange, indeed. But we are not involved with that part of it. Khajiiti see it as all they need to have a lifelong bond. There are only a few that seek out and discover Mara's blessings by having a formal wedding ceremony. It makes me very happy to see a Khajiit couple come to our temple with the desire to honor their love in this way."

_That's what I can do then,_ I suddenly thought. _When I see Mar'jan tonight, I will convince him to have a wedding at the temple. If I can just get past the strange sniffing part…and the…mating, I will ask him for a more…civilized union._

That night, as I got ready to go out and meet Mar'jan, I thought to myself, _Am I really doing this? Am I really accepting Mar'jan as a Khajiit mate for life? I barely…know him. _As I walked out toward the city gate, I thought further, _Yes, I have to. If I want to finally put my old life to rest and move forward, it's the only thing I _can_ do that will make me sane._

I walked out of the gates and onto the stone path.

"Mar'jan is here," I heard the familiar raspy voice speak up.

I looked to my left and saw Mar'jan standing there, his greenish-yellow eyes almost glowing in the dark. "Hello, Mar'jan."

"Follow this one into the forest," he said and I obeyed.

We walked down the path until we were far from town and then he led me into the thick aspen trees. We then stopped at a small clearing and he said, "Mar'jan will smell you now."

_Well, here we go._ He came towards me and got very close to me. He then brought his head forward and put his nose on my shoulder, and I cringed at the cold and wet touch. He then ran his nose up and down my neck, shoulder, and arms. I had never felt more awkward than I did at that moment.

As his cold nose rubbed against my neck for the third time, I couldn't take it anymore and shouted, "Mar'jan!"

"Yes?" he stopped and asked me.

"There is…something I need to ask you about," I said.

"What is it?" he asked impatiently.

"When we are, um…through, tonight, I want to get married at the Temple of Mara," I declared.

"_Married_?" he questioned, wincing.

"Yes," I said.

"That's what_ humans_ do," he said in a disdainful manner. "Mar'jan does not care for that worthless ritual."

"But I do," I said firmly. "I want to do that ritual, too."

"Roxanne can't be serious!" he shouted in disgust. "Mar'jan does not want a mate that likes petty human things! Leave Mar'jan now!"

Shocked, I stepped back and started, "Wait, Mar'jan-"

"Leave!" he yelled louder.

I sighed and turned around and left him there, sauntering all the way back to Riften. Entering the city and going back to the temple, I felt so ashamed. I don't know why I felt that way, as I really had no reason to be. Once inside, I was greeted by Maramal, so I put on a stoic face, not wanting to divulge to him what had just happened. I helped him clean up the place and then went to bed. Before I fell asleep, though, I took off my Amulet of Mara and plopped it in the drawer in my end table, not desiring to wear it anymore.

The next day, I went to work as usual, and no one asked me about my amulet and why I wasn't wearing it. I could feel Maramal's concerned eyes on me, though, as I probably looked less chipper than usual. The truth was, I felt very ashamed. I was rejected by my own kind- if that kind was what I was physically. I would never be able to fit in as a Khajiit. I would never be able to fit in as anything. I would be an outsider- shunned by all.

In the late morning, I told Maramal that I was going out to buy some more alchemy ingredients, for we were running low. He gave me some gold to use from the temple treasury and sent me on my way. I stepped outside and went into the market, hoping that I wouldn't run into Mar'jan. Hopefully, he would have met his sister and left town with her, already. I bought some alchemy ingredients from one of the vendors and just as I turned around to go back to the temple, a simply-dressed Nord man ran up to me and asked frantically, "Are you Roxanne?"

I looked suspiciously at him and answered in a low voice, "I am. What do you want?"

"I have a letter for you from Whiterun."

_Whiterun? Who in Whiterun wrote me a letter? Maybe it was Delphine summoning me again? After all, I still had business to take care of with her._

As the courier dug out the letter from his satchel, he said, "I am so glad I found you. The only information he gave me was to look for a 'Khajiit woman dressed in warrior clothing.' You are not dressed in such clothing, though."

"I work at the Temple of Mara now," I told him.

"Oh, I see. Well, in any case, here." He found the letter and handed it to me. It was sealed in a small, white envelope.

"Thank you," I replied and he left.

I took the letter with me into the temple. _I wonder what Delphine wants of me now? Wait a minute, that courier said 'he' didn't he? So a man wrote me a letter? Who then?_

Once back in the temple, I dropped the envelope onto the end table in my bedroom and went back to work on crafting healing potions.

Once I had finished, I took a break to go back into my room and finally read the letter that was waiting for me. I tore the envelope open and took out the letter, sitting down on my bed. I soon discovered that it was from Vilkas. My stomach began filling with dread as I read it.

Miss Roxanne,

I would not be writing this letter to you if I did not have pressing matters to discuss with you. But something has been deeply disturbing me as of late. I must inform you of a very peculiar condition that has suddenly afflicted my brother. He has been acting rather strangely and has not been himself ever since you left. I do not know what happened between you and him but there is no doubt in my heart that it had something to do with your sudden departure and this sudden onset of concerning behavior in him. I am very worried about him- to the point that I have no choice but to ask that you please come back to Jorrvaskr immediately.

Sincerely,

Vilkas

I crumpled up the letter in my hands and shut my eyes tight, feeling like the whole world was beginning to swallow me up. _Impossible. How can Vilkas ask such a thing of me?_ _I can't go back,_ I thought. I can't go back._ I promised myself that I would forget about that place and that life._ But there was no denying the fact that Vilkas' words deeply disturbed me. I felt the dread in my gut intensify. _What is going on with Farkas over there at Jorrvaskr that has his brother very concerned? Farkas…_Thinking of him brought back that uncomfortable, ill feeling that I tried so hard in the past few days to squash. I decided that I would write a letter to Vilkas that night.

The rest of the day went by very slowly, and I had a hard time concentrating on my work. The sick feeling in my gut would just not go away. During a moment when Maramal and I were alone in the sanctuary and Briehl and Dinya Balu were outside, the latter tending her garden, he approached me and said, "Roxanne, you and I should talk."

I turned guiltily to him and said, "I'm sorry, Maramal. I'm not quite myself today. I must be…coming down with something."

"Please sit down," he urged, and we both sat down in one of the front pews.

I was at a loss for words, but then Maramal suddenly asked me, "Why aren't you wearing the amulet anymore?"

_Here we go. I'm going to have some explaining to do._ "I am no longer interested in seeking a partner," I told him.

"Why?" he asked me.

"I'm just…not…anymore," I simply replied.

"One does not just say that unless one has taken an arrow of pain in the heart," he explained.

It was then that I gave in and decided to tell him about my secret- the same secret that I had kept from the Companions and eventually divulged to them. I also told him that I was still having trouble accepting my new Khajiit identity and that I could not see myself with another Khajiit.

"It would not have been a good idea to marry a Khajiit, anyway," Maramal said. "As a Nord in spirit, it would not have worked out. Your traditions are very different from theirs."

"I supposed this," I admitted.

"It is best for you to be bound to your own true kind- a human," he told me. "A Nord ideally, but that does not matter as much."

Immediately, I thought back to Farkas, who was a Nord, himself. I felt a sting in my heart. "But I cannot."

"Why not?"

"Because he will reject me. He wouldn't like being with a- a..a _creature_ like me."

"He?" he questioned. "So there _is_…someone."

"No, not really. Like I said, he would reject me because of what I am on the outside."

"You underestimate the power of love and the power that Mara has over it. Is love so shallow? No, Roxanne. Mara has the power to blind those who are afflicted with it with such a bright light that outer appearance does not matter."

I then thought back to what Farkas had said to me on that day when he tried to kiss me. "It doesn't matter to me what you are, Roxanne," he had said.

"But-but, Maramal…" I protested. "There are things lovers must do together and…I mean, I just couldn't-"

"Roxanne…as someone who has never been in love before, you have much to learn about its full power. Let me put it to you simply: When a man loves a woman, no hesitation, no fear, no obstacle could ever come between him and her. Besides…if you ever hope to reverse your condition then know that only by marrying will you ever hope to find the cure."

Suddenly, my interest was piqued. "Really?"

"Yes. When you first told me about your condition, I was reminded about something I had read a long time ago."

"And what is that?"

"There used to be an ancient Nord marriage ritual. It is no longer practiced because it is associated with Talos and was subsequently banned, but it involved mixing the blood of the two lovers with the petals of a very rare flower called Amorebanum to produce a potion that binded the lovers' souls. It only works if both partners are Nords."

"Farkas _is_ a Nord," I blurted out.

"Then you may have hope," he said. "In this tome I read, the ritual would rid both souls of any impurities- such as vampirism or lycanthropy, so that when the two lovers came together, they could be clean. I have no doubt that such a potion could reverse your condition, as well.

"So there _is_ a cure!" I exclaimed happily. "Oh, Maramal, I wish I had known this earlier!"

"Roxanne, it is not so simple. Amorebanum is an _extremely_ difficult flower to find _anywhere_ in Tamriel. Please do not get too excited about finding a cure for your physical condition before finding the cure for your emotional one. My child, I am not blind or unlearned in these things. I know what heavy burden you carry in your heart. He must have been quite a fellow to have broken your heart so."

I hung my head in sorrow. "No, Maramal. I have broken _his_ heart." I thought of the letter that Vilkas had written to me pleading with me to come back to Jorrvaskr to help Farkas.

"Then it is you who will be under the wrath of Mara if you do not rectify this situation," he said gravely.

I looked down at the floor. "I do love him and miss very much."

"Then you know what you must do."

"Yes, Maramal."

I stood up and then went into my room, alone. _I will write a letter to Farkas and tell him how I truly feel. _Vilkas' troubling report on his brother reached into my conscience, squeezing it with guilt, and I knew I had to do something. But I still wasn't sure what that was yet, hence my decision to pour my feelings out into a letter and then waiting to see what would happen. I reached into the end table and got out a roll of paper, quill, and some ink. Unrolling the paper on the table, I stared down at the blank sheet, unable to think of what to write and then I thought, _What am I doing? Maramal's right. I know what I have to do and it certainly isn't this. I know that I need to make things right once and for all. I need to put away this letter-writing nonsense and immediately go back to Jorrvaskr myself._ I put the paper away and reached into the end table again to take out the Amulet of Mara. I examined it closely while a warm and good feeling seeped into me. _Farkas truly loves me,_ I realized. _And I truly love him. I may never be happy with myself but he is perfectly fine with the way I am. And I will love him even more for that. I'm going to go back to Whiterun and ask him to marry me. Then, we will live a quiet life together and perhaps I will be cured._ I put the amulet around my neck, gathered my things, and went into the main sanctuary.

Upon seeing me carrying so many things, Maramal asked me, "Where are you going?"

"Back to Whiterun," I answered. "Back to him."

"Bless you, my child," he said to me, smiling. "So…you're leaving us?"

"Only for a little while," I answered as a smile came to my face. "When I return, I will bring my love with me so that we can have a proper ceremony under Mara's watch."

"I will pray for your quick return. But before you go, please allow me to give you your pay."

"Alright." I then waited as Maramal disappeared into another room and reappeared, carrying a small sack. He handed it to me. "May Mara watch your steps and provide you with kind and loving words."

"Thank you, Maramal," I said and left the temple. "Please give my regards to Dinya Balu and Briehl."

"I shall. Farewell."

I then left the temple with all of my things in tow and opened up the sack to examine the gold that Maramal had given me. In all, it totaled 2000 septims…_2000 septims! That's the most I have ever been paid for a job_! As I exited the Riften gates, I decided to walk over to the stables and ask the owner there for a horse. The road to Whiterun was long and treacherous and I didn't think I wanted to ever go on it on foot again. The stable owner, Hofgrir, offered me a dappled, gray horse for 1000 septims so I went ahead and gave him half of the money in my sack and the horse was mine. As he helped me onto the horse, I felt my heart fill with a new resolve and I looked forward to making things right with everyone back at Jorrvaskr. How I missed Aela and her big-sisterly manner towards me and the other girls. I even found myself missing Vilkas and his puffed up, prideful mannerisms. But most of all, I missed Farkas and his handsome, friendly face. As Hofgrir saw me off on my new horse, I could already see myself falling into Farkas' strong arms and feeling the incredible warmth of his embrace. The thought brought a smile to my face. And with that, I was off on my long trek back to Whiterun.


	7. Chapter 7

Even on horseback, it still took me two days to get to Whiterun, for I took the slightly less treacherous road northwest, passing north around the Throat of the World. I spent the night in Ivarstead on the way. When I arrived in Whiterun, it was in the middle of the afternoon. It was sunny and calm, and I felt my spirits soar upon entering the familiar, bustling city. I bought myself a pretty new green and blue tunic from one of the merchants in the center of the Plains District. Putting it on, I made sure that my Amulet of Mara was showing, and then I headed straight up the two sets of steps to Jorrvaskr. The huge building seemed to welcome me back with its old, grand stature and trim. I took a deep breath before I opened up the heavy double doors and stepped in. Immediately, I saw Aela standing in her favorite spot in front of the door. She turned around to look at me, saying, "And who might you b-" and her eyes went wide. "_Roxanne?_"

"Aela!" I cried, smiling widely.

A big smile came to her face, too, and she exclaimed, "I can't believe it. You're back!" She then ran up to me and gathered me up in a huge hug. Then, she said excitedly, "Come with me. The others are out back!" Aela said to me and led me to the patio. "They'll all be so happy to see you!" As she led me across the great hall to the other side of it, I saw that the place hadn't changed a bit. The place still smelled like old wood, mead, and sweat. The giant hearth fire was smoldering, chairs were halfway pushed in to the tables, and cups were left out. We opened the doors and stepped out onto the patio. "Hey guys, look who's here!" Aela shouted. Everyone who was out there stopped what they were doing and looked up. Eyes went wide and faces lit up as each person came running up to me to exchange greetings and hugs. I saw Vilkas, Njada, Ria, Torvar, and Athis again. However, there was one additional woman wearing leather and fur armor whom I didn't recognize.

"Hello, I'm Kili," the tall, brunette Nord woman said.

"Kili joined our ranks about a week ago," Aela explained. "Since then, she has proven herself to be a very strong hunter. Kili, this is Roxanne, our Harbinger."

"I've heard so much about you!" she said warmly, taking my hand. "It is an honor to finally meet you face-to-face."

"And it is mine to personally welcome you as our newest member," I said just as warmly. "I hope you have come to see everyone as family just as I have."

"Oh, yes," she said, nodding her head emphatically.

I smiled and then looked back at the rest of my "old" family. Immediately, though, my smile began to fade because there was still one person whom I hadn't greeted yet. And he didn't appear to be around. "Where's Farkas?" I blurted out.

Nobody spoke at first and their expressions turned grim. I saw Vilkas look down at the ground and give a sigh. "He's not here. He's been gone for three days."

"Gone? For three days?" I questioned with concern. "Where has he gone?"

Vilkas shook his head. "I do not know. But he has been doing this ever since…since you left."

I stared at him, puzzled.

He said nothing more at first, appearing to think something over before finally saying, "Perhaps it would be best if you and I talked this over alone." He then gave everyone around us a knowing look and everyone took it as a signal to go back inside, which they did.

With me and Vilkas finally alone on the patio, he began pacing back and forth in front of me. I bit my lip, wondering if he was unhappy with me or just unhappy about the situation. Finally, he spoke in a stern voice, "I'm not going to ask you why you left us, nor why it was so abrupt."

I swallowed the lump that was beginning to form in my throat and watched him expectantly.

He stopped pacing and looked at me. "But I am glad that you have finally decided to return to us."

"I got your letter," I said. "Can you please tell me what's going on with Farkas?"

"I was going to ask you that same question. Perhaps…I should tell you what happened when you left Jorrvaskr that day."

I nodded and walked towards him, thinking that it would be best to sit down. We sat on the steps.

"When we found that note that you left behind, we were all very saddened," he began.

"I'm sorry, Vilkas," I apologized.

He went on. "As you can imagine, we were all overcome with shock at first." He then looked down at the ground, frowning. "But my brother, he seemed to take it the hardest. He…he…"

"What?"

"…He went mad."

"…Mad…?"

"He went…insane. I have never seen such rage expressed by him in a very long time. He…he used his beast form."

"Oh, no…"

"It was chaos. I thought he was going to murder us all but he didn't, thank the gods. He ran out the door and jumped over the fence, running away from the town and heading for the mountains. I had no choice but to go out and pursue him. I searched in the eastern foothills for hours until the next morning, when I finally found him, passed out in the bushes. He was back in his human form but he was in bad shape. I finally brought him back and nursed him back to health. He fully recovered…but after that he wasn't the same."

"What do you mean?"

"From that day on, he was almost like a different person. He would leave Jorrvaskr for hours at a time, sometimes days. And he would almost always come back drunk and out of control. He became slack with his training. None of us had any idea what had suddenly come over him, and the only thing I could think of was that it somehow had to do with your leaving Jorrvaskr. That is why I appealed to you for help. My brother left town three days ago and has yet to return. This is the longest he's been gone from us…and I'm worried. This behavior is absolutely out of character for him, Roxanne. I don't know what to make of it."

_That _does_ sound out of character for Farkas,_ I agreed. _I can't believe it. He was that upset over my leaving?_ An overwhelming feeling of dread and guilt then washed over me at that moment as I thought about the day that I left him standing there in the courtyard after he had poured out his heart to me. It was then that Vilkas' words truly hit home for me and I couldn't help but feel solely responsible for what he was telling me about his brother. I suddenly felt very sick to my stomach.

"I hope he comes back to us soon," Vilkas went on. "When he does, I want you to talk to him."

"I will," I promised, unable to shake away the knot that was forming in my stomach.

"For now, I think you have work to do. You should work with the new lass, Kili," he said. "She has been wanting to train with you."

"Alright, I will talk to her," I agreed. We both got up. Before I turned around to go inside, though, I said, "Vilkas?"

"Yes?"

"I just want to say…that it's good to be back."

"Mmhmm," he muttered. "Well, it's good to have you back. I will let bygones be bygones."

I assumed he was referring to the sudden vacating of my post as Harbinger. "I will continue to serve as your leader and ask the gods to grant me wisdom. I have missed Jorrvaskr greatly."

"Aye, 'tis a hall of many good people and memories," he agreed.

I left him and went back inside. Before I had time to process everything that was told to me by Vilkas, I heard an earnest voice say, "Harbinger?"

I looked up to see the newcomer, Kili, standing before me. "I would like to practice archery with you. Now, if you don't mind."

"Yes, it will be fine," I nodded and accompanied her into the courtyard. Vilkas was still out here, and was currently sitting at the table in the middle of the patio. Soon, everyone else came back outside.

As we got the bows and arrows ready, Kili and I talked and got to know each other a bit. She had a soft-spoken voice but not in a timid way, and she was very agile with bows. I also found out that her initiation into the Circle was quite an interesting event. Vilkas and Aela were getting ready to initiate her when they found out that she already had the beastblood; it was bestowed upon her by Lord Hircine, Daedric Prince of the hunt, before she even joined the Companions.

"Vilkas thought I was making it up," she said incredulously. "So I showed him my ring here." She then proceeded to show me the silver ring on her right hand, with the head of a wolf on it. "Lord Hircine had given it to me as well as this armor for fulfilling one of his…requests. Then in order to prove myself further, Vilkas and Aela took me to a fort where I used my beast power to kill some Silver Hands."

"Wow, you sound like a formidable warrior," I commented. "I am glad to have you among our ranks."

"I'm so honored to be part of this family now," she said.

She then proceeded to tell me about her past and how she ended up in Skyrim. She harbored a deep hatred for the Thalmor because they had killed her family. I then told her a little about my past, as well, and when I revealed to her that my Khajiit self wasn't my true form, she said, "I know. Aela told me. I am so sorry."

"There is a priest in Riften who thinks he can cure me," I explained.

"How?" she asked.

"Well…it won't be easy, but he says that he can perform the ritual when I get married," I said.

"Oh! Yes, I noticed the amulet you're wearing. Have you found anyone yet?"

"Yes…sort of. I mean, I haven't talked to him yet."

"Who is it?"

I grinned sheepishly and sighed. "Well, it's…Farkas."

"_Farkas?_" she questioned, shocked. "Vilkas' brother?"

"Yes," I nodded.

She shrugged, not appearing very impressed. "Well…I…"

"What? Is something the matter?"

"Well…I mean, forgive me for being so blunt but he's not exactly…the smartest of the bunch."

That did it. Feeling enraged for hearing Farkas being insulted, I nearly yelled out a curse in reply, but remembering that I was the Harbinger and that this was my Shield-Sister, I held my tongue, took a deep breath, and said as evenly as I could, "That's not what's important to me."

"I'm sorry," she said, noticing my annoyed expression despite my trying to hide it.

"I think we've done enough training for now," I said in a strained voice. "I will take my leave."

"Alright. Thank you, Harbinger," she said sincerely.

I mustered a smile and went back inside, where I was alone. I felt so flustered hearing about Farkas, but soon that feeling was replaced by worry and dread. Vilkas said that Farkas had been gone from Jorrvaskr for three days and that it was the longest he had ever been gone. There didn't seem to be any knowledge about _where_ he had gone, though, so he could be anywhere in Skyrim. And that's what worried me the most. With all of the dragons and evil lurking around in the wilderness, his chances of survival alone out there were not all that good, especially in his current mental and emotional state. The thought ate at me and made my insides churn.

I didn't have time to think about it any further for everyone had come back inside. It was time to have dinner, and I sat next to Aela at the end of the table, as we all ate our food in relative silence. I could tell that everyone had at least some concern for Farkas in their minds.

After dinner, I got up from the table and headed downstairs with some of the others.

"Your room is as you left it before," Aela told me solemnly. "It has been vacant all this time."

"Thank you, Aela," I said, unsure of what else to say. "I'm going to retire now. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," she replied.

I went into my room at the end of the hallway and closed the door behind me. Then, I began putting away all of my things, feeling like I had come home at last. _Home…Jorrvaskr _did_ almost feel like home. And I came here because…it was where my heart led me._ But now I no longer knew what to do next. _If Farkas doesn't return anytime soon then…what am I going to do?_ Overcome with sadness and helplessness, I sat down in a chair and wept…or at least that's what I felt like doing emotionally. But my body was so exhausted that no tears came. Feeling frustrated on top of all of my other emotions, I went into my bedroom and threw myself on the bed face down, wanting to shut out the whole world.

Suddenly, I was awakened by a knock on my door. Lifting my head up, I realized that I had fallen asleep. _What time is it? How long have I been asleep?_ I wondered, as I quickly got up and opened the door. Kili was standing there with a gentle expression on her face. "Kili! What brings you here? What time is it?" I didn't mean for the latter question to sound like she was unwelcome but rather I really did want to know.

"It's midnight," she replied. "If this is too late, then I won't bother."

"Oh, no! Please…come in," I insisted, letting her in and shutting the door. "So your beastblood keeping you awake, too, huh?"

"You know me well already, Harbinger," she said.

"You can call me Roxanne," I urged. "Please, have a seat."

We both sat down at the same table where I once had my conversations with Kodlak, the previous Harbinger. It felt as if things had come full circle.

"I came here because I wanted to apologize to you," she started.

"Apologize? Why?" I asked.

"I didn't mean for my comment about Farkas today to offend you," she explained. "He…obviously means very much to you and I'm sorry for saying that about him in front of you."

"Oh, Kili," I said in a dismissive manner, beginning to feel sheepish myself for having felt angry with her. "Don't feel so bad. I just…I've just been so worried about him. The news about his sudden behavior has just been unsettling."

"I know, it must be." She looked at me earnestly and began, "I don't know Farkas that well myself, I must say. He's hardly ever around here."

I nodded, remembering what Vilkas had said about him being gone all of the time.

"But when he is," she went on, "he's usually angry and cold with everybody."

I winced inwardly and I said, "That doesn't sound like him at all. He's usually the friendliest person around here."

"I know. I mean, at least that's what everyone's been telling me, anyway. I don't know what he used to be like. But I see why everyone's so troubled. I see the worry in Vilkas' face. He is really disturbed by his brother's behavior but he's unable to do anything about it." Suddenly, she looked up at me and said, "I'm so sorry. I've gone off and spoke ill of Farkas again. I didn't come here to do that."

"That's okay." I paused, feeling like I needed to clarify some things. "I hope you can come to me and talk about whatever's on your mind. I hope that you will see me as a sister, just as you do with the other women."

"I hope I do, too," she agreed.

"Then allow me to tell you what happened…and what I have done." I then told her about how I met Farkas when I first joined the Companions. I described to her what he was like back then and how friendly and sweet he was towards me and how close we got to each other, and how I felt my fondness for him grow into love. Finally, I told her about the day that I left him, after he had confessed his love for me and how I had rejected him, saying that it was because I was so ashamed of my Khajiit identity that I couldn't accept his love. "And that is why, I feel extremely guilty because I rejected him. He poured out his heart to me and I just…spat on it and left him."

"So is this why he's been acting this way?" Kili asked.

"I have no doubt that it has something to do with it," I said sadly. "And he's been hurt before. I can't imagine what feeling rejection twice must feel like."

"I can understand why you feel guilty," she remarked. "It must've took a lot of courage for you to come back though and try to make things right."

"Thank you. I'm afraid it may be all in vain, though."

"What will you do if he doesn't come back?"

I shook my head. "I don't know."

She gave me a sympathetic look and I was at a loss for more words. As I thought of some other subjects to talk about, we were interrupted by the sound of crashing furniture from the other side of the building. The noise gave both me and Kili a start. "What was that?" I asked. Just then, the crashes were followed by a loud THUMP. Kili and I exchanged puzzled glances.

Immediately my thoughts went back to the day when Jorrvaskr was attacked, and I picked up a couple of daggers and handed one to Kili as we both got up and ran out of the room. I heard whispers at the other end of the hallway and even though it was totally dark I could see with my Night Eye Ria, Njada, and Athis, all gathered around in confusion. I saw Aela and Vilkas emerge from their rooms with puzzled looks on their faces, too. They were both carrying candles and daggers.

"Did you hear that?" Aela asked me and Kili.

"Yes, where did it come from?" I questioned.

"Over there," Vilkas said and pointed to the other end of the hallway. As we walked over to the other Companions, Ria ran up to us and whispered, "Did you hear that crash? It came from upstairs!"

"Upstairs?" Vilkas questioned. His eyes narrowed and I could tell that he was thinking the same thing that I had about Jorrvaskr being attacked. "Wait here," he urged. "The four of us will go up there and take a look. If it's those damn Silver Hands coming to take Jorrvaskr then we will make sure that they regret coming here."

"We'll be here," Ria said as she went back to Njada and Athis.

Vilkas, Kili, Aela, and I then busted open the double doors and charged upstairs, yelling. But as we spread out into the middle of the room and looked around us in the dark hall, barely lit by the moonlight coming in through the windows, we saw that it was completely quiet and deserted.

"Who's there?" Aela yelled into the darkness, and then I heard her gasp.

"What is it?" Vilkas asked as we all gathered around her.

Just then, I saw what she saw, too. There was an overturned chair and some plates on the floor near the dinner table and next to it, we could see the outline of a body lying on the floor.

As we drew closer, Vilkas held out his candle towards the body and we began huddling around it to examine it. The light revealed a large man with long, dark hair, beard, and a weathered and scarred face- a very familiar face.

"Farkas!" Vilkas and I cried nearly simultaneously, as I felt my heart give a start.

"Impossible!" Aela exclaimed.

The man that lay passed out on the floor before our eyes was indeed Farkas. And the smell of wine was heavy on him. I immediately put my hands on him and saw that he was warm.

"What happened to him?" Kili asked.

"He's passed out drunk again," Aela proclaimed, shining her candle over him, too.

"Thank the gods he made it back here. Help me get him to bed," Vilkas ordered.

The four of us then proceeded to lift him off the floor by his head, body, and legs and carry him downstairs.

"See what I mean?" Aela asked me, holding his torso up.

I sighed. Kili and I had him by the legs. _Oh, Farkas..._ Despite the circumstances, I just felt relieved to see him again.

We opened the doors downstairs and carried Farkas into the living quarters. The others gasped and exclamations of surprise filled the hall.

"Farkas!"

"He's back!"

"What happened to him?"

"He's passed out?"

Vilkas, Aela, Kili, and I carried Farkas into the men's quarters and set him gently onto one of the beds. We didn't feel like carrying him all the way to his room at the end of the hallway.

I picked up a wool blanket from one of the other beds and covered him with it. As I crouched near him, I put my hand on his shoulder, calling, "Farkas…Farkas…"

The others looked at me as I did this and Vilkas said, "Come to bed, Roxanne. He'll be like that until morning. Then you can talk."

I hesitated before finally standing up, not wanting to leave his side. But Vilkas was right. I would have to wait until morning before I could talk to him. As everyone else, I was just so glad to see him again. I got up and turned around to follow the others, but before I even got out of the room, I heard a groan from behind me.

I turned back around to see Farkas stirring in the bed.

"Wake up, brother," Vilkas spoke and came back to the bedside.

Farkas slowly opened his eyes. "Unnnggh," he groaned and looked up at Vilkas. His eyes then turned towards me. His eyes widened as his gaze intensified. "Roxanne?" he spoke weakly.

I felt my heart skip a beat as I uttered, "Farkas…" and fell to my knees by his bed, bringing myself closer to him.

He just stared me in surprise and didn't say anything.

"If it is alright Roxanne, I will leave the two of you alone," Vilkas said behind me.

"Alright, Vilkas," I said to him, and I heard his footsteps depart as well as the others' and the door close behind me. Farkas and I were all alone. His eyes looked intently at mine. "I must be dreaming."

"No, I'm really here," I said tenderly.

"Here to stay?" he asked.

"Yes…I am here to stay," I finally said.

"I think I've had too much to drink. I'm still dreaming."

"No, Farkas, this is real. You are not dreaming."

His expression then suddenly darkened and he turned his gaze away from me, saying, "Then leave me."

I felt a little sting in my heart. His mood had seemed to change all of a sudden, and he no longer acknowledged me. "Very well," I said resignedly and immediately got up to leave the room. As I walked out, some grim thoughts passed through my mind. _I thought he would be so happy to see me…now I'm not so sure if he was. Why did he act like that towards me? What is going through his mind? Does he…no longer love me?_ I nearly sulked when I saw Vilkas standing in the dark hallway, holding his candle. "So?" he asked expectantly at me.

I sighed, not sure what to say. "He'll be better in the morning," I finally said.

"Miss Roxanne…I am very worried about him," he confessed.

"So am I," I admitted.

"But if you think he'll better tomorrow, then we shall see," he said. "Goodnight, Roxanne."

"Goodnight, Vilkas," I replied, and went back to my room. I climbed into my bed and tried to calm my nerves, for they were on edge this whole day. I had been waiting for this moment for a long time- to see Farkas again and to speak to him. But when I saw him at last, our meeting didn't go as I expected at all. _He's just extremely inebriated and out of it,_ I told myself. _Tomorrow morning, hopefully he will feel better and I can finally talk to him. And things between us can be good again._

The next day was a nerve-wracking one for me, as I awaited Farkas' recovery from the night before to finally see him and talk to him when he was in a better state. He finally surprised us all by showing up during lunchtime. He emerged from the living quarters, having completely recovered and looking like his former self- alert and stout. He sat down between Vilkas and Torvar and chatted with both of them like nothing had happened. I could tell by everyone's expressions that they were pleasantly shocked by his sudden recovery but nobody decided to question him or make a big deal out of it.

After lunch, we all went out for our physical training, Farkas included. I watched him spar with Vilkas for a while as I worked on my archery, and when they were done and Vilkas went off to do something else, I decided to approach Farkas. "Your strength has returned," I said with a big smile. "I'm glad."

"It was nothing," he said in a nonchalant manner. "Just had a little too much fun last night, I guess."

"Well, I'm just glad that you're feeling better," I said.

"Thanks," he replied coolly. He then leaned his back against the back wall of the courtyard and crossed his arms casually, not saying anything more. He then looked off into the distance, completely ignoring me. Needless to say, I felt a little hurt by this gesture. _This isn't the same Farkas I remember. What happened? _I decided not to give up yet, though.

I spoke, "Listen…I'm sorry if I upset you by leaving so suddenly. I just want you to know that I came back because I missed everyone, and that I am here to stay."

"Good," he simply said, not looking at me.

"The time that I spent in Riften…all I could think of was you guys. After all, you are all like family to me. I…I'm just really glad to be back here."

"That's good," he said, giving a slight shrug.

_Oh dear, this isn't going anywhere,_ I thought. "Farkas…is everything alright?"

Still not looking directly at me, he answered, "Yeah. I'm just getting tired of standing around here talking. Thinking I need to train some more."

_Hmph, why are you being like this?_ "Then I shall leave you," I said resignedly and walked away from him. I walked up to the patio and took a seat at the bench in front of the doors. I tried not to show it on my face but inside I felt as if I was about to burst into a million pieces.

"So did you talk to him?" I heard Kili say as she approached me and sat down next to me.

I watched Farkas from afar as I replied calmly, "Yes, but he seems to have a lot on his mind."

"You didn't ask him to marry you yet?"

"No." I looked down at my hands, thinking that the very prospect felt so distant now.

"It looks like he's glad to see you back, though. Usually by now, he would be gone again to go get drunk at the Bannered Mare or off somewhere else. Now he actually seems to be acting normally."

"Perhaps." But it didn't seem so to me. Not once did I see his familiar smile or hear him crack a joke. His whole personality seemed to have undergone a transformation. The old, playfulness and warmth were replaced by coldness and bitterness.

During dinner that evening, Aela gave a toast to me, announcing, "Here's to Roxanne, our Harbinger, who has come back to us safe and sound. May we continue to serve loyally unto her and to each other under her guidance."

Everyone cheered and toasted and I went along with the gesture, as well, but I didn't feel like my heart was fully into it.

After dinner, I went downstairs and Ria approached me, saying, "Harbinger, I need to tell you something."

"Yes?" I asked.

"When you get a chance, please talk to Farkas. I believe he needs your help."

_What?_ "Oh?" I said, my ears suddenly perking up. "What is it that he needs from me?"

"Well, it's just that he's been talking about wanting to fight a dragon," she explained. "There's no one here at Jorrvaskr who has experience fighting a dragon except for you. And now that you're back, you can take him with you to go find one!"

"Oh," I answered disappointedly. _That was all he wanted?_

"_Are you kidding me?_" I heard Njada suddenly shriek, interrupting our conversation. She walked up to us. "Take _that_ crazy lunatic with her? You haven't been paying any attention at all for the past several days have you, Ria? Farkas _hates_ Roxanne right now. He wants to _kill_ her for what she did!"

_What in the world?_ "I don't understand," I said.

Putting a hand on her hip, Njada turned to me and said, "I'm sorry, Harbinger. I was mad that you left us, too, but I don't hold a grudge over it anymore. _I_ forgive you. However, I can't say the same about Farkas, though. He made such a big deal when you left. I mean, he just lost it and nearly took it out on us!"

"So I heard," I sighed.

"Anyway, he's probably _still_ very mad about you leaving and if I were you I would stay away from him. I don't know what kind of rage he has all pent up inside but I wouldn't trust a man with physical power like that. _I_ wouldn't go out into the wilderness alone with him."

"Njada!" Ria cried. "Are you saying that Farkas would really try to hurt her?"

"I'm saying that he would kill her if he had the chance. He did it before."

"What do you mean?"

"He once killed the woman he loved because she cheated on him."

"You made that up!"

"I heard that story from Vilkas. Ask him if you don't believe me."

"Ugh!" Ria said in disgust and shock. "Roxanne, you don't believe that do you?"

Until now, I was just trying to process this entire conversation that was taking place. I gulped and responded, "No, I don't." But I knew it was a big, fat lie.

Njada huffed and said, "Fine. Don't believe me. But I'm telling you, that guy is like a ferocious, caged-up animal. He doesn't know how to control his anger like Vilkas does. All he knows is to attack anything that crosses him. And all I'm saying is if you do, you'll end up like that woman." She then walked off.

Ria shook her head and said, "Don't listen to her. She doesn't know what she's talking about. Farkas isn't like that."

"You might be right," I said, but nonetheless feeling very unsettled by Njada's words.

As I lay in bed that night, I thought about Farkas. _He's probably outside right now, training in the courtyard or taking a walk in the moonlight. And before, I would've been out there with him and we would've been having one of our delightful, fun conversations right now. So why am I not out there now, then? Why am I not trying to talk to him again, to probe him, and to see if I can draw that old, warm and friendly side of him back?_ I thought back to our last conversation and how unfruitful it was- how cold and steely he acted towards me and I immediately thought back to Njada's words.

_What if she was right? What if Farkas actually hates me?_

_He has every right to. I basically rejected his love for me._

_Then is it true what Njada also said? That he would kill me if he had the chance?_

I thought back to what Kodlak had told me a long time ago. When Farkas had discovered that his ex-fiancee, Jorielle, was cheating on him, he killed her. In his fit of boiling rage and anger over such a betrayal, he _killed_ her. He had acted immediately on his emotions. _And he did the very same thing when he found my goodbye note,_ I remembered from what Vilkas told me. He activated his beastblood and nearly tore the whole Jorrvaskr apart. "It was chaos. I thought he was going to murder us all," Vilkas had said.

I pulled the bedcovers more tightly up around me. _He _is_ capable of murdering me,_ I thought, feeling a chill run down my spine. _And he has every motive to do so. I _am_ going to have to watch myself around him._ Suddenly feeling paranoid, I immediately got out of my bed, reached into the cabinets and pulled out an iron dagger. I took it with me back into bed and hid it under my pillow. I then fell into a light and fitful sleep.

The next day, I could barely touch my breakfast because my stomach felt like it was doing backflips nonstop. I kept eyeing Farkas the whole time, wondering when and where he would try to strike at me and kill me. _Would he do it in front of everybody at Jorrvaskr? Or would he try to be discreet about it and do it in the middle of the night when I was sleeping?_ The thought made me shudder, and I was no longer sure if I should even try talking to him anymore. Njada had warned me to stay away from him completely.

After I ate what I could of breakfast, I went back downstairs and to my room, wondering how I was going to protect myself from Farkas when he finally unleashed his rage upon me. I looked at the large chest on the floor near the door and thought, _I'll push that in front of the door before I go to bed every night, using it as a barrier._ I then looked at the steel dagger that was on display in one of Kodlak's old glass cases, and I opened it up and took it out, hiding it away somewhere else. Then, I thought, _If need be, I can use my beast form to protect myself, especially if he uses his on me._ As I paced wildly about the room, trying to think of ways to thwart Farkas' imaginary plans to kill me, I finally felt like I was going nuts. I pounded my fists on the table. _What am I doing? Am I really going to believe Njada and her rumors? Do I really believe that Farkas is out to get me?_ As if to answer my questions, I heard a knock on my door. I jumped about a mile and hesitated for a full second before looking wildly about the room. _Oh, no! Is that…him? He's going to kill me _now_!_

"Roxanne? May I speak with you?" a voice from the other side of the door said. It was Vilkas.

I let out a sigh of relief, thinking, _I _am_ going nuts._ I immediately went to the door and opened it. "Please come in."

Vilkas stepped in and I closed the door behind him. "May I…sit down?" he asked.

"Yes, you may," I said, and watched as he sat down at the table. I decided to sit down also, taking my seat across the table from him. He appeared very troubled.

"Forgive me," he started. "I usually don't concern myself with such affairs but since this involves my brother and his very well-being, I am compelled to find some answers to my burning questions."

"Very well," I replied. "Please tell me what's on your mind."

"Have you already spoken with him?" he asked me.

"Yes…but he…he doesn't seem to want to talk about what happened," I said.

"There is something that has him deeply upset," he stated. "I don't know what it could be, but I think there is more to it than just being upset over losing his Harbinger and Shield-Sister for a time. Roxanne, please tell me…is there something that happened between you and him before you left?"

I looked morosely at the ground, knowing exactly what the answer was. _What am I to say to Vilkas, though? That he professed his love for me and then tried to kiss me, but I ran away? That is…pretty much it._

"Roxanne?"

"He…told me he was in love with me," I simply stated wistfully.

Vilkas looked at me thoughtfully for a few seconds before saying, "I suspected…something of that nature was going on. What did you say to him?"

"I said…that I couldn't do it- couldn't be with him," I explained.

"Why not?"

"Because..." I started, feeling my chin quiver. "Because I was _ashamed_ of myself!" I finally choked out and broke down into tears.

I just sat there and cried quietly for several seconds, unable to speak. Finally, Vilkas said with realization in his voice, "Then my brother is suffering from a broken heart."

"I know," I choked out, wiping my tears. "And I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do. I was scared."

"He's had his heart broken before," he said. "He was nearly undone by that experience."

"I know, I know," I sobbed. "Vilkas, is there _anything_ I can do to make it up to him?" I looked at him through tear-streaked eyes.

Vilkas' eyes appeared like daggers before me as he studied me. He then shook his head sadly. "He will need time." He then looked away from me at the floor and said darkly, "I'm afraid that you will have to just…leave him alone from now on."

My heart sank. _Leave him alone? That's _not_ what I wanted to hear._

Vilkas then stood up and looked down at me with his dagger-like eyes again. "Do not do him anymore favors," he advised. "I love my brother. I cannot bear to see him be used by women anymore." He then opened the door and walked out of the room, leaving me to sulk in my own sorrows.

I eventually went back upstairs but it was beginning to be one of my toughest days at Jorrvaskr. I avoided Farkas and Vilkas all morning and all during lunch. I started getting the sense that Vilkas disliked me now and held me in contempt…and I didn't blame him. He and his brother were very close, and I could tell that they were very protective of each other. No matter what I did or what I said now to attempt to rectify the situation, I would be known for a long time by Vilkas as the terrible woman who broke his brother's heart.

After lunch, we all went outside for training. Kili and practiced our archery and Farkas sparred with Torvar nearby with swords. I tried not to mind him but my nerves were so shot that I did poorly with my arching.

At one point, Kili went to go talk to Aela and I kept practicing by myself. As I got ready to shoot an arrow, I saw Farkas doubling back from one of Torvar's blows and he nearly clipped me with his body. The wooden bow slipped out of my hands and fell to the ground with a clatter.

"Sorry about that," Farkas uttered as he regained his balance.

I then watched dumbly as he picked up my bow and handed it to me.

"Thank you," I replied uncertainly, meeting his eyes. This time, instead of having a steely coldness like they had not too long ago, they now seemed to have a slight glimmer of warmth and sadness in them. Time seemed to almost stop as I took the bow from him, gazing into his eyes.

He then went back to sparring, and I just stood there like an idiot for a good few seconds. I glanced over at Vilkas, who was on the patio watching the whole ordeal. I could tell that his eyes were on me, as if saying, _You'd better watch yourself. You're on thin ice, sister. _

I shot a bunch more arrows and finally called the training good.

We all then went inside to have dinner and overall it went a little better for me. Afterwards, people began heading downstairs. I was among the last ones to leave the table so when I finally got up and got ready to call it a night, I was caught off guard when Farkas suddenly called out to me, "Harbinger?"

"Yes?" I said, turning around to meet him.

"There's something I need for you to help me with tomorrow if you're not busy."

I quickly glanced about me to see if Vilkas was around. But he had already gone downstairs. "What's that?"

"I want you to help me kill a dragon," he said.

"Kill a dragon? Okay," I responded. With that, a little glimmer of hope began to shine. _Maybe he will talk to me and be friendly with me after all._

"I think I know where we can find one, too," he explained. "There's been word about a dragon living on Ancient's Ascent. I want you to accompany me. But I want to do most of the killing myself."

"Okay, I will help you," I said.

"Good," he replied. "Tomorrow after breakfast, we'll leave immediately."

"Alright," I replied.

"Goodnight," he said.

"Goodnight," I answered and then watched as he turned around and went downstairs.

_Wow, what was that all about?_ I wondered. Just then I realized that I was going to be in trouble with Vilkas. Vilkas told me to stay away from his brother, but here I was about to accompany him alone on a dragon hunt. I thought about what I was going to do as I went downstairs, myself. _I'll have to tell Farkas. I'll have to tell him that I can't go with him._

_Wait a minute, why am I caving to the whims of Vilkas, anyway?_ I asked myself, pausing on the stairs. _I'm the Harbinger. He has no right to tell me who I can and can't be around._ With an air of defiance, I descended into the living quarters and retired to my room. Blowing out the candle and settling into my bed covers and laying my head on my pillow, I slipped my hand under it to get comfortable, and found myself touching something cold and metallic.

I brought my hand out quickly in surprise, confused for a split second, but then immediately remembered that I had put a dagger there the night before. And then it hit me. _You moronic, idiotic, fool!_ I scolded myself. _Here you are getting all excited about accompanying Farkas on a mission, and you don't even see what is clearly going to happen! He doesn't want to go out and kill a dragon; he wants to kill _you_! Ancient's Ascent is far to the south, far from villages and towns- the dragon being there is of no importance. It's just the perfect cover to get you out into the wilderness and dispose of you quickly and discreetly!_ My heart immediately began pounding in my ears as I held the dagger under the pillow tightly in my hand. I was now becoming a wreck. Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep at all, but all through the night I had visions of being murdered by my Shield-Brother, Farkas- whether they were dreams or waking nightmares, I couldn't tell.

After a harrowing night of being tortured by these nightmarish visions, I had somehow found my way to a sense of peace in the morning. It was a long and hellish journey, but by the time I got dressed to go upstairs and have breakfast, I began coming to terms with what I was about to face. What I had done to Farkas was a great wrong, rejecting him and breaking his heart. As it stood, I did not deserve him. If he was so angry at me (which was justified) that he wanted to kill me, then so be it. I had always believed that people have to pay for their wrongdoings, and I knew that I couldn't go and make myself an exception. I was going to accept my punishment, which to me now, seemed just. I was ready.


	8. Chapter 8

Knowing that I was going to die by my Shield-Brother's hand today, I went through breakfast as mellow and level-headed as I had ever been there at Jorrvaskr. When the mealtime was finally over, I got together my things for the trip and met Farkas outside in front.

"You ready to head to Ancient's Ascent?" he asked me.

"Yes," I replied solemnly. "Although…I should let you know now that Vilkas does not approve of me going with you. He may be upset with you when you get back."

"_Vilkas_? Why would he be upset? If Vilkas has a problem then I will deal with him when we get back. For now, consider this Companions business. There's no one else I can take with me on this mission."

I sighed, figuring that it would be useless to tell him what Vilkas had told me. "Okay. Well, let's go."

As I followed Farkas out of Whiterun, he said, "We will probably get there by dark so I'm just letting you know that now."

_Yes. The perfect time of day to get this…business…accomplished,_ I thought morosely. I had brought a hide tent and hide blanket just in case but it was beginning to appear as if I wouldn't need them.

We indeed did get to Ancient's Ascent when the sun had already descended since we went on foot. I did not say much to him on the journey there except to just answer questions from him about dragons. Morbid thoughts kept running through my mind. I could not make them go away. _Would he do away with me before or after we killed the dragon? Will he transform into a werewolf and tear me apart, just as he had done to Jorielle?_ As we neared the crest where the dragon was, I saw it long before Farkas did. To the untrained eye, the body of a sleeping dragon on top of a rocky peak or crest just seems to blend in with the rest of the mountain profile. I pointed it out to him and then whispered, "Okay. We'll have to wake him up. The best way to do this is to sneak up on him and let go with one of your arrows. He will then awaken and you can shoot him with some more arrows. Soon, he will land, and you can hit him a few times with your sword."

"Got it," he responded.

I then looked at him with a sad look. _Now this is goodbye_. "Do what you must do."

"Aren't you coming, too?" he said.

"What?" I questioned, confused for a second. _You're not going to kill me yet, then?_

"I want you to help me fight the dragon, too," he said. "Why don't you shoot the first arrow? I'm afraid I might miss. I'll take it from there."

"Well, okay," I replied, and stepped out in front of him. He followed my gesture to be very quiet and to lay low, as I showed him how to sneak up as close as possible so that we could get our first shot while the dragon was still asleep. I got up to a boulder near the crest with Farkas following closely behind me and looked up. The dragon's back was to us. I ducked down and Farkas followed suit. I then slung an arrow on my Dwarven Bow of Frost, pulled it back as hard as I could and aimed right at the dragon's back. When I thought I had the right spot, I let go. The arrow left with a whoosh and I didn't hear it hit the dragon, but suddenly, the dragon gave a twitch and lifted its wings, letting out a roar.

"It's hit! Now it's awake!" I cried. "Get ready!"

Farkas readied his bow and we watched as the dragon flapped its wings and jumped up into the air. It circled around the crest before it finally saw us.

"He's going to attack!" I cried.

The dragon swooped down at us and blew his mighty fire breath at us, burning us both.

"Yeeaurgh!" Farkas cried out in pain, doubling over.

"Argh!" I cried, as the fire burned my skin. I tried to collect myself and then shouted to Farkas, "Be on the alert! Soon he will land or hover and you can get a good shot!"

Sure enough, the dragon landed right in front of Farkas and tried to bite him. But he was able to dodge it and shoot a few good arrows right at the dragon's head before the dragon flew up into the air. It repeated a cycle of circling us and landing, as I tried to stay out of the way. When the dragon landed for the third time, Farkas was able to get out his sword and slash at it. The dragon's beak clipped him and he fell back in pain, but despite the blow he came forward with a slash at the dragon. Critically hurt, the dragon flapped its wings frantically but didn't come off the ground. I saw Farkas run to one side of him and plunge his greatsword into the dragon's torso. It let out a loud, wailing roar before its head dropped to the ground and its wings followed suit, lying limply.

"Stand back!" I warned, as he was standing too close to it. I backed away and he did the same. The dragon's body started going up in flames, and as I expected, a great wind whipped up and I was suddenly overcome with power. When the wind died down, I saw that Farkas was doubled over on his knees, clutching his arm. "Gah…" he uttered.

"Farkas!" I cried. "Are you alright?" I ran up to him and crouched down in front of him. As I studied him, I noticed a bleeding gash on his right shoulder. I gasped. "Your shoulder!"

"His teeth grazed me," he spoke through clenched teeth. He put his hand right on the wound and suddenly cried out in agony.

"Farkas!" I cried again. "Come on. We have to head back now. You need to be healed!"

"We're…never going to make it," he told me, wincing. "We'll have to camp out…here tonight."

I looked all around us. We were still near the crest, and I didn't feel comfortable sticking around here for too long. "Okay, but let's find another spot, though. We cannot set up camp here." I helped him stand up, and I took out my white, fabric cowl, tearing it into three strips. I wrapped it around his arm and said, "There," I assured. "You'll be alright. I have some ingredients to make Restore Health potion with. Let us find somewhere to camp and I will prepare it for you." It was at this time that I really wished I knew the Restoration spell, Healing Hands.

Together, we left the crest out of sight and walked through the forest. After a short while, we came to a clearing that we decided would be a good place to set up our overnight camp. A small creek ran along one side of it which made it even better. I ordered him to sit down on a rock while I set up both of our hide tents and beds. Once they were up, I told him to lie down in his tent while I prepared the ingredients to alchemize Restore Health, which I had learned to make while I was employed at the Temple of Mara. I pulled out my satchel, mortar and pestle, and found the ingredients that I needed- Blisterwort, Blue Mountain Flower, and the Eye of a Sabre Cat. I blended the Blisterwort and Blue Mountain Flower into the mortar and began grinding it into a fine powder. Finally, I dropped the Sabre Cat Eye into the mix and broke it apart with the pestle. As the juice from the eye mixed with the powder, the whole mixture turned into a liquid, which I poured into my alchemy flask and brought into the tent for Farkas.

"What's that?" he asked me. He was sitting down on his bed roll still holding my makeshift bandage against his shoulder wound.

"This is Restore Health potion," I said. "This should make you better."

"So you know Alchemy?" he asked in amazement.

"A little," I replied. "I've had to make a lot of these when I worked in Riften. Here…lie down."

He obeyed and lie on his back. "Now take your hand away…" I gestured toward his wound and he slowly lifted his hand off of it. The bandage and fur sleeve were soaked through with bright, red blood. I carefully undid the bandage and tore the sleeve away to get at the wound, wiping some of the excess blood from his upper arm. I picked up the potion and said, "Okay. I'm going to pour this potion onto your wound now. It is going to sting initially but you should start to feel better very quickly."

"Okay, make it quick," he urged.

I held the potion steady in my right hand and slowly tipped it. Bluish liquid came pouring out of it and onto the gash on Farkas' shoulder. He cried out in agony when the liquid first touched his wound. I poured the entire bottle onto his wound and then put the empty bottle down. Farkas then watched in amazement as blood stopped flowing from the gash. "Oh…" he uttered in surprise. "It doesn't hurt anymore!"

I smiled. "All better?"

"Yeah," he replied. He sat up and rotated the shoulder for a second before putting his hand on it, looking amazed. He then looked at me and said, "Thank you."

"You're welcome." I then got up and put my alchemy things away in my tent.

We then built a fire and got some meat out to cook. It was then that I began wondering again if Farkas was going to go through with his plan to kill me now that his arm was better. The thought made me a little sad but like I said before, I felt prepared to die by his hand. When the meat was ready, we took it off the fire and sat down on separate boulders, eating it in silence. Farkas wolfed down the meat and before I was even done, asked me, "So tell me how I did against that dragon, Harbinger."

"You fought well," I replied, still munching away on my goat leg. "I'm impressed."

"Thank you."

Another silence fell over our camp as I finished up my meal and wiped my hands off. I looked over at Farkas again and saw him fidgeting with a stick, sticking one end of it into the fire and blowing on it every time it caught a flame. _Is he going to go through with his deed or not?_ I wondered. The suspense was starting to wear at me and I began to get anxious. _Before I die, I at least need to get some answers from him,_ I thought. _At least, maybe I can try appealing to him again and tell him how bad I felt about leaving Jorrvaskr and how sorry I am._ I decided that something had to be said now and that we were going to have to delve into the subject that we were both avoiding up until now.

Clearing my throat, I spoke up, "Farkas?"

"Yeah?" he answered, not lifting his head.

"So are you…still mad at me?" I asked.

"Why would I be mad at you?" he questioned, still not looking in my direction.

_Here we go with the cold shoulder again,_ I thought. "Because I…left you guys so abruptly."

"You had your reasons," he replied casually. "Disagreements. I understand."

_So he's calling what happened between me and him a mere "disagreement," now?_ "Well…I was wrong. I should not have been so quick to leave. I'm really sorry."

"Well, you and I both know that won't happen again."

"No, it will not." With pursed lips, I looked at him as he kept his eyes on the fire, trying to read his thoughts. _He's going to do it now. His words clearly imply that I won't be leaving here alive, tonight. _I sighed. _He's obviously expressing his anger towards me._ Vilkas had said that this was because his heart was broken, but I felt like I couldn't even broach this subject with him anymore. I had every intention coming back to Jorrvaskr to have a long talk with Farkas and make amends. But at this point, I felt like whatever chance I had at doing that may have been forever lost.

Suddenly, he looked up at me. My heart started to pound as I thought, _This is it. Goodbye, world._ But he didn't make a move towards me. I noticed that he wasn't even focused on my eyes.

"Is that an Amulet of Mara you're wearing?" he asked.

Having completely forgotten about the amulet, I looked down in surprise and grasped the pendant with my fingers. "Yes," I answered.

"Is that supposed to protect you from dragons?"

I shook my head. "No…" I lifted the pendant up with my fingers. "You…really don't know what this is for?"

"I know what they are," he said impatiently. He then paused, looking back down at the ground, appearing somewhat agitated. "So, who's this suitor you're after?"

_Ooh, this could get interesting,_ I thought. I cocked my head to the side and asked him coyly, "You really don't know?"

"How the _hell_ would I know?" he asked, sounding even more agitated. "I don't know who you've been talking to in Riften."

"It isn't someone in Riften."

"I don't know where else you've been."

"I haven't _been_ anywhere else."

"I don't really like guessing games. Anyway, congratulations." There was no smile on his face whatsoever. He went on, "I'm just surprised you found someone so fast. You women are all the same."

I was taken aback. _How rude!_ I became so incensed at his attitude towards me that I finally threw a fit. Tossing the pebble that I had been fidgeting with in my hands unceremoniously into the fire, I said wistfully, "It was _you_, you fool." Without another word, I stood up and walked out of camp.

Feeling my eyes well up with tears again, I stood at the edge of the creek bed, staring down at the water with my arms crossed. _It's no use._ _I've gone and ruined everything,_ I thought. I don't know why I even still bothered to try to talk to Farkas. He had obviously moved on. I already made the mistake of rejecting him once and now there's no turning back, no asking for forgiveness. I needed to stop this nonsense now. If he was going to kill me, then he needed to do it now because there was nothing else left to do.

"Roxanne!" I heard Farkas call out. I turned around and saw him emerging out of the trees. I became livid and lashed out at him. "It's no use! Just get it over with already, okay?"

He stopped in his tracks and a confused look came over his face. "Get _what_ over with?"

"Killing me," I responded firmly. "I know you've been waiting to do it all day!"

"What are you talking about?" he asked incredulously, his eyes wild with shock. "I don't want to _kill_ you!"

"Well, you should!" I shouted angrily again. "Because I deserve it! I'm such a horrible person! I was blind and I was a coward and I know I treated you very badly." This time, I didn't hold back the tears that began streaming down my face now. He just stared at me, dumbfounded. Not caring anymore that I was pouring out all of my true feelings to him at last and making a fool out of myself, I continued on, "That day when you…when you said you loved me…it made me happy. I was scared too but it also made me very happy. Because I…I love you, too, Farkas." My whole body began heaving with emotion. "And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know it's too late now." Covering my eyes in shame, I didn't expect what happened next.

I felt my shoulders being grabbed roughly and all of a sudden Farkas' lips were pressed on mine, and I was caught up in his kiss, not once feeling his grip loosen. He then pulled back from me and I stared at him in wide-eyed surprise. A small smile formed on his face and he said softly, "It's not too late."

Still feeling like I was in a daze, I continued staring at him and asked, "You…you forgive me?"

"Of course," he answered.

Finally, a smile came to my face and I asked, "Do you know why I came back to Jorrvaskr?"

"You said you missed everyone."

"Yes. But I also came back because of you. And there was something that I wanted to ask you."

"Oh? What's that?"

"Will you marry me?"

At this, Farkas comically threw up his hands and looked at the sky. "You _had_ to ask!" he cried. He then looked at me and said, "You know, if I had done the asking, I wouldn't have given you a choice."

I laughed. "Well, is that a yes or a no then?"

"Yes!" he shouted. "I _will_ marry you…if you'll have me."

Overcome with joy, I exclaimed, "Oh, Farkas!" and fell into his arms and we embraced tightly.

After holding each other tight for almost a minute, we let go and he said to me, "So, it's settled. You and me. We should go tell the priest at the temple that we're getting married."

"Now?" I asked.

"As soon as possible," he said.

"Okay," I said excitedly. "We'll go there first thing in the morning tomorrow. And then we've got to tell everyone at Jorrvaskr!"

"Sounds like a plan," he said happily.

We then walked back to our camp hand-in-hand and went to sleep in our separate tents, but not without kissing each other goodnight first, of course.

The next morning, we got up, cooked some breakfast and ate it before heading out. Just as we were putting away the last of our things, though, Farkas said to me, "Roxanne? There's something I want to do before we go to the priest today."

"What's that?" I asked.

"Well…I've been doing some thinking. I've been thinking about Kodlak and all the things that he said. He used to talk to us a lot about the beastblood, you know."

"The beastblood?" I said. "About his…misgivings about it?"

He nodded. "And you know what…I think that maybe he was right about what he said to me once."

"And what was that?"

"That as a werewolf, I can't be a good Nord."

"So what are you saying then?"

"I want to be clean, like he was, and go to Sovngarde when I finally die. And I want to go there…with you."

"You want us to cure our beastblood?"

"Yes. If there's any favor that's more important than anything else, this is it. I want to do this before we're married. I don't ever want to put you in danger. I don't even want the possibility to be there."

_Like he had done to Jorielle,_ I thought. _Which reminds me of something…_ "Very well," I said. "I want to be cured, too…of my beastblood, and…also my other condition."

"Other condition?" he questioned.

"I want to be Nord again," I said.

"But…how?" he said. "Roxanne…I promise to love you no matter what for as long as I live. Don't let this be a reason not to get married."

"It isn't," I said. "I will still marry you and I _also_ promise to love you for as long as I live. But Farkas, I…I really want you to do me this favor. Maramal, the priest, says that there _is_ a cure. And it must come from you."

"_I_ can cure you?" he asked.

"Yes, as my husband, you can. When we go see him, I will have him explain it to you. Please, Farkas…it means so much to me that you do this for me."

Farkas sighed. "If it means that much to you…you know I'd do anything for you, Roxanne."

I smiled. "Thank you, my love!" I hugged him and then said, "Well, we'd better get going. We have some business to attend to and then we'll go to the priest!"

"Show me the way," he said.

With me guiding the way, Farkas and I went to Glenmoril Coven and went inside. This time, we had to go a little deeper into the caverns to find the witches. They attacked us, but we both slew them and took two of the heads with us. We then trekked all the way to Ysgramor's Tomb and performed the same ritual that I had on Kodlak's soul. First, I did it for Farkas. And then he did it for me. His experience was much more dramatic, though. His wolf spirit was very strong compared to mine since he had carried the beastblood for many _years_. And after I slayed his wolf spirit, he fell to the ground. I ran to him and made sure he was alright. He was fine, but was just in a daze. When he came out of it, he told me that the experience felt like "relaxing into a warm mug of spiced mead" and that he now felt "so alive and aware." Finally, with both of our werewolf spirits done away with and cleansed, I felt like a huge burden was lifted off of my shoulders and I felt absolutely rejuvenated. After paying our respects to the dead in the tomb and putting some flowers at the foot of the statue in the main room, we left the tomb and decided to head back to Jorrvaskr first. We surmised that the Companions there were probably worried about us for being gone so long. It had been almost two days since we had left on our dragon hunting trip.

So Farkas and I went all the way back to Whiterun, arriving there in the early evening. We went into Jorrvaskr together, all ready to make our big announcement to everyone, and were surprised to find that the hall was completely empty.

"Where is everyone?" I asked, looking around.

Farkas and I stepped into the central area of the hall when we stopped in our tracks to listen. There were some noises coming from the patio. "Do you hear that?" Farkas asked me.

I nodded. We quickly made our way across the hall to the other set of double doors and opened them. Farkas and I were then shocked to see what was taking place before us. Everyone was out here on the patio and in an uproar. Near the center table, Njada and Kili were caught up in a brawl. I saw Kili punch Njada in the face and she fell back onto the ground, knocking over one of the chairs. Athis, Torvar, and Ria were egging them on while the Companions leaders had exasperated looks on their faces.

Suddenly, Farkas and I caught Aela's eyes and she ran over to us, demanding, "Where _were_ you guys? We thought the dragon had overcome you!"

"Brother!" Vilkas exclaimed, running up to us, as well. He held his finger up to us and opened his mouth to say something but then he looked at me and frowned.

"We're fine," Farkas replied. "We slew the dragon at Ancient's Ascent and spent a couple of nights in the wilderness."

"May I ask what is going on?" I piped up, gesturing to the brawl behind them.

Aela closed her eyes and sighed. "Njada is just getting another hard lesson on the importance of keeping one's mouth shut."

"Is everything…alright?" I asked.

"Yes. Don't be too concerned, Harbinger," she said. "They've both just had a little too much mead to drink."

Just then, the other guys erupted with some "boos" and I saw Njada push past us and stomped into the hall. The four of us standing there exchanged curious glances and Aela turned around to address Kili, who looked like she had just declared victory over the brawl.

I saw Vilkas then turn to Farkas and say in a stern tone, "Brother, you and I need to talk."

Both Farkas and I knew what he wanted to say, so Farkas stopped him. "Before you do, Roxanne and I have an announcement to make."

Vilkas' brows furrowed with curiosity. "An announcement?"

The others behind him were still talking heatedly among themselves, so I yelled over the din, "Everyone, please! We have an announcement to make!" As the others began noticing us now, the din began to die down.

"Roxanne! Farkas!"

"You're back!"

"Yes, we are back. Safe and sound," I proclaimed. "And we bring happy news. Farkas and I are getting married!" I put my arm around his waist as I said this and watched as absolute shock overcame all of the faces on the patio. It was then followed by more uproar- this time, more jovial.

"Wow! I can't believe it!"

"What happy news!"

"Congratulations!"

"If it's alright, we are bringing more mead out!" I declared, and everyone cheered. I then turned to Farkas and whispered, "I'm going to get Njada. Be right back."

He nodded, and I left him to go back inside the hall to fetch Njada. She was in a sour mood when I found her, but when I told her the news, she said, "So he didn't kill you after all? Well, I'm happy for you!"

Everyone else then came inside and Farkas and I got to celebrate with everyone. We brought out more mead and had a great time as Farkas related the story about how he and I fought and killed the dragon to the guys and the women and I talked about the wedding.

"So…you and Farkas, huh?" Aela remarked. She, I, and the other women were lounging in the corner of the main hall, enjoying our drinks. "I don't know what you see in that icebrain, but I'm really happy for you!"

"There's more than meets the eye," I told her.

"So how did it happen?" Ria asked. "How did he propose?"

I related what happened out near Ancient's Ascent to Aela, Ria, Njada, and Kili. When I said that I was actually the one who came out with the proposal, everyone laughed.

"I didn't want to say anything, at first, but I thought you two might've had feelings for each other," Ria also remarked. "I guess I was right."

I smiled, and then looked at Kili, who flashed me a knowing smile. She was the only person who knew this all along.

"Well, I suppose you want me to accompany you to Riften?" Aela asked me.

"I would like that," I said. "We'll head out after breakfast tomorrow."

"And the wedding will be the day after?" Njada asked.

"Yes," I replied.

"I wish we could be there!" Ria said.

"Don't worry. When we return the next day, there will be much feasting to do!" I declared.

"All right!" Ria exclaimed excitedly.

We all talked about the wedding some more, and then as it got late, everyone retired to their quarters in a great mood- especially me.

After I bid my Shield-Sisters goodnight, I retreated to my room, feeling a deep sense of tiredness- something that I hadn't felt in a long time. Now that my beastblood was gone, I could no longer stay up past certain hours in the night and I looked forward to getting some pleasant, undisturbed rest. I changed into my nightgown, climbed into bed, and fell into a deep sleep.

Sometime during the night, I had a bad dream. In my dream, we had just gotten through with the wedding ceremony and Farkas took me to our room in The Bee and Barb to have our honeymoon. He then proceeded to undress me, but as I felt my clothes come off, my mind went into a panic. All I could think was, _No, he can't see me naked! Not with all this…fur on my body!_ I tried to push him away and fought with him, even throwing punches and screaming, but he kept on insisting taking my clothes off. Then, before my eyes, I saw him begin to transform. Thinking that he was going to become a werewolf, I became scared. But to my horror, as I saw his form take shape, I saw that he had transformed into Mar'jan. Then, I woke up. As I looked frantically about the room, I was relieved to find myself still at Jorrvaskr in my bedroom. _What a very bizarre dream!_ I thought. _Why did Farkas turn into Mar'jan?_ Trying to shake off my disturbed state of mind, I fell back asleep.

The next morning when I woke up, a deeply troubled feeling began making its way into me as I thought of last night's disturbing dream. I then concluded sadly, _There's just no avoiding it. There were still parts of me that I was still ashamed of. Even though Farkas reassured me that he loved me no matter what, there's still the fact of the matter that when we…do certain things together, like consummating our marriage…I am not going to feel completely comfortable._ _If Maramal can't cure me…then I'm not even sure if I can go through with this marriage at all. What am I going to do? _I got up out of my bed and went upstairs. Farkas was up and having breakfast at the table. I sat down with him.

"Good to see you, dear," he said with a warm smile.

"Good to see you, too, darling," I said. I felt very uneasy and couldn't touch my food at the moment.

Seeming to notice this, Farkas asked me, "Everything okay?"

"I just feel very nervous," I replied.

"Me too," he admitted. "But I'm also excited. Aren't you?"

"Yes, I am. But…Farkas?"

"Yes?"

"Can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Sure."

"Let's…go in there." I gestured towards the study and we both got up and walked in there. Closing the door behind him, he faced me, taking both of my hands in his. "What is it, Roxanne? Tell me."

"Um…I'm afraid I need to ask you…another favor," I said.

"Anything. What is it?"

"I just want to let you know that…I still want to go through with the wedding. I really do. But…but, I just…"

"What? What is it?"

"I won't be ready to…to have our…honeymoon...right away," I said, feeling my face grow very hot.

Farkas frowned, looking deeply into my eyes, trying to probe my mind. Without saying anything, he then looked down at the ground. "You're still ashamed, aren't you? Of…of being a Khajiit."

I nodded, looking at the ground, too. "I still want to marry you, though."

He looked up at me and starting speaking with impatience in his tone, "Roxanne…"

"I promise you…" I interrupted and then squeezed both of his hands with mine for emphasis. "I _promise_ you, Farkas…that when you cure me…I will let you have _all_ of me."

He licked his lips thoughtfully and said, "This _does_ mean a lot to you, doesn't it?"

"Yes," I said. "And you have my word."

He nodded silently. Then he said, "Okay. I promise to cure you. I will do anything to make you happy, Roxanne."

"As will I." I was immediately racked with guilt, though, as I thought about how patient he was to deal with all of my requests. _Bless you, dear Farkas._

We then went back into the great hall. Others had started eating breakfast, so we told them that we were heading out to prepare the wedding. Vilkas and Aela joined us, and I asked Kili to join us as well, as I wanted both her and Aela to be there to help me prepare and to be at our wedding. The five of us departed from Jorrvaskr and headed southeast to Riften.

On the way there, I got a chance to talk to Kili somewhat in private as Farkas and Vilkas became occupied in conversation.

"Is everything all right between you and Njada?" I asked her.

"Yes, I think they will be," she responded.

"I think so, too," Aela said. "Between us, I did not say this but," she then lowered her voice into a whisper, "good on you for putting her in her place."

"Really?" Kili asked, surprised. "She just made me so mad, I…I felt like I overreacted."

"Well, she needed that," Aela assured. "That girl needs to learn to control her tongue."

"What exactly happened?" I questioned, still in the dark.

I then saw Kili's face turn red. "Um, I don't think I should tell you now." I saw her eyes quickly dart over to Vilkas, which confused me even more. "I'll tell you later sometime."

"Alright," I replied hesitantly. _I wonder why she looked at Vilkas? Does it have something to do with him? I guess I'll have to wait to find out._

When we arrived in the misty town of Riften, Farkas and I went into the Temple of Mara together, telling the others to wait outside. Upon entering the familiar old chapel, Maramal recognized me right away and greeted me heartily. I introduced him to Farkas and said, "We wish to get married as soon as possible."

Maramal was ecstatic. He said that he would begin making preparations right away and that we were to be married here tomorrow, first thing in the morning. Farkas and I left the temple in good spirits and told Aela, Kili, and Vilkas the plan. We then went to The Bee and Barb and rented two rooms there- one for me, Kili, and Aela and one for Farkas and Vilkas. Keerava was able to rent me and the girls a small lakeside home called Honeyside since we needed a lot of space. It cost 200 gold to rent it for one night as opposed to the rooms in the inn which were only 10 gold, but it turned out to be worth it. When the three of us went into Honeyside, we fell in love with the place. It had a fireplace, big bed, a basement, and a small patio that overlooked Lake Honrich.

"You know, this would be the perfect place to have your honeymoon!" Kili gushed.

"It sure would," I said with a half-smile. _If we _do_ ever get to have our honeymoon, that is._ "Um, but we aren't going to have ours right away, though."

"What do you mean?" she questioned.

"Um…" I began getting uncomfortable, but I knew that I had to explain myself. "We're not having one until I'm cured."

"You're going to give up your beastblood?" Aela asked.

"No, no…" I responded. "I mean…I already have done that."

"What?" Aela questioned in surprise.

"So you don't have beastblood anymore?" Kili asked.

"When did this happen?" Aela asked.

"Wait, my sisters…" I waved my hands in defense at their sudden barrage of questions. "Let me explain." I sat down on the bed as they stood in front of the fireplace to listen to my story. "Yes, it is true that I gave up my beastblood. And so has Farkas."

Aela and Kili exchanged surprised glances with each other.

"We cured ourselves on that day we came back from Ancient's Ascent, once we became betrothed. We said that we didn't want to be a danger to each other."

"Hmm," Aela said thoughtfully. "I guess it used to be a Nord custom to cleanse your soul before marriage. That's…quite honorable for you two, I suppose."

"Yes, but…I also want to be a human again," I said.

"But how?" Kili asked. "Is that even possible?"

"It is," I answered. "The priest who is marrying us tomorrow knows how it can be done."

"How?"

"He said that we would have to perform the ancient Nord wedding ritual," I said.

"The soul-cleansing ritual? I've heard about it, but I don't know what it entails," Aela said.

"You're not talking about the blood ritual are you?" Kili asked. "The one where you have to cut your wrists and mix your blood together in an alchemy potion?"

"Goodness," Aela uttered.

"That is the one," I answered. "But I don't think we will be doing that tomorrow."

"Why not? Don't you want to be cured?"

"More than anything," I replied. "But it's not that easy according to Maramal. In addition to the blood, you also have to mix in the petals of a flower called Amorebanum. Maramal said that this flower is so rare that it is nearly impossible to find."

"Damn. That is too bad."

"But…you said that you didn't want to have your honeymoon until you were cured," Kili said. "What if…what if you never find this flower?"

I shrugged. "Then, I suppose I'll just have to accept that I'll be a Khajiit for life."

"And will you have your honeymoon then?"

I felt my face grow hot again at the prying questions. "Yes," I sighed.

"You vex me, girl," Aela retorted. "You can't keep someone like Farkas waiting _that_ long."

My jaw dropped open. "What do you mean by that!"

"She's just teasing," Kili said with a smile. "But she has a point. Don't deny him your womanly charms for _too_ long."

"You two are impossible!" I cried and threw one of the pillows at them, in a way glad that they were able to distract my spirits away from my inner sadness. Some of the feathers came flying out. We then fell to giggling and laughing. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. When we opened it, I saw Dinya Balu standing there, holding some garments in her arms.

"Dinya!" I exclaimed. "Please come in!"

"I came to bring you your wedding garb," she said and stepped into the house.

"Oh!" I was surprised as I didn't know the first thing about weddings. I was under the initial impression that it was just like any other party in Skyrim, with lots of drinking and eating without much regard to what one wore. And I could tell by the curious looks on Aela's and Kili's faces that this was all new to them, as well.

"This," Dinya proclaimed, holding up a long and loose, light blue robe, "will be what you will wear, Roxanne."

I walked over to her as she helped me put it on. In addition to the light blue, there was also gold, fabric trim on the sleeves, collar, and sides. It was the fanciest attire I had ever worn.

"Wow, that is beautiful," Kili remarked.

"This was donated to us many years ago by an old Nord woman," Dinya explained. "She wore it on her wedding day. The light blue is a symbol of purity, clear like a mountain spring. And the gold is a symbol of the bride's beauty."

"I feel like a queen," I said.

"And you will also wear this on your head," she went on, showing me a floral crown. "Put it on tomorrow before you arrive at the temple." I took it from her, admiring it. Aela and Kili got a closer look, as well. It was a crown fashioned from strong twigs of some kind and garlanded with blue, yellow, and white flowers and small round, green leaves. "The flowers symbolize fertility and the clover leaves symbolize prosperity."

"Wow," I uttered, beginning to take this all in. It was all becoming very real to me now. I was to become a wife- and not just _any_ wife, but the wife of Farkas, the Companion.

"My husband is making his preparations for the ceremony tomorrow, as well," Dinya told us. "Briehl is currently with your fiancé and his attendant to tell them what to do. We will be ready to begin at eight o'clock in the morning."

"Thank you, Dinya," I told her.

"My pleasure," she replied. "And if I haven't said it before, let me say now, congratulations! And may Mara give you good and happy dreams tonight!"

"Thank you so much," I said again and gave her a hug. She then went out of the house and left us.

We then decided to turn in for the night. It was getting late, and I couldn't wait to wake up in the morning and put on the beautiful robe and crown and finally walk into that temple to marry the man I admired so much. Kili and I shared the double bed near the patio door and Aela slept on the bed in the basement. Before I went to sleep, I decided to ask Kili again about her fight with Njada.

"She accused me of being Vilkas' pet," she explained to me as her face turned red.

"Why would she say that?" I asked incredulously.

"Well, when I first joined the Companions, Vilkas spent a lot of time training me, both at Jorrvaskr and out on the field," she explained. "I don't know why he did- I mean, Ria said that he worked with _her_ a lot when she was brand-new, so I just thought that he liked playing the part of teacher to all the newbloods. Did he work with you a lot when you first came on as a Companion?"

I thought carefully. "No," I responded. "Not really. I actually spent a lot of time with Farkas come to think of it."

She giggled. "Oh, so _that's_ how it all started!"

I laughed. "I guess so."

"Anyway, I guess he was impressed with me, because he invited me to join the Circle and I did. I think when Njada found out, she got…jealous or something, and so she started telling lies. She accused me of doing certain…favors for Vilkas in order to join the Circle."

"What? What kind of favors?"

"Favors of the…sexual kind."

"How _awful_!"

"It was outrageous! So I called her on it and that's how the fight started."

"Ooh," I remarked painfully. "I'm sorry that happened to you. Njada sure likes to…cause trouble, doesn't she?" I then thought about the rumor she had started about Farkas wanting to kill me. I decided not to mention it, though, because even that made me sick.

"Her social skills are um, somewhat lacking," she agreed. She then looked at me and asked, "So who initiated you into the Circle? Was it Farkas?"

"No, actually," I replied. "It was an elder Companion who unfortunately was killed soon after my initiation. His name was Skjor."

"Oh, okay. I've heard Aela talk about him. So, you didn't…join the Circle in order to…get closer to Farkas or anything?"

"No. In fact, joining the Circle nearly broke us apart. You've probably heard about Farkas' disdain for the beastblood. When I told him that I joined, he became angry with me."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. All is well now that we have cured ourselves."

"That is good. Well, I…to tell you the truth…I joined the Circle in order to get close to someone."

"Who?"

"Who do you think?"

"Vilkas?"

Kili nodded, biting her lip nervously.

"You…" My eyes widened as a mischievous smile spread across my face. "You _fancy_ him!"

I watched as Kili's face turned as red as ripe snowberries as she shrugged and said sheepishly, "What can I say? He's been my Shield-Brother on a lot of our hunts. And when you and Farkas were gone, he and I went to go hunt some giants. And that was when it happened."

"When what happened?"

"He saw me…without my clothes on."

"What…?"

"He didn't actually _see_…anything! It was so fast and I had my back turned to him, but I just got done bathing in the river because I had mammoth blood all over me. And before I could fully dress, he came running saying that he saw a dragon in the hills and that we should leave immediately. But he didn't finish, and…oh, Talos, the expression on his face." She stifled a giggle.

"What did he _say_?"

"He muttered something like, 'Oh, my…I'm so sorry' and immediately turned around. We could not look each other in the eye for the rest of that day!"

I started laughing. The image of Vilkas becoming all flustered over seeing a naked woman was too much to take. I could not contain my laughter.

"Shhh!" she urged, embarrassed. "I don't want Aela to know about this."

I cleared my throat, trying to suppress my laughter. "I'm sorry. I'm just imagining the look on his face."

Kili laughed quietly, too. "What I found so endearing was how gentlemanly he was about it. You know, most men would've probably made a lewd comment, laugh, or something worse. Vilkas impresses me with his…compassion and understanding."

"Vilkas? Compassionate and understanding?" I had to admit, hearing of Vilkas being spoken of in such a manner was surprising.

She slapped my arm playfully. "Now _you're_ about to speak ill of him!" she pouted.

"My apologies," I said sheepishly. "That's very thoughtless of me. So…are you ever going to tell him how you feel?"

"Well…I was thinking of purchasing an Amulet of Mara tomorrow after your wedding. I'm not going to start wearing it just yet but…soon."

"I hope that goes well," I said excitedly.

Finally, we both went to sleep.

The next morning, we all got up very early and decided to bathe in the lake just outside of our patio door. We spent the morning laughing and talking excitedly about the wedding and the celebrations afterward. After we had scrubbed ourselves clean and dried ourselves off, we went back into the house and Kili and Aela helped me put on the wedding robe and crown. When my attire was on, they both took a step back and Kili cried, "Oh, Roxanne…you are absolutely breathtaking!" I could feel tears starting to well up in my eyes. I felt like an otherworldly queen. I gave both girls big hugs. "Thank you, sisters," I said. "You have been such good friends to me."

"You have been to us, as well," Aela said. "Now come on. You have a wedding to get to!"

It was close to eight o' clock when Aela, Kili, and I went out of Honeyside and were greeted with a bustling town full of celebration. I guess weddings were a big deal in Riften! All of the townsfolk turned to admire me as the three of us made our way through the marketplace to the Temple of Mara. They threw flower petals and seeds onto my path and cheered as I walked. Aela and Kili opened the doors for me and I stepped in. In the dim light of the chapel, I saw Vilkas, Dinya Balu, and Briehl sitting in the benches. Aela and Kili took their seats with them, and I walked forward. In front of me, at the altar, were Maramal and…Farkas. My husband-to-be. He saw me and as I gazed at him, the corners of his mouth turned up into a smile. He was wearing a matching blue and gold-trimmed robe and a leafy crown, and had a long, steel sword strapped to his back. He looked so regal.

"Ah, here's the blushing bride now!" Maramal exclaimed. "Come. Let's begin the ceremony."

I took a deep breath and thought inwardly, _This is it._ As I walked the entire length of the aisle up to the altar, I didn't take my eyes off of Farkas, and neither did he take his off of mine. I took my place next to him and then Maramal began to speak.

Addressing those present in the temple, he announced, "Friends, I welcome you, for you are about to witness a very sacred moment. Two people are about to be joined together in holy matrimony within the divine presence of Mara. For it was Mara that first gave birth to all of creation and pledged to watch over us as her children. It is from her love of us that we first learned to love one another. It is from this love that we learn that a life lived alone is no life at all."

I looked over at Farkas and we exchanged soft smiles. I kept my composure but my insides felt like they were dancing about wildly. _This is really happening!_ I thought excitedly.

"Hence, we gather here today, under Mara's loving gaze, to bear witness to the union of two souls in eternal companionship. May they journey forth together in this life and the next, in prosperity and poverty, and in joy and hardship." He then turned to Farkas and said, "Farkas, take your sword out now and hold it in front of you."

Farkas obeyed and brought out the steel sword that was attached to him and held it out in front of him, pointing it upward.

Maramal then turned to me and commanded, "Roxanne, join your hands with his on the hilt."

Farkas turned the sword towards me and I put my hands over his on the hilt. Maramal then picked up a box from the altar, opened it, and took out two silver rings. He presented them to us and said, "I now present you these rings- the bonds of matrimony. These are enchanted with the power of love, healing, and restoration. The unbroken circle represents the unbroken nature of the vows that you are about to take. Put these on now." He then handed Farkas the ring and I took my left hand off of the sword to have him put it on for me. I then took the other ring from Maramal and put it on Farkas' finger. Maramal continued, "With your hands joined together on the soul-binding sword, it is now time to take your vows. Farkas, do you agree to be bound to this woman in love, now and forever?"

Farkas never turned his gaze away from me as he clutched the sword and spoke loudly, "I do. Now and forever."

My heart began to flutter as Maramal then turned to me and said, "Roxanne, do you agree to be bound to this man in love, now and forever?"

Keeping my eyes on Farkas, I answered in a firm voice, "I do. Now and forever."

"You may let go of the sword now," Maramal said.

I took my hands off of the sword and Farkas handed it to him. He placed it carefully onto the altar and then addressed the crowd again, saying, "Under the authority of Mara, the Divine of Love, I declare this couple to be wed. You may kiss now."

Farkas and I exchanged elated grins and I nearly jumped into his arms as our lips joined together in a sweet kiss. Everyone in the chapel applauded. We separated and gazed into each other's eyes for what seemed like forever. _It really happened. I'm married!_ I looked at all of our witnesses in the room. They were all beaming. Aela and Kili looked especially excited.

With the ceremony now over, Farkas and I took the time to greet everyone.

"Congratulations! I am so happy for the both of you!" Dinya Balu said.

Aela and Kili had many words for me, but they were mostly happy for me and wished me great days ahead. When I spoke to Vilkas, he looked genuinely happy. "Harbinger…I mean, Roxanne, I am so happy for you and my brother. I've never seen him so happy. I trust you will take good care of him."

"I will, Vilkas," I replied. "I am very happy, too."

After we had greeted everyone and received their blessings, Maramal told us that he wanted to speak with us privately. Thus, Dinya Balu and Briehl went outside and our fellow Companions followed suit, informing us that they would head out on the road to Whiterun ahead of us to prepare for the feast at Jorrvaskr.


End file.
